Shia LaBeouf is a cannibal

Rob Cantor
Rob Cantor

On March 3rd, 2012, musician Rob Cantor, a member of the indie rock group Tally Hall, uploaded a song titled “Shia LaBeouf” to his SoundCloud page named after the American actor. The song detailed a terrifying encounter with a blood-soaked cannibal Shia LaBeouf in the woods in the manner of in an early 1900s radio drama.

Rob Cantor "Shia LaBeouf"

Rob Cantor

The song inspired several photoshopped images and animated GIFs of LeBeouf after it began circulating on the microblogging site Tumblr in April 2012.

“SHIA LABEOUF” song by Rob Cantor. It tells the true story of an actual cannibal.

Shia LaBeouf Lyrics, by Rob Cantor

You’re walking in the woods.
There’s no one around,
And your phone is dead.
Out of the corner of your eye you spot him,
Shia LaBeouf.

He’s following you
About 30 feet back.
He gets down on all fours and breaks into a sprint.
He’s gaining on you.
Shia LaBeouf.

You’re looking for your car,
But you’re all turned around.
He’s almost upon you now
And you can see there’s blood on his face!
My god, there’s blood everywhere!

Running for your life
(From Shia LaBeouf.)
He’s brandishing a knife.
(It’s Shia LaBeouf.)
Lurking in the shadows
Hollywood superstar Shia LaBeouf.
Living in the woods,
(Shia LaBeouf.)
Killing for sport,
(Shia LaBeouf.)
Eating all the bodies
Actual, cannibal Shia LaBeouf.

Now it’s dark and you seem to have lost him,
But you’re hopelessly lost yourself.
Stranded with a murderer,
You creep silently through the underbrush.
A-ha! In the distance,
A small cottage with a light on.
You move stealthily toward it,
But your leg! Ah! It’s caught in a bear trap!

Gnawing off your leg,
(Quiet, quiet.)
Limping toward the cottage,
(Quiet, quiet.)
Now you’re on the doorstep,
Sitting inside, Shia LaBeouf.
Sharpening an ax,
(Shia LaBeouf.)
But he doesn’t hear you enter,
(Shia LaBeouf.)
You’re sneaking up behind him.
Strangling superstar Shia LaBeouf.
Fighting for your life with Shia LaBeouf,
Wrestling a knife from Shia LaBeouf,
Stab it in his kidney.
Safe at last from Shia LaBeouf.

You limp into the dark woods,
Blood oozing from your stump leg.
But you have won.
You have beaten Shia LaBeouf

Wait! He isn’t dead! Shia Surprise!
There’s a gun to your head, and death in his eyes.
But you can do Jiu Jitsu
Body Slam superstar Shia LaBeouf
Legendary fight with Shia LaBeouf
Normal Tuesday night for Shia LaBeouf
You try to swing an axe at Shia LaBeouf
But blood is draining fast from your stump leg

He’s dodging every swipe, he parries to the left
You counter to the right, you catch him in the neck
You’re chopping off his head now
You have just decapitated Shia LaBeouf

His head topples to the floor, expressionless
You fall to your knees and catch your breath
You’re finally safe from Shia LaBeouf

Rob Cantor originally hoped Funny or Die would want to use the song in a video featuring the actual LaBeouf. But that didn’t happen. “Then it just sat on a hard drive for a year,” he says. “Then I posted it to my online portfolio, and a fan of the band discovered it and tweeted about it.

  SHOCKING Celebrity Facts

Then it just caught fire.”Remixes and parodies of the song have been found on YouTube and SoundCloud, where a dubstep version of the song posted on April 30th saw more than 26,600 plays in its first 24 hours. Additional images and GIFs relating to the song have appeared on Tumblr with the tag “#actual cannibal shia lebeouf.