1. To our wives and girlfriends….May they never meet
2. Here’s to those who’ve seen us at our best and seen us at our worst and can’t tell the difference.
3. Here’s to a long life and a happy one.
A quick death and an easy one.
A good girls and an honest one.
A cold pint and another one.
4. To absent friends.
5. May we be in heaven half an hour before the devil knows we’re dead.
6. May our sons have rich fathers and beautiful mothers.
7. Here’s to the nights we’ll never remember with the friends we’ll never forget.
8. Here’s to staying positive and testing negative.
9. May we get what we want, but never what we deserve.
10. May the best day you have seen in your past be worse than your worst day yet to come.
11. May you be in heaven half an hour before the devil knows you’re dead.
Best drinking toasts
12. There are good ships, there are wood ships, the ships that sail to sea, but the best ships are friendships, and forever may they be.
John O’Riley was a member of an Irish Toast Masters Club and one
evening at the local Irish Toast Masters meeting, a contest was
held to see who could deliver the best toast.
Well, John O’Riley won the contest for the best toast of the
evening, “Here’s To The Best Years o’ Me Life, Spent Between The
Legs o’ Me Wife.”
When John O’Riley arrived home his beautiful wife asked him how
the Toast Masters meeting went and he said, “I won the contest
for the best toast of the evening.”
His wife then asked him what his toast was, and he said, “Here’s
To The Best Years o’ me Life, Spent in Church wi’ me Wife.”
His wife then said, “Why John, that’s so nice of you to include
me in your Toast.”
The next morning, Mrs. O’Riley was downtown shopping and ran into
the local policeman on the beat who was also at the Toast Masters
meeting with John O’Riley. He said, “Hello Mrs. O’Riley, that
was some great toast that your husband John gave at the Toast
Masters meeting last evening. He won first prize.”
“Yes, that’s right,” said Mrs. O’Riley, “but he wasn’t quite
honest with the facts: he’s only been there twice, the first
time he fell asleep and the second time I had to pull him out by
the ears.”
Irish Toasts
God invented whiskey so the Irish wouldn’t rule the world!
I’ll have what the man on the floor’s having!
May we get what we want,
May we get what we need,
But may we never get what we deserve.
-Cedric
Here’s to the wine we love to drink, and the food we like to eat.
Here’s to our wives and sweethearts, let’s pray they never meet.
Here’s champagne for our real friends And real pain for our sham friends.
And when this life is over, may all of us find peace.
In water one sees one’s own face;
But in wine one beholds the heart of another.
–French proverb
(Holding his dram and staring it in the eye)
Ye killed me mother;
Ye killed me father;
Ah, sweet revenge!!
From a fine old Scottish gentleman from
“The Black Isle,” who passed away years ago:
In all this world, why I do think
There are five reasons why we drink:
Good friends,
good wine,
lest we be dry
and any other reason why.
Work is the curse of the drinking class.
–Oscar Wilde
Moderation is a fatal thing– nothing succeeds like excess.
–Oscar Wilde
We are all of us in the gutter.
But some of us are looking at the stars.
–Oscar Wilde
He’s a fool who give over the liquor,
It softens the skinflint at once,
It urges the slow coach on quicker,
Gives spirit and brains to the dunce.
The man who is dumb as a rule
Discovers a great deal to say,
While he who is bashful since Yule
Will talk in an amorous way.
It’s drink that uplifts the poltroon
To give battle in France and in Spain,
Now here is an end of my turn-
And fill me that bumper again!
There are several good reasons for drinking
and one has just entered my head.
If a man can’t drink when he’s living,
then how the heck can he drink
when he’s dead
Here’s to a long life and a merry one.
A quick death and an easy one.
A pretty girl and an honest one.
A cold beer and another one!
Man, being reasonable, must get drunk;
The best of life is but intoxication.
May those who love us love us.
And those that don’t love us,
May God turn their hearts.
And if He doesn’t turn their hearts,
May he turn their ankles,
So we’ll know them by their limping!
Nary a day goes by that I miss to wonder why
the moon shows his face as the day draws nigh.
In the firelight I ponder my canine’s thought
as he gazes upon me from his hand-me-down cot.
I think of God and all his creations,
one being the women with her unbridled temptations.
I have searched for love with no direction,
skeletons in the closet… a fine collection.
These quandaries of mine, I’m sure to figure out.
For I know the answer lies at the bottom of this stout.
May the winds of fortune sail you,
May you sail a gentle sea.
May it always be the other guy
who says, “this drink’s on me.”
May your Guardian Angel be at your side to pick ya up off the floor
and hand ya another cold stout from the store.
May you never lie, steal, cheat or drink.
But if you must lie, lie in each other’s arms.
If you must steal, steal kisses.
If you must cheat, cheat death.
And if you must drink, drink with us, your friends.
Health and a long life to you.
Land without rent to you.
A child every year to you.
And if you can’t go to heaven,
May you at least die in Ireland.
May you taste the sweetest pleasures that fortune ere bestowed,
and may all your friends remember all the favors you are owed.
Drink is the curse of the land.
It makes you fight with your neighbor.
It makes you shoot at your landlord–
and it makes you miss him!
When we drink, we get drunk.
When we get drunk, we fall asleep.
When we fall asleep, we commit no sin.
When we commit no sin, we go to heaven.
So, let’s all get drunk, and go to heaven!
–Old Irish toast
Of all my favorite things to do,
the utmost is to have a brew.
My love grows for my foamy friend,
with each thirst-quenching elbow bend.
Beer’s so frothy, smooth and cold–
It’s paradise–pure liquid gold.
Yes, beer means many things to me…
That’s all for now, I gotta pee!
Why, if ’tis dancing you would be,
There’s brisker pipes than poetry.
Say, for what were hop-yards meant,
Or why was Burton built on Trent?
Oh many a peer of England brews
Livelier liquor than the Muse,
And malt does more than Milton can
To justify God’s ways to man.
Ale, man, ale’s the stuff to drink
For fellows whom it hurts to think:
Look into the pewter pot
To see the world as the world’s not.
–A.E. Housman
Four blessings upon you…
Older whiskey
Younger women
Faster horses
More money
Here’s to cheating, stealing, fighting, and drinking.
If you cheat, may you cheat death.
If you steal, may you steal a woman’s heart.
If you fight, may you fight for a brother.
And if you drink, may you drink with me.
Dance as if no one were watching,
Sing as if no one were listening,
And live every day as if it were your last.
May you…
Work like you don’t need the money,
love like you’ve never been hurt,
dance like no-one is watching,
screw like it’s being filmed,
and drink like a true Irishman.
Best while you have it use your breath
There is no drinking after death.
Be one who drinks the finest of ales.
Every day without fail.
Even when you have drank enough,
Remember that ale is wonderful stuff.
An Irishman is never drunk as long as
He can hold onto one blade of grass and not
Fall off the face of the earth.
He that buys land buys many stones.
He that buys flesh buys many bones.
He that buys eggs buys many shells,
But he that buys good beer buys nothing else.
You guys came by to have some fun.
You’ll come and stay all night, I fear.
But I know how to make you run.
I’ll serve you all generic beer.
Fill with mingled cream and amber,
I will drain that glass again.
Such hilarious visions clamber
Through the chamber of my brain.
Quaintest thoughts, queerest fancies
Come to life and fade away.
What care I how time advances;
I am drinking ale today.
–Edgar Allen Poe
For every wound, a balm.
For every sorrow, cheer.
For every storm, a calm.
For every thirst, a beer.
A statesman is an easy man, he tells his lies by rote.
A journalist invents his lies, and rams them down your throat.
So stay at home and drink your beer and let the neighbors vote.
–William Butler Yeats
Wine comes in at the mouth
And love comes in at the eye;
That’s all that we will know for truth
Before we grow old and die.
I lift the glass to my mouth,
I look at you and I sigh.
–William Butler Yeats
The problem with some people is that
when they aren’t drunk they’re sober.
–William Butler Yeats
In heaven there is no beer…
That’s why we drink ours here.
Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer.
Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention,
but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.
–Humorist Dave Barry
I like beer. On occasion, I will even drink beer to
celebrate a major event such as the fall of communism
or the fact that the refrigerator is still working.
–Humorist Dave Barry
Drunk is feeling sophisticated when you can’t say it.
Beer makes you feel the way you ought to feel without beer.
–Henry Lawson
May the devil make a ladder of your backbone
While he is picking apples in the garden of Hell.
–Old Irish toast
A Merry Christmas this December
To a lot of folks I don’t remember.
Let no man thirst for lack of Real Ale.
”Commonwealth Brewing Co.
Boston
Here’s champagne to your real friends
And real pain to your sham friends!
Eat thy bread with joy,
and drink thy wine with a merry heart.
-Ecclesiastes 9:10
Here’s to holly and ivy hanging up,
And to something wet in every cup.
No animal ever invented anything as bad as drunkenness
Or as good as drink.
Teaching has ruined more American novelists than drink.
-Gore Vidal
I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.
-Winston Churchill
Champagne costs too much,
Whiskey’s too rough,
Vodka puts big mouths in gear.
This little refrain
Should help to explain
Why it’s better to order a beer!
In Vino Veritas
In Cervesio Felicitas
(“In wine there is wisdom, In beer there is joy.”)
When money’s tight and hard to get
and your horse is also ran,
When all you have is a heap of debt
a pint of plain is your only man.
–Old Irish toast
The health of the salmon and of the trout
That swim back and forward near the Bull’s Mouth.
Don’t ask for saucepan, jug, or mug,
Down the hatch–drink it up!
Man’s way to God is with beer in hand.
But if at church they give some ale
And a pleasant fire for our souls to regale
We’d sing and we’d pray all the live long day
Nor ever once from the church to stray.
Beer drinkin’ don’t do half the harm of love makin’.
–Old New England proverb
Mother’s in the kitchen washing out the jugs,
Sister’s in the pantry bottling the suds,
Father’s in the cellar mixing up the hops,
Johnny’s on the front porch watching for the cops.
–Prohibition song
Pure water is the best gifts a man can bring.
But who am I that I should have the best of anything?
Let princes revel at the pump, let peers with ponds make free,
…beer is good enough for me.
–Lord Neaves
Let us sing our own treasures, Old England’s good cheer,
To the profits and pleasures of stout British beer;
Your wine tippling, dram sipping fellows retreat,
But your beer drinking Britons can never be beat.
The French with their vineyards and meager pale ale,
They drink from the squeezing of half ripe fruit;
But we, who have hop-yards to mellow our ale,
Are rosy and plump and have freedom to boot.
–English drinking song, circa 1757
Why, we’ll smoke and drink our beer.
For I like a drop of good beer, I does.
I’ze fond of good beer, I is.
Let gentlemen fine sit down to their wine.
But we’ll all of us here stick to our beer.
–Old Somersetshire English song
Drink is the feast of reason and the flow of soul.
–Alexander Pope
I’ve always believed that paradise will have my favorite beer on tap.
–Rudyard Wheatley
Here’s a toast to the roast that good fellowship lends,
With the sparkle of beer and wine;
May its sentiment always be deeper, my friends,
Than the foam at the top of the stein.
Then here’s to the heartening wassail,
Wherever good fellows are found;
Be its master instead of its vassal, and order the glasses around.
–Ogden Nash
For [insert city of your choosing] hath no sober man,
Or none of milk sop thinkers,
And no philosophical fools,
But great and glorious drinkers!
A mouth of a perfectly happy man is filled with beer.
–Ancient Egyptian Wisdom, 2200 B.C.
The best beer is where priests go to drink.
For a quart of Ale is a dish for a King.
–Shakespeare, “A Winter’s Tale”
History flows forward on rivers of beer.
