I met a camel with no humps, so I named him Humphrey.
How do you kill a circus? You go for the juggler.
Didja hear about the new restaurant on the moon? It’s got great food, but no atmosphere.
Remember alcohol and calculus don’t mix so don’t drink and derive.
I’m addicted to placebos. I’d give them up but it wouldn’t make any difference.
The doctor comes out into the waiting room for the next patient. He’s shocked to see a man sitting there with a frog growing out of his head. The doctor’s cries, “Oh my god, how did that happen?”
The frog answered “I don’t know; it began as a pimple on my butt.”
Why don’t blind people like to sky dive?
Because it scares the hell out of the dog.
How are a texas tornado and a Tennessee divorce the same?
Somebody’s gonna lose a trailer.
What did the outlet say to the cord?
Socket to me, baby…
What do you call a running chicken?
Poultry in motion…
What happened when a ship carrying red paint collided with a ship carrying blue paint?
Both crews were marooned…