Trump Wax Figure Removed From Louis Tussaud’s Because People Won’t Stop Beating It Up

This honestly does not feel like a loss regardless of your political views

Well, this comes as sad news to Mr. Trump and extremely inconsequential news to everyone else, in fact it’s pretty generous to call this “news” at all but hey man, we’ve been in a pandemic for over a year now and it’s hard to find entertaining stuff to write about when everybody’s inside and literally nothing happens. It’s either this or making you all read in-depth reporting on the drama at the bird feeder outside. (Lesser goldfinches have recently moved in and the house finches who run this spot are being pretty huge dicks about it.)

Look, what I’m trying to say is I’m doing my best.

A n y w a y ,

The wax figure of Donald Trump at Louis Tussaud’s Waxworks in San Antonio recently had to be removed from the museum display and put into storage because guests of the museum couldn’t stop beating the hell out of it. According to regional manager for Ripley Entertainment, Clay Stewart, museum-goers had cleaned Trump’s waxy clock badly enough to leave “deep marks” requiring he be moved to storage. It’s unclear how the addition of more deep, waxy marks made Mr. Trump appear less realistic, especially considering this is what the original figure looks like.

Wow. Who knows if the person responsible for this wax figure really, really hates Trump or is simply bad at their job, but either way, wow.

The other question we’re all left with is who in their goddamn minds is choosing to go to a wax museum, of all places, in the middle of a pandemic?! You’re telling me there are people out there saying, “Mask or no mask, I gotta get to Louis Tussaud’s.” And they’re just… OUT THERE? Walking among us?! There’s another public health concern we need to discuss!

Apparently people beating up wax figures of former or sitting presidents at the museum is not uncommon, and the museum has “always had trouble with the presidential section” for that reason. There seems to be a pretty simple fix here: stop making wax figures of presidents! They’re creepy! Why do we need another version of every American president that is both deeply haunting and infinitely more useless! Stop making wax presidents.