CAUTION: This column features comments, and commentary that joke at the expense of Elon Musk. If you are sensitive to mockery of Elon Musk, turn off your computer monitor and safely back away. Be advised, if you leave a comment defending him, it may be featured in this column and inspire more Musk-mocking.
As for the rest of you, feel free to go on ahead into this week’s top comments!
Remember to be disciplined and only give turkey as a rare treat. If you give in every time, your hard drive will be full of cold cuts and you won’t have any room for all 212 gigabytes of Call of Duty: Modern Warfare.
Something similar happened with Prometheus, where they offered to let him do 101% speedruns of Donkey Kong 64 for eternity, but he was reportedly worried about who would take care of the eagle that had been eating his liver for thousands of years.
BUG FIXES FOR NEW YORK CITY PATCH 2.6:
- Fixed issue where citizens would loop “best bagels” dialogue
- Bill De Blasio height decreased 15%
- Celebrity aggression rates lowered to 25%
- Police Officers now less resistant to responsibility
- Votes now impact national elections
Look forward to 2050’s hottest throwback releases, such as Grandpa of War, Heavy Back Pain, and The Last of Friends. With 40 years worth of new technology powering these games, we can make these dads sadder than ever before!
Finally, Elon Musk will have created something all by himself: the circumstances of the inevitable space mutiny that will reassign him to a short term position in the ship’s airlock. Redditors everywhere will feel a chill down their spine, instinctively knowing they want to protect Elon without knowing how.
Speaking as a fan, if someone I had this deep of a parasocial relationship with was doing anything shady, I think I’d know about it. I’ve been close with his content for years, and I never noticed anything.
While we don’t have an easy mode (yet), Hard Drive does support local and online co-op with your friends which might help. Taking turns reading can help with longer paragraphs, and having a friend who can do a really good Waluigi impression can go a long way in reducing the difficulty.
Yeah buddy, we’d all like our lives to be twice as long too. But then we’d just spend all that extra time watching movies that last as long as a cross nation flight.
Safety first kids, if someone offers to play a game of Magic: the Gathering with you, firmly tell them NO and report them to the nearest adult. Always remember the slogan that will save your life: I’d rather be bored than play with cardboard!
It was all worth it, just to save one life. We’re thankful too.
Thank you so much to everyone for your comments this week. If you want a chance to be featured in next week’s column, be sure to leave a comment on any of our posts across social media. Have a great week everyone!
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