Q: What goes up and down but does not move?
Q: Where should a 500 pound alien go?
A: On a diet
Q: What did one toilet say to the other?
A: You look a bit flushed.
Q: Why did the picture go to jail?
A: Because it was framed.
Q: What did one wall say to the other wall?
A: I’ll meet you at the corner.
Q: What did the paper say to the pencil?
A: Write on!
Q: What do you call a boy named Lee that no one talks to?
Q: What gets wetter the more it dries?
A: A towel.
Q: Why do bicycles fall over?
A: Because they are two-tired!
Q: Why do dragons sleep during the day?
A: So they can fight knights!
Q: What did Cinderella say when her photos did not show up?
A: Someday my prints will come!
Q: Why was the broom late?
A: It over swept!
Q: What part of the car is the laziest?
A: The wheels, because they are always tired!
Q: What did the stamp say to the envelope?
A: Stick with me and we will go places!
Q: What is blue and goes ding dong?
A: An Avon lady at the North Pole!
Q: We’re you long in the hospital?
A: No, I was the same size I am now!
Q: Why couldn’t the pirate play cards?
A: Because he was sitting on the deck!
Q: What did the laundryman say to the impatient customer?
A: Keep your shirt on!
Q: What’s the difference between a TV and a newspaper?
A: Ever tried swatting a fly with a TV?
Q: What did one elevator say to the other elevator?
A: I think I’m coming down with something!
Q: Why was the belt arrested?
A: Because it held up some pants!
Q: Why was everyone so tired on April 1st?
A: They had just finished a March of 31 days.
Q: Which hand is it better to write with?
A: Neither, it’s best to write with a pen!
Q: Why can’t your nose be 12 inches long?
A: Because then it would be a foot!
Q: What makes the calendar seem so popular?
A: Because it has a lot of dates!
Q: Why did Mickey Mouse take a trip into space?
A: He wanted to find Pluto!
Q: What is green and has yellow wheels?
A: Grass ..I lied about the wheels!
Q: What is it that even the most careful person overlooks?
A: Her nose!
Q: Did you hear about the robbery last night?
A: Two clothes pins held up a pair of pants!
Q: Why do you go to bed every night?
A: Because the bed won’t come to you!
Q: Why did Billy go out with a prune?
A: Because he couldn’t find a date!
Q: Why do eskimos do their laundry in Tide?
A: Because it’s too cold out-tide!
Q: How do you cure a headache?
A: Put your head through a window and the pane will just disappear!
Q: What has four wheels and flies?
A: A garbage truck!
Q: What kind of car does Mickey Mouse’s wife drive?
A: A minnie van!
Q: Why don’t traffic lights ever go swimming?
A: Because they take too long to change!
Q: Why did the man run around his bed?
A: To catch up on his sleep!
Q: Why did the robber take a bath before he stole from the bank?
A: He wanted to make a clean get away!