Famous Literary Characters on the Vaccine Rollout

Mask of Zorro

Zorro

Deese wearing of the mask is no problemo. We have the evidence that it helps the people. Less spread of the virus. And the vaccines? Yes, let the people receive them. Make them available to everyone, not just plump politicians. I’d be happy to administer to the elites. They can bare their shoulders to the vaccine – smeared tip of my rapier. Ha, ha!

Ebenezer Scrooge

Oh, dear, oh, dear. The vaccine needs to get out to everyone as soon as possible, especially the poor and working class! They are the ones who are on the front lines, stocking and helping in our stores, delivering our mail, tending the sick. The desk-sitters like me can wait a bit. We must think of the Cratchits of this world! I sit at my desk counting numbers and marking ledgers, but others must interact with colleagues and the general public, putting them at the most risk of COVID exposure. Give them a shot at “the shot” first, and spare not a farthing doing it. Then it shall be a beautiful morn on the horizon!

Frodo

Three vaccines for the world of men, but only one to rule them all (because you don’t want to mix doses). Well, not one, technically. Even getting one vaccine requires a follow-up. Your journey will be perilous, a heavy burden shall weigh upon you, and all manner of sorcery can befall after that first shot: aches, pains, mild fever, tiredness. Do not give up hope! Seek comfort from the Sams in your life. After the second shot, if you avoid Johnson & Johnson’s like I did, your vaccine will be complete. There will still be a heavy weight upon the world, but you will be free of this virus’ insidious grasp.

Edmond Dantes

This virus has taken from me my shopping trips, movie theater dates, Bonnaroo festival, and swimming at the community pool – all of which I hold dearest. I train and watch MMA YouTube videos made by teens in their backyards. As I don’t have weights, I lift my wife’s heaviest pots in her garden. Also motivating is that film The Punisher where John Travolta gets his comeuppance. Yes, once I get these shots, things will be set to rights. This vaccine means vengeance, and by that I mean a more fit Count.

Dorothy Gale

I know I’ve said there’s no place like home, but I retract that. Get me out of this godforsaken cage! Take me back to Oz or the dentist when I was four – anywhere but here. Shit, Hades would be a change. I’m sick and tired of these four walls. Even Toto is fed up. He gazes longingly out the window, and I just know he wants me to take him to town, to walk the central park, visit town hall… but there are people there. At least in Oz, witches and magical creatures can’t spread the virus, can they? I didn’t think so. This vaccine couldn’t get me out of this abysmal house sooner.

Arya Stark

Mask, sanitizer, no-touch door opener, vaccine. Mask, sanitizer, no-touch door opener, vacc – oh, sorry, didn’t see you there. That was just me doing my list thing. Yeah, COVID has pretty much messed up plans to execute my other list, so I’ve created this new one. It reminds me of the things I need to venture out now. I’ve been through quite a bit, you know; I could do without a nasty virus. I’m a Stark so I’m used to things being stark already, but geez. They can stick that needle in me anytime. I’d like to get back to my real list. Matter of fact, if I could, I’d stick my sword “needle” right through this virus if it were a person.

Long John Silver

To be quite honest, mateys, this COVID business has put a bit of a damper on me sea voyaging. I’m always in search of me treasure, you see, and like anyone traveling long distances I likes to put me feet up every now ‘n then – or perhaps I should say foot. The crew also gets antsy for a rest, but most ports aren’t taking any new visitors on fear of the virus spread. So I’ve just been hunkerin’ down with me new parrot, cooking the crew gourmet meals and fishing off the bow. You know, trying to pass the time. Still got me map, still got me compass. Just can’t use ‘em till this here vaccine rolls out and we all become COVID-free hearty mateys. The days are long being on lockdown ‘ere on the ship, but I’m used to it. At times, I think of how I wronged ol’ Jimboy and I pray he’s vaccinated, or if not, at least virus-free. I try not to get down on meself too much. On the bright side, the big blue expanse ain’t goin’ nowheres, and there’s still plenty of rum to be had!

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