F.B.I. psychiatric hospital phone logs

FBI agents conducted a raid of a psychiatric hospital in San Diego that was under investigation for medical insurance fraud. After hours of reviewing thousands of medical records, the dozens of agents had worked up quite an appetite. The agent in charge of the investigation called a nearby pizza parlor with delivery service to order a quick dinner for his colleagues.

fbi funny.jpg

The following telephone conversation took place and was recorded by the FBI because they were taping all conversations at the hospital.

Agent: Hello. I would like to order 19 large pizzas and 67 cans of soda.

Pizza Man: And where would you like them delivered?

Agent: We’re over at the psychiatric hospital.

Pizza Man: The psychiatric hospital?

Agent: That’s right. I’m an FBI agent.

Pizza Man: You’re an FBI agent?

Agent: That’s correct. Just about everybody here is.

Pizza Man: And you’re at the psychiatric hospital?

Agent: That’s correct. And make sure you don’t go through the front doors. We have them locked. You will have to go around to the back to the service entrance to deliver the pizzas.

Pizza Man: And you say you’re all FBI agents?

Agent: That’s right. How soon can you have them here?

Pizza Man: And everyone at the psychiatric hospital is an FBI agent?

Agent: That’s right. We’ve been here all day and we’re starving.

Pizza Man: How are you going to pay for all of this?

Agent: I have my checkbook right here.

Pizza Man: And you’re all FBI agents?

Agent: That’s right. Everyone here is an FBI agent. Can you remember to bring the pizzas and sodas to the service entrance in the rear? We have the front doors locked.

Pizza Man: I don’t think so.

** Click **

The following is a direct quote from the Center for Strategic and International Studies report on GLOBAL ORGANIZED CRIME.

Bad Jokes About Elon Musk

elon musk eyes.png

  1. How does AC/DC get to space? Rock it!
  2. What do you call it when Elon Musk’s kids run in circles after eating candy? A hyperloop!
  3. What do you take when you go to a rave on the international space station? SpaceX!
  4. What do Elon Musk’s Christmas Cards say? “Tesla Season To Be Jolly!”
  5. What does a new Tesla smell like? Elon’s Musk!
  6. Why did the kangaroo join Elon Musks space program? He wanted to be a Mars-supial.
  7. What do rock bands do when they play for Elon Musk in Nevada? Gigafactory!
  8. Why didn’t Musk’s kids stick around to watch him drill a hole? Because it was boring.
  9. What’s Elon Musk’s favorite meal of the day? Launch time.
  10. Why was the SpaceX rocket late for liftoff? Because it was Dragon.
  11. How does SpaceX pull together a mission to Mars? They have to plan it.
  12. Why did the astronaut break up with his girlfriend? He just needed space.
  13. A restaurant critic reviewed space. He said it was beautiful but lacked atmosphere
  14. What’s Elon Musk’s favorite Swedish pop band? Ace of Space.
  15. What was Elon Musk’s favorite book in high school? Tesla of the D’Urbervilles.

Best Jokes About Psychology

1. Q. Why was Pavlov’s hair so soft?
A. Classical Conditioning

2. Did you hear the one about the statistician? Probably….

3.  Q. How many psychologists does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. One, but the lightbulb really has to want to change.

4.  Q. How many “Rogerians” does it take to change a light bulb?
A. How many do you think it takes?

5.  Three Freudians go into a bar.  The barman asks for some id.

6.  “Doctor, there’s a man here to see you who thinks he’s invisible.”
“Tell him I can’t see him right now.”

7.  One behaviorist meets another on the street.
“How am I feeling today?”

Psychology funny waldo.jpg

8.  Q. What’s the difference between an experimental psychologist and a magician?
A. An experimental psychologist pulls habits out of rats.

9. Client: “Doctor, help me. I think I’m a dog.”
Psychologist: “Lie down on the couch.”
Client: “I can’t. I’m not allowed on the furniture.”

10.  Q. What did the hippocampus say when it retired?
A. Thanks for the memories.

11.  “Doctor, I feel as though nobody understands me.”
“What do you mean by that?”

12.  “Doctor, I feel like such a failure.”
“Anyone who can pay my fee is certainly not a failure.”

13. Q: How many narcissists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: One to hold the lightbulb still, while the world revolves around him.

14.  A lottery is a tax on people who don’t know statistics.

15.  Two statisticians go hunting. A duck flies by. One statistician fires 5 feet over the duck’s head. The other statistician fires 5 feet under the duck’s head. They turn to each other, “We got him!”

16.  Did you hear about the statistician who had his head in an oven and his feet in a bucket of ice? When asked how he felt, he replied, “On the average I feel just fine.”

17.  George Burns said that “If you live to be one hundred, you’ve got it made. Very few people die past that age.”