Men and women are NOT alike
Sure, you think you already know that. But now we have proof! After hours of surveys and studies on the following topics, these facts have emerged.
First of all, a man does not call relationships a relationship. He call it “that time when Susie and I did it in semi- regularly.
When a relationship ends, a woman will cry and pour her heart out for her boyfriend, and he will write a poem titled “All Men Are Idiots.” Then he will continue his life.
A man has a little more trouble letting go. Six months after separation, at 3am on a Saturday night, he would call and say, “I just want to leave you know you destroyed my life, and I will never forgive you, and I hate you, and you really are a bitch. But I want you to know that there is always
opportunity for us. “This is known as a drunken telephone” I Hate You / I Love You ” call, that 99% of all men have made at least one time. There is a community colleges offering courses to help men overcome this need; unfortunately, this classes rarely prove effective.
Women prefer 30-40 minutes of foreplay. Men prefer 30-40 seconds heating. Men consider driving back into place as part of warming up.
Mature women are much faster than men. Most 17-year-old women can function as an adult. Most 17-year-old men still trade baseball cards and give each other wedgies after a sports class. This is why middle school romance rarely works.
For their credit, men don’t decorate their handwriting. They are only chicken scratching. Women use fragrant, stationary colors and they mark their “i’s” with circles or hearts. Women use very large loops in their “p” and “g’s”. It is very painful to read a note from a woman. Even when he dumped you, he would put on a smiley face at the end of the note.
A man has six items in his bathroom – toothbrushes, toothpaste and shavers cream, razors, hand washing soap and towels from Holiday Inn. That
the average number of items in a typical woman’s bathroom is 437. A man will not be able to identify most of these items.
A woman lists the things she needs and then goes to the store and buy these items. A man waits until the only item left in his fridge half lime and some mold. Then he goes shopping. He bought all that looks good. When a man reaches the cashiercons, the cart is packed tighter than the Clampett car on Beverly Hillbillies. Of course, this won’t stop him from going to 10- item-or-less path.
When a man says he is ready to leave, that means he is ready to go out. When a woman says she is ready to go out, that means she WILL be ready to go out, as soon as he found his earring, he finished wearing his makeup …
Women like cats. Men say they love cats, but when women don’t see, men kicking cats.
Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. He knows about dentistsappointments and soccer and romance matches as well as friends and favorites food and secret fears and hopes and dreams. A man is vaguely aware of several things short people who live at home.
Say a man and woman watch a boxing match on TV. One of them boxers cut down by low blows. The woman said, “Oh, my God. That must be painful.” The man doubled and actually FEEL the pain.
A woman will dress to go shopping, water plants, empty trash,answer the phone, read the book, get the letter. A man will dress for: (1) Marriage, and (2) Funerals.
Men think that David Letterman is the funniest man on earth. The women thought he was a cruel, half-silly man who had a gap in his front teeth
and always have a bad haircut.
When reminiscing about weddings, women talk about “the ceremony.” Men talk about “the bachelor party.”
Men wear sensible socks. They wear standard white sweatsocks. Women wear strange socks. They are cut way below the ankles, have pictures of clouds on them, and have a big fuzzy ball on the back.
If Gloria, Suzanne, Deborah, and Michelle get together for lunch, they will call each other Gloria, Suzanne, Deborah, and Michelle. But if Mike, Dave,
Rob, and Jack go out for a brewski, they will affectionately refer to each other as Bullet-Head, Godzilla, Peanut Brain, and Useless.