Weird, Funny and Amazing Facebook Status Updates

funny facebook
funny facebook

World’s Best Facebook Status Updates , Most popular facebook status updates and statuses to reflect the actual mood of the person.

It’s only murder if they find the body, Other wise it’s a missing person..Just a thought.

Don’t take my kindness for weakness. Its because of your weakness I gave you my kindness.

I’m always nice to my enemies. It pisses them off even more!

It’s funny how when one of your closest friends are angry with you, they forget everything you’ve done for them.

Facebook status demotivator

So many people… So few ways to tell them where to go.

The word politics is derived from ‘poli’ meaning many , and ‘tics’, which are blood sucking parasites.

Love me or hate me, you’re still thinking of me… and that’s why I keep my page public, so you can keep checking.

You think your phone is fast? Wait till you see mine… flying towards your FACE!

I am so awesome I should have theme music playing every time I enter a room.

…says that common sense is both a blessing and a curse. It is a blessing when you have it and a freaking curse when the people you deal with do not.

I am just too tired to care right now, leave a message after the beep and I will try to give a damn in the morning… BEEP.

The one who gets so upset when they are confronted with the facts is ALWAYS …The one who was guilty.

You made me an OPTION , welllll I’ll make you a HISTORY … lost and forgotten

Don’t mistake my lack of response as being fearful. I’m simply better than you and your pathetic games.

Just because I laugh when I’m angry doesn’t make me crazy. It just mean you may want to rethink things on your end.

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ACHOO! If you’re allergic to bull-crap, drama, head games, liars, & fake people, keep this sneeze going. I can’t wait to see who all does this.

Don’t make someone a priority in your life, when all your are to them is an option.

If you think someones status is about you; you must be guilty!

All your problems with me are now diverted to ireallycouldn’

When you’ve lived my Life, Suffered my pain, Enjoyed my happiness, Walked in my shoes, Experienced what I’ve seen…only then judge me!

Stupid people running with scissors: health hazard or community service?

Your first mistake? Underestimating me. Your second? Standing too close.

…wonders why people agree to be on your friend list and then don’t even say hi to you.

Good thing our population’s not counted by the number of faces that’s in it or it would be almost doubled since so many around here seem to have “two” these day.

Just want to thank the people who have walked into my life and made it great. And also thank you to those who have walked out and made it fantastic!

…didn’t care today, couldn’t have cared less yesterday and won’t give a crap tomorrow!

Would like to say Good Morning to my stalker! I’ll try to update my status often so that your time spent stalking me won’t be wasted. Have a nice day, loser!

You are not as bad as they say, you are much, much worse.

Now we know why some animals eat their own children.

Please, keep talking. I always yawn when I am interested.

Talk is cheap, but that’s ok, so are you.

If we killed everybody who hates you, it wouldn’t be murder; it would be an apocalypse!

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This is an excellent time for you to become a missing person.

I’m busy now. Can I ignore you some other time?

When I look into your eyes, I see straight through to the back of your head.

A sharp tongue does not mean you have a keen mind.

Anyone who told you to be yourself couldn’t have given you any worse advice.

Are you always this stupid or are you making a special effort today.

Do you want me to accept you as you are, or do you want me to lie to myself and try to like you?

Don’t let your mind wander, it’s far too small to be let out on its own.

Don’t thank me for insulting you, it was a pleasure.

Don’t you realize that there are enough people to hate in the world already without you putting in so much effort to give us another?

He always finds himself lost in thought; it’s unfamiliar territory.

I bet you get bullied a lot.

I can tell that you are lying, your lips are moving.

I don’t know what makes you so dumb but it really works.

I don’t mind you talking so much, as long as you don’t mind me not listening.

I don’t think you are a fool, but what’s my opinion compared to that of thousands of others.

I know you are nobody’s fool, but maybe someone will adopt you one day.

I like you. People say I’ve got no taste, but I like you.

I used to think that you were a colossal pain in the neck. Now I have a much lower opinion of you.

I will defend, to your death, my right to my opinion.

I would have liked to insult you, but the sad truth is that you wouldn’t understand me.

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I’d like to see things from your point of view, but I can’t seem to get my head that far up your ass.

If you were twice as smart as you are now, you’d be absolutely stupid.

I’m glad to see you’re not letting your education get in the way of your ignorance.

I’m impressed, I’ve never met such a small mind inside such a big head before.

I’ve come across rotting bodies that are less offensive than you are.

Pardon me, but you’re obviously mistaking me for someone who gives a damn.

People would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity.

She’s the first in her family born without tail.

That man is cruelly depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.

There are several people in this world that I find unbearably obnoxious, and you are all of them.

What he is lacking in intelligence, he more than makes up for in stupidity.

Whatever it is that is eating you, it must be suffering horribly.

What’s wrong, don’t you get any attention back home?

You are not even beneath my contempt.

You are not obnoxious like so many other people, you are obnoxious in a completely different and far worse way.

You grow on people, but so does cancer.

You have an inferiority complex and it is fully justified.

You should do some soul-searching. You might just find one.

You would never be able to live down to your reputation, but I see you’re doing your best.

Your mind isn’t so much twisted as badly sprained.

You’re a habit I’d like to kick – with both feet.