These Q&A are from a book called Disorder in the Court

Disorder in the Court
These are things people actually said in court

Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All of my autopsies are performed on dead people. Would you like to rephrase that?

Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
A: Oral.

Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him.

Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive, never the less?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.

Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you’ve forgotten?

Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that morning?
A: He said, “Where am I, Cathy?”
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.

Q: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?

Q: Were you present at the time your picture was taken?

Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
A: Now whose death do you suppose terminated it?

Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male or a female?
A: You tell me.

Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
A: Huh?? Are you qualified to ask that question?