A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
I had amnesia once – maybe twice.
All I ask is a chance to prove money can’t make me happy.
The universe is a figment of its own imagination.
I’d give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
Is there another word for synonym?
Why don’t men often show their true feelings?
– Because they don’t have any.
Q: What is the difference between a wife and a girlfriend?
A: About 45 pounds!!
Q: How many men does it take to change a toilet roll?
A: We don’t know. Never happens.
Marriage is a three ring circus: an engagement ring, a wedding ring, and suffering
ALGEBRA: A weapon of math destruction.
Q: Why do mountain climbers rope themselves together?
A: To prevent the sensible ones from going home.
Q: What is the difference between in-laws and outlaws?
A: Outlaws are wanted.
Q: What do you get when you put three ducks in a box?
A: A box of quackers.
Time is a marvellous healer but is a complete failure as a beautician.
When a man talks dirty to a woman, it’s sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it’s £1.50 per minute
Never let a man’s mind wander, it’s too little to be out on it’s own
Son asks diff btw Confidence and Confidential
Dad says, u are my son, I am Confident.
Ur friend is also my son, thats Confidential
I’ve used up all my sick days, so I’m calling in dead.
I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow isn’t looking good either.
What do you get when you cross ESP with PMS? A b*tch who knows everything.
The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action.
The fact that no one understands you doesn’t mean you’re an artist.
I don’t know what your problem is, but I’ll bet it’s hard to pronounce.
I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.
Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
Do not meddle in the affairs of cats, for they are subtle and will whiz on your computer.