Sarcastic Quotes by Famous People

  • “Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence.” – Ashleigh Brilliant
  • “I feel so miserable without you, it’s almost like having you here.” – Stephen Bishop
  • “I never forget a face, but in your case I’ll be glad to make an exception.” – Groucho Marx
  • “The trouble with her is that she lacks the power of conversation but not the power of speech.” – George Bernard Shaw
  • “I didn’t attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.” – Mark Twain
  • “Weather forecast for tonight: dark.” – George Carlin
  • “You see, money’s not everything in life is it? But it keeps you in touch with your children…” – Johnnie Casson
  • “The early bird may get the worm, but it’s the second mouse who gets the cheese.” – Steven Wright
  • “What’s on your mind, if you will allow the overstatement?” – Fred Allen
  • “I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.” – Lily Tomlin
  • “Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.” – Mark Twain
  • “I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.” – Fred Allen
  • “Children really brighten up a household – they never turn the lights off.” – Ralph Bus
  • “Honesty is the best policy — when there is money in it.” – Mark Twain

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