Tagged: Gwyneth Paltrow

Empire News – Gwyneth Paltrow’s Vagina-Scented Candle Is Reportedly Giving People Herpes in Their Nasal Passages

LOS ANGELES, California – 

Gwyneth Paltrow, who has been shilling garbage Goop products for years – items that have been proven multiple times to be a sham at best, and potentially life-threatening in their bad pseudoscience at worst. But her latest endeavor, Goop candles that smell like her former A-list vagina, have added a new treat for people dumb enough to buy it – the candles are giving people herpes in their nose.

Paltrow, perhaps best known for playing Robert Downey Jr.’s love interest, Pepper Potts, in the Iron Man films, has fallen to the levels of midnight pitchman over the last few years, and for some reason thought that selling candles scented specifically like her putrid pussy would be hot sellers. Somewhat confusingly, she appears to be right, as the candles are selling, but as they are made from the “natural juices” of Paltrow’s poon, they smell like her vagina, and are also causing people who burn the candle too long to contract herpes.

“I first noticed that I had a weird bump on the outside of my nose,” said Kirk Brown, who has estimated he’s spent around $2,000 on several hundreds of Paltrow’s candles. “I thought it was a pimple. It happens. After it got severe, and I started to feel the bumps in my nose, I went to the doctor. A test confirmed it was nose herpes. I didn’t even know it was possible!”

“I only burned one of her candles for a very short time,” said Melissa Rogers of Atlanta. “I got it as a gag gift from a co-worker at Christmastime. It smelled horrendous; like a cross between stale pee and the cheese you scrape out of an infected vagina. I was not a fan. I became less of a fan when it became clear that I was getting nose herpes. It’s hugely embarrassing.”

Multiple people say they have had similar experiences, and a lawyer has been contacted in at least one of the cases in hopes of a class-action suit. Reps for Gwyneth Paltrow’s vagina could not be reached for comment.

Gwyneth Paltrow Explains Why She Didn’t Reveal Her COVID-19 Diagnosis When She Had It

Gwyneth Paltrow opened up about her battle with COVID-19 back in February 2020, nearly a year after she had the virus. The Oscar-winning actress is now explaining why she waited so long to tell her fans about what happened to her. Some people thought she held off on talking about it because of her role […]
Gwyneth Paltrow Explains Why She Didn't Reveal Her COVID-19 Diagnosis When She Had It

Gwyneth Paltrow opened up about her battle with COVID-19 back in February 2020, nearly a year after she had the virus.

The Oscar-winning actress is now explaining why she waited so long to tell her fans about what happened to her. Some people thought she held off on talking about it because of her role in the movie Contagion, in which she played patient zero during a pandemic, but she says that’s not true.

“I got it so early that there weren’t COVID tests available,” Gwyneth told The Hollywood Reporter. “We couldn’t even get tested for a long time, and by the time we were able to get antibody tests and all of that, there were much graver, more important things going on in the world. I didn’t really feel the need to bring it up, but it was interesting.”

Gwyneth thinks she contracted the virus during a trip to Paris last February.

On her Goop blog, Gwyneth told fans about the things she did to feel better after battling the virus. She received some criticism for the list and now she’s responding to that.

“It’s usually that I always find it’s for their own amplification,” she said. “We really are not to say at goop that we have never made mistakes because of course we have in the past, but we’re very much in integrity and we’re careful about what we say. We always feel like we understand why a lot of that [criticism] becomes clickbait for people.”

In a recent interview, Gwyneth talked about the amount of weight she gained and then lost in quarantine.