Ching Chong Ling Long Ting Tong – Asians in the Library

UCLA student Alexandra Wallace posted a rant about Asian students using cell phones in the library to YouTube on March 13th, 2011. In the video.

Racist UCLA Student’s Bikini Photos Revealed
Racist UCLA Student’s Bikini Photos Revealed

Okay, so here at UCLA, it’s finals week.
So we know that I’m not the most politically correct person so don’t take this offensively. I don’t mean it toward any of my friends I mean it toward random people that I don’t even know in the library. So, you guys are not the problem.

The problem is these hordes of Asian people that UCLA accepts into our school every single year, which is fine. But if you’re going to come to UCLA then use American manners.
So it used to really bug me but it doesn’t bother me anymore the fact that all the Asian people that live in all the apartments around me — their moms and their brothers and their sisters and their grandmas and their grandpas and their cousins and everybody that they know that they’ve brought along from Asia with them – comes here on the weekends to do their laundry, buy their groceries and cook their food for the week. It’s seriously, without fail. You will always see old Asian people running around this apartment complex every weekend. That’s what they do. They don’t teach their kids to fend for themselves. You know what they don’t also teach them, is their manners.

Which brings me to my next point. Hi, in America we do not talk on our cell phones in the library. I swear every five minutes I will be — okay, not five minutes, say like fifteen minutes — I’ll be in like deep into my studying, into my political science theories and arguments and all that stuff, getting it all down, like typing away furiously, blah blah, blah, and then all of a sudden when I’m about to like reach an epiphany… Over here from somewhere, “Ooooh Ching Chong Ling Long Ting Tong, Ooohhhhh.”
Are you freaking kidding me? In the middle of finals week? So being the polite, nice American girl that my momma raised me to be, I kinda just gave him what anybody else would do that kinda like, [puts finger up to lips in a “shh” motion].

“You know it’s a library, like, we’re trying to study, thanks!” And then it’s the same thing five minutes later. But it’s somebody else, you know — I swear they’re going through their whole families, just checking on everybody from the tsunami thing. I mean I know, okay, that sounds horrible like I feel bad for all the people affected by the tsunami, but if you’re gonna go call your address book like you might as well go outside because if something is wrong you might really freak out if you’re in the library and everybody’s quiet like you seriously should go outside if you’re gonna do that.
So, thanks for listening, that was my rant. I just — even if you’re not Asian you really shouldn’t be on your cell phone in the library but I’ve just never seen that happen before so thank you for listening and have a nice day.

Lex Luthor Took Forty Cakes

Lex Luthor Took Forty Cakes is a popular comic book illustration from the 1978 children’s dictionary The Super Dictionary featuring illustrations of heroes and villains from DC comics. One of the illustrations in the book depicts Lex Luthor, running away with a cart filled with 40 cakes.

It's from the DC Dictionary, which was from a series of books from the '70s designed to help kids read.
Lex Luthor Took Forty Cakes – Super Dictionary

When no one was looking, Lex Luthor
took forty cakes. He took 40 cakes.
That’s as many as four tens.
And that’s terrible.

Deal with it Lex Luthor You never touch my cakes again.
Deal with it Lex Luthor
You never touch my cakes again.

Another trait in the characters is, unsurprisingly for a naturalistic story, not really anything to do with them so much as the short story’s attitude towards them. Naturalism tends to ignore concepts such as rightness or wrongness, in favor of simply stating that things are as they are (objectivism). For example, a non-naturalistic visual “super dictionary” featuring DC comic book characters might say “When no one was looking, Lex Luthor stole forty cakes. He took 40 cakes. That’s as many as four tens. And that’s terrible.” Redundancy and general ludicrosity aside, since it was meant to help children learn when it was published in 1978, it clearly takes a stance on whether Lex Luthor is being morally right or wrong in his actions. Naturalism, in general, typically ignores these concepts. None of the characters in “The Open Boat” are every reprimanded for having a right or wrong opinion by the Correspondent in his notes; they are simply pointed out and left as is. In a sense, the story uses both objectivism at the same time as it is being amoral.

When no one was looking, Lex Luthor took forty cakes
When no one was looking, Lex Luthor
took forty cakes

Troll Science – Crushed Between Two Portals

And this is what happens when you put recycle bin into recycle bin
And this is what happens when you put recycle bin into recycle bin

One theory is that it would pull apart the fabric of time, considering you can not lay a portal attop of another without damaging space fabrics. Therefore, this would create a paradox, or black hole. But since this doesn’t seem to be illustrated, the best guess I can give is that the portals would pass through and reflect each other’s world, like two mirrors in front of one another.

As the portals got closer to each other, the left side of your body would get mashed up against the right side. Different parts of your body would attempt to occupy the same space, and just end up crushing each other. You’d get crushed into a red paste, evenly distributed through the diameter of the portals.

If you could somehow see inside the portals (which you can’t, without occupying that space and therefore crushing yourself) it would just appear to be one long endless tunnel.

You’d be infinitely spread through the portals, so to you, it would appear that you were infinitely long, like looking into a hall of mirrors, but it doesn’t reflect. Along with that, there would be multiple versions of yourself. Because there would be one of you that goes through the orange portal, one of you that goes through the blue portal, and the rest of you that would go through the other side of the top and bottom portals. To anyone looking on, it would appear you were crushed, and you would be, but not in the way they see it. You would infinitely collide with yourself over and over again, to the point where you crush yourself. If that didn’t kill you, there would be no air, or very little of it (it depends on if the portals touch completely). If that didn’t kill you either, you would simply die by extreme temperature. If you are in an infinite loop of portals, you really are only taking of area of 2 Dimensions. Depth would not exist, so you would (probably) burn up because of the heat collapsing. I haven’t even talked about the fact that this could probably create a black hole