Andrew Cuomo Invites Reporters To Abandoned Warehouse For Press Conference

Seeking to set the record straight, Governor Cuomo has invited reporters to visit him at a local dockside warehouse where he will finally give them answers. Cuomo made the announcement early in the morning following further questions regarding his conduct in office.

“Listen, you need to stop with these questions, this is getting ridiculous. I’ve gotta run for president in a couple of years and this is cramping my style. Talk to my cousin Luca, he’ll tell you I’m a nice guy, a family man. I can see none of you are satisfied with that though, so how about this? You swing by the old warehouse tomorrow night and I’ll finally give you all what you deserve. Capeesh?”

When reporters raised concerns of the unprofessional manner in which the press conference was announced, Cuomo assured everyone things would be alright.

“Listen, you’ve known me for years. We’re family now, you come over to my place, you’ve all tried my sauce. You love the sauce, my wife loves the company, you’re good people. You made some mistakes, sure, we all have. That’s why tonight we’re gonna deal with this like men. We’re gonna talk this out at the docks and come morning we’re all gonna walk away feeling better about everything. Well, we’re not all gonna walk away, some of us are gonna limp away. Others won’t be moving at all, you get what I’m trying to say?”

Cuomo then lit a cigar and put on a fedora before leaving the scene in an all black limo.