Tagged: Gravity

Zambia was on their way to beat the US and Soviet Union in the space race

October 30, 1964, TIME magazine reported on the celebration of the independence of Zambia (formerly Northern Rhodesia), with its new president, Kenneth Kaunda.

But as jubilant crowds celebrated, a man complained that the festivities were interfering with his “space program”. Edward Makuka Nkoloso informed the journalist that his Zambian TIME “astronauts” beat both the US and the Soviet Union in the space race – by going to the moon and on Mars.

It was an unusual boast, to say the least. At the time, the population of Zambia had 3.6 million with only 1500 high school graduates born in Africa and less than 100 college graduates. Nkoloso himself was a teacher of elementary school science, and self-proclaimed head of the country (the unofficial) National Academy of Sciences, Space Research and philosophy.

But he had big dreams, namely, using a “firing system” inspired catapult to send an aluminum 10 x 6 and copper rocket containing ten Zambians and an African girl of 17 years (and his cat ) to Mars. He thought he could get them to the moon in 1965. All he needed $ 700 million UNESCO to finance the project.

In an editorial the newspaper said Nkoloso studying Mars for some time telescopes to his “secret headquarters” outside Lusaka, and announced that the planet was populated by primitive natives. (He graciously added that the missionaries would not force indigenous Martians to convert to Christianity.) In fact, he said, it could have achieved the conquest of March just a few days after the independence of Zambia had the UNESCO through financing. Oh, he also called for the holding of Russian and American spies trying to steal his “space secrets” – and her cats.

It’s hard not to love Nkoloso, based on what little we know of it today. Here are a primary school science teacher setting up its own national space program with a small group of students who had to roll downhill in an oil drum of 44 gallons in the context of Nkoloso plan to simulate sensation of rushing through space. zero gravity? He simulated by pivoting them from the end of a long rope, cut the rope when they reached then the culmination they went into free fall. He also taught them to walk on their hands, “the only human so could walk on the moon. ”

Naïve? Ignorant? Sure. Especially in light of its less dedicated volunteers: “They are not going to focus on the space flight, there is too much to make love when they should study the Moon,” he complained. Indeed, astronaut girl vaunted Matha, became pregnant and her parents took her back to their village.

Astronauts could never Nkoloso Mars. Or the moon. Or even Lusaka. The Zambian government has carefully distanced himself from the project. Today, the US is the only country to have successfully landed a spacecraft on Mars, and yet has spearheaded a manned mission to the red planet. But while Nkoloso maybe a little crazy, he clearly pinpointed the future space travel would be a big deal. Zambia and wanted to be a part of it.

Tycho Brahe didn’t get to the toilet in time

Famous as an alchemist and astronomer, Brahe’s pioneering observations of the motion of planets opened the way for Sir Isaac Newton to develop the theory of gravity.

Unfortunately, brilliance and common sense do not always go hand in hand, the way of his death being the case. Recognized for having a weak bladder and knowing that it was very bad to leave the banquet table before the end of the festivities, Brahe still neglected to relieve himself before dinner. To make matters worse, he was known to drink excessively, and this banquet in particular was no exception. Too polite to ask to be excused, his bladder was put to the test, causing an agonizing death (11 days). It is now debated whether he has died of an exploded bladder, hyponatraemia (low blood sodium levels) or mercury poisoning.

Note: This is very similar to an event in which a lady recently passed away in a contest called “Hold Your Wee for a Wii“. She died of hyponatremia.

Short Clean Jokes and Greatest Puns

Did you know the guard at the Samsung store is a Guardian of the Galaxy?

What’s the worst thing about throwing a party on the moon? You have to planet.

Why can’t you have a good party on the moon? It has no atmosphere.

Yesterday, a clown held the door open for me. I thought it was a nice jester.

It was an emotional wedding – even the cake was in tiers.

There was an explosion at a cheese factory in Paris. De-Brie everywhere.

Why couldn’t the bike stand up on its own? It was two tired.

When’s the best time to go to the dentist? Two-thirty

Did you hear the joke about the German sausage? It was the wurst.

What do you do when a chemist dies? Barium.

Dead batteries were given away free of charge.

I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off.

Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a soft drink.

I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down.

I wasn’t originally going to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind.

I’d tell you a chemistry joke but I know I wouldn’t get a reaction.

A friend of mine tried to annoy me with bird puns, but I soon realized that toucan play at that game. (*cough*Alex*cough*)

A courtroom artist was arrested today for an unknown reason… details are sketchy.

I’m glad I know sign language, it’s pretty handy.

eBay is so useless. I tried to look up lighters and all they had was 13,749 matches.

I am on a seafood diet. Every time I see food, I eat it.

Why did the scientist install a knocker on his door? He wanted to win the No-bell prize!

I’m taking part in a stair climbing competition. Guess I better step up my game.

My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned: couldn’t concentrate.

A book just fell on my head. I’ve only got myshelf to blame.

Claustrophobic people are more productive thinking out of the box.

I hate insects puns, they really bug me.

I wanna make a joke about sodium, but Na..

Did you hear about the Italian chef with a terminal illness? He pastaway.

Why didn’t the skeleton go to prom? Cause he had no body to dance with.

I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.

What do prisoners use to call each other? Cell phones.

I saw an ad for burial plots, and thought to myself this is the last thing I need.

I relish the fact that you’ve mustard the strength to ketchup to me.

My math teacher called me average. How mean!

I found a rock yesterday which measured 1760 yards in length. Must be some kind of milestone.

I was going to give him a nasty look, but he already had one.

What day do chickens hate the most? Friday.

Last time I got caught stealing a calendar I got 12 months.

Is the pool safe for diving? It deep-ends.