Humorous Jokes From Comedy Legends

Tommy CooperA man wakes up in a hospital mattress and screams ,”Physician ! I can’t really feel my legs !”The physician says, “I do know you may’t. I’ve simply chopped your arms off !”

Steven Wright“I’ve been entering into astronomy so I put in a skylight. The individuals who stay above me are livid.

Invoice Hicks “Would not you prefer to see a optimistic LSD story on the information? To base your determination on info reasonably than scare ways and superstition? Maybe? Would not that be attention-grabbing? Only for as soon as?”At this time, a younger man on acid realised that every one matter is merely vitality condensed to a gradual vibration – that we’re all one consciousness experiencing itself subjectively. There is no such factor as dying, life is barely a dream, and we are the creativeness of ourselves. Here is Tom with the climate.”

Eddie Izzard So they’re loading up Noah’s Ark, and the animals are happening two by two, “And we have now two lions, and two tigers, and two zebra, and two squirrels… sure get on up there… and two chickens, and two horses… Hey up there, what have you ever obtained to this point ?”“Two lions and two tigers.”“…Shit !”

Richard Pryor You already know you’re f*****d up when your seller begins refusing to promote you any extra shit.“I don’t know Wealthy… you ‘aint wanting so sizzling proper now !”

Lee EvansAnd I’m going down the motorway (freeway) and I’m going actually quick and I look down and I am going, “Shit ! I forgot my automotive !”

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