Real Facts of Life

  • Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There’s too much fraternizing with the enemy.
  • There’s a fine line between fishing and standing on the shore like an idiot.
  • Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in? I think that’s how dogs spend their lives.
  • Don’t worry about the world ending today… It’s already tomorrow in Australia. (unless you’re in Australia — then start worrying)
  • Character is what you are. Reputation is what people think you are.
  • Drive carefully It’s not only cars that can be recalled by their maker.
  • A loser is a window washer on the 44th floor who steps back to admire his work..
  • A man usually feels better after a few winks, especially if she winks back.
  • Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
  • The facts, although interesting, are irrelevant.
  • There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
  • If at first you don’t succeed … well, so much for sky diving.
  • A man who says marriage is a 50-50 proposition doesn’t understand two things: 1 — Women, 2 — Fractions