Good Break Up Quotes That Work

I accidently kissed someone today, after 10 minutes I realized it wasn’t you, is it over between us now?

Dating and looking good is just too much work for one person, so I decided to go with “looking good”.

Choose between your mother and me! If it’s her, I don’t want to see you again. If it’s me… you’ll treat me like that one day, I don’t want to see you again.

I suffer from chronic claustrophobia: I can only stay in this relationship if you agree that I am free to date anyone my heart desire and obviously that means we will see a whole lot less of each other.

What goes POOF and it’s gone? You out of my life!

90% of the women in our family are psychopaths. I don’t want you to walk away, I think you should run while you’re still ok.

When I date someone for longer than a {week} then my dead great grandfather starts to haunt and injure that person. Be safe!

Santa said he’s giving me the perfect boy friend for Christmas, I’m sorry it wasn’t you.

It’s time for spring break in our relationship. Catch you next winter Ok!

I have been reading my future, and unfortunately you weren’t in it!

Good Break Up Quotes

Alternate American ( Murican ) State Mottos

Alabama: Yes, We Have Electricity

Alaska: 11,623 Eskimos Can’t Be Wrong!

Arizona: But It’s A Dry Heat

Arkansas: Literacy Ain’t Everything

California: By 30, Our Women Have More Plastic Than Your Honda

Colorado: If You Don’t Ski, Don’t Bother

Connecticut: Like Massachusetts, Only The Kennedy’s Don’t Own It Yet

Delaware: We Really Do Like The Chemicals In Our Water

Florida: Ask Us About Our Grandkids

Georgia: We Put The “Fun” In Fundamentalist Extremism

Hawaii: Haka Tiki Mou Sha’ami Leeki Toru (Death To Mainland Scum, But Leave Your Money)

Idaho: More Than Just Potatoes … Well Okay, We’re Not, But The Potatoes Sure Are Real Good

Illinois: Please Don’t Pronounce the “S”

Indiana: 2 Billion Years Tidal Wave Free

Iowa: We Do Amazing Things With Corn

Kansas: First Of The Rectangle States

Kentucky: Five Million People; Fifteen Last Names

Louisiana: We’re Not ALL Drunk Cajun Wackos, But That’s Our Tourism Campaign

Maine: We’re Really Cold, But We Have Cheap Lobster

Maryland: If You Can Dream It, We Can Tax It

Massachusetts: Our Taxes Are Lower Than Sweden’s (For Most Tax Brackets)

Michigan: First Line Of Defense From The Canadians

Murica Eagle

Because MURICA

Minnesota: 10,000 Lakes … And 10,000,000,000,000 Mosquitoes

Mississippi: Come And Feel Better About Your Own State

Missouri: Your Federal Flood Relief Tax Dollars At Work

Montana: Land Of The Big Sky, The Unabomber, Right-Wing Crazies, And Very Little Else

Nebraska: Ask About Our State Motto Contest

Nevada: Whores and Poker!

New Hampshire: Go Away And Leave Us Alone

New Jersey: You Want A ##$%##! Motto? I Got Yer ##$%##! Motto Right Here!

New Mexico: Lizards Make Excellent Pets

New York: You Have The Right To Remain Silent, You Have The Right To An Attorney …

North Carolina: Tobacco Is A Vegetable

North Dakota: We Really Are One Of The 50 States!

Ohio: At Least We’re Not Michigan

Oklahoma: Like The Play, Only No Singing

Oregon: Spotted Owl … It’s What’s For Dinner

Pennsylvania: Cook With Coal

Rhode Island: We’re Not REALLY An Island

South Carolina: Remember The Civil War? We Didn’t Actually Surrender

South Dakota: Closer Than North Dakota

Tennessee: The Educashun State

Texas: Si’ Hablo Ing’les (Yes, I Speak English)

Utah: Our Jesus Is Better Than Your Jesus

Vermont: Yep

Virginia: Who Says Government Stiffs And Slackjaw Yokels Don’t Mix?

Washington: Help! We’re Overrun By Nerds And Slackers!

Washington, D.C.: Wanna Be Mayor?

West Virginia: One Big Happy Family … Really!

Wisconsin: Come Cut The Cheese

Wyoming: Where Men Are Men … and the sheep are scared !!!

Men vs Women – Men Fight Back

You know all those lists showing how Women are better than Men?
Well, the time has come to Men to Fight Back with their own list.

How Do Men and Women Compare?

Battle of Genders

Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can’t even afford a washing machine will never be able to support you.
__________

Why do women have smaller feet than men?
So they can stand closer to the kitchen sink.
__________

How do you fix a woman’s watch?
You don’t. There’s a clock on the stove.
__________

If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
The dog… he shuts up after you let him in.
__________

All wives are alike, but they have different faces so you can tell them apart.
__________

I married Miss Right.
I just didn’t know her first name was Always.
__________

I haven’t spoken to my wife for 18 months, I don’t like to interrupt her.
__________

What do you call a woman who has lost 95% of her intelligence?
Divorced.
__________

Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman’s sex drive by 90%…
Wedding cake.
__________

The last fight was my fault. My wife asked, “What’s on the TV?” I said, “Dust.”
__________

In the beginning, God created earth and rested.
Then God created man and rested.
Then God created woman.
Since then, neither God nor man has rested!
__________

My wife and I are inseparable.
In fact, last week it took four state troopers and a dog.
__________

Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.
__________

What is the difference between a dog and a fox?
About 5 drinks.
__________

Do you know the punishment for bigamy?
Two mothers-in-law.
__________

Young Son: Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn’t know his wife until he marries her?
Dad: That happens in every country, son.
__________

A man inserted an ‘ad’ in the classified: “Wife wanted”.
The next day he received a hundred letters.
They all said the same thing: “You can have mine.”
__________

The most effective way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once.
__________

First guy (proudly): “My wife’s an angel!”
Second guy: “You’re lucky, mine’s still alive.”
__________

How do most men define marriage?
An expensive way to get laundry done for free.
__________

Just think, if it weren’t for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.
__________

If you want your wife to listen and pay undivided attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.
__________

Then there was a man who said, “I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; and then it was too late.”
__________

A little boy asked his father, “Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?”
The father replied, “I don’t know son, I’m still paying.”