When you pull into my driveway and honk you’d higher be delivering a package deal, since you’re positive not selecting something up.
You don’t contact my daughter in entrance of me. You could look at her, as long as you don’t peer at something beneath her neck. When you can’t maintain your eyes or palms off of my daughter’s physique, I’ll take away them.
I’m conscious that it’s thought of modern for boys of your age to put on their trousers so loosely that they seem like falling off their hips. Please do not take this as an insult, however you and your whole associates are full idiots. Nonetheless, I need to be honest and open minded about this concern, so I suggest his compromise: You could come to the door along with your underwear exhibiting and your pants ten sizes too large, and I cannot object. Nonetheless, in an effort to be sure that your garments don’t, in actual fact, come off in the course of the course of your date with my daughter, I’ll take my electrical nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.
I am positive you’ve got been advised that in in the present day’s world, intercourse with out using a “barrier technique” of some sort can kill you. Let me elaborate, in relation to intercourse, I’m the barrier, and I’ll kill you.
It’s normally understood that to ensure that us to get to know one another, we should always discuss sports activities, politics, and different problems with the day. Please don’t do that. The one info I require from you is a sign of once you count on to have my daughter safely again at my home, and the one phrase I want from you on this topic is “early.”
I’ve little doubt you’re a fashionable fellow, with many alternatives up to now different ladies. That is positive with me so long as it’s okay with my daughter. In any other case, upon getting gone out with my little lady, you’ll proceed up to now nobody however her till she is completed with you. When you make her cry, I’ll make you cry.
As you stand in my entrance hallway, ready for my daughter to look, and greater than an hour goes by, don’t sigh and fidget. If you wish to be on time for the film, you shouldn’t be relationship. My daughter is placing on her make-up, a course of that may take longer than portray the Golden Gate Bridge. As an alternative of simply standing there, why do not you do one thing helpful, like altering the oil in my automobile?
The next locations are usually not applicable for a date with my daughter: Locations the place there are beds, sofas, or something softer than a picket stool. Locations the place there are not any mother and father, policemen, or nuns inside eyesight. Locations the place there’s darkness. Locations the place there’s dancing, holding palms, or happiness. Locations the place the ambient temperature is heat sufficient to induce my daughter to put on shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or something apart from overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka – zipped as much as her throat. Motion pictures with a powerful romantic or sexual theme are to be prevented; motion pictures which options chain saws are okay. Hockey video games are okay. Outdated of us properties are higher.
Don’t misinform me. I could look like a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. However on points referring to my daughter, I’m the all-knowing, cruel god of your universe. If I ask you the place you’re going and with whom, you’ve gotten one likelihood to inform me the reality, the entire reality and nothing however the reality. I’ve a shotgun, a shovel, and 5 acres behind the home. Don’t trifle with me.
Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes little or no for me to mistake the sound of your automobile within the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy close to Hanoi. When my Agent Orange begins performing up, the voices in my head steadily inform me to wash the weapons as I wait so that you can convey my daughter dwelling. As quickly as you pull into the driveway it’s best to exit your automobile with each palms in plain sight. Communicate the perimeter password, announce in a transparent voice that you’ve got introduced my daughter dwelling safely and early, then return to your automobile – there is no such thing as a want so that you can come inside. The camouflaged face on the window is mine.