Jokes only smart people will get
1. This clever bit
What happens when you cross a dyslexic, agnostic, and an insomniac?
Someone who lays awake at night wondering whether or not there is a dog.
2. This joke for English majors
Doctor: I’m afraid you have onomatopoeia
Man: Oh no! What is that?
Doctor: It’s exactly what it sounds like.
3. This joke for those who know binary code
There are 10 types of people in the world: those who understand binary, and those who don’t.
4. This geometric joke
Why did the chicken cross the Mobius strip? To get to the same side.
5. This biological pun
Did you know diarrhea is hereditary?
It runs in your jeans. (Genes)
6. This literary/cinematic pun combo
What do you call the Pride and Prejudice film with subtitles?
7. This joke for all the philosophers out there
One evening René Descartes went to relax at a local tavern. The tender approached and said, “Ah, good evening Monsieur Descartes! Shall I serve you the usual drink?”. Descartes replied, “I think not.”, and promptly vanished!
8. This bit of psychology humor
Who is this Rorschach guy, and why is he always drawing pictures of my parents fighting 9. This mathematic joke
A mathematician comes home at 3:00 in the morning to find his wife waiting up fo him.
“You’re late!” she yells angrily. “You said you’d be home by 11:45!”
“Actually,” the mathematician replies, “I said I’d be home by a quarter of 12.”
10. This linguistic joke
A Roman walks into a bar and tells the bartender, “I’d like a martinus.” The bartender says, “Don’t you mean a martini?” The Roman replies, “If I wanted a double, I’d have asked for one!”
11. And this numerical one
A Roman walks into a bar, holds up two fingers, and says “five beers please.”
12. This pun based in classic literature
My best friend and I were coming home after a long day of shopping. In order to get into the house, we have to go through the garage door and then through the mudroom door. Our hands were very full of bags from our retail therapy day, so I was struggling very much to get the key into the lock. He was getting a little annoyed while waiting, but I managed to turn the key and get into the garage. Go figure, the door to the mudroom was locked too. At this point, he was exasperated, so I turned to him and said, “Well, one does not simply walk into more doors.”
13. This joke about the fuzziest lil’ paradox
Schrödinger’s Cat walks into a bar…
… and doesn’t!
14. And this one, which adds even more quantum physics into the mix
Heisenberg and Schrodinger are riding in a car, and get pulled over.
Officer: “Do you have any idea how fast you were going?”
Heisenberg: “No, but I can tell you exactly where we are.”
The officer, annoyed, asks to search the car. He opens the trunk.
Officer: “Sir, do you know the cat in your truck is dead?”
Schrodinger: “Well it is now!”