Some of the best one liners on the internet

Every morning is the dawn of a new error-

For people who like peace and quiet: a phoneless cord.

The beatings will continue until morale improves.

I used up all my sick days, so I’m calling in dead.

Mental Floss prevents Moral Decay.

Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.

Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking.

I don’t have a solution but I admire the problem.

Diplomacy is the art of saying ‘Nice doggie|’… till you can find a rock.

Diplomacy – the art of letting someone have your way.

If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?

If things get any worse, I’ll have to ask you to stop helping me.

It’s not hard to meet expenses, they’re everywhere.

Help Wanted: Telepath. You know where to apply.

Budget: A method for going broke methodically.

Car service: If it ain’t broke, we’ll break it.

Shin: A device for finding furniture in the dark.

Do witches run spell checkers?

Demons are a Ghouls best Friend.

Copywight 1994 Elmer Fudd. All wights wesewved.

Department of Redundancy Department

Headline: Bear takes over Disneyland in Pooh D’Etat|

What has four legs and an arm? A happy pit bull.

Cannot find REALITY.SYS. Universe halted.

2 + 2 = 5 for extremely large values of 2.

Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.

My software never has bugs. It just develops random features

C:\WINDOWS C:\WINDOWS\GO C:\PC\CRAWL

C:\DOS C:\DOS\RUN RUN\DOS\RUN

BREAKFAST.COM Halted…Cereal Port Not Responding

Access denied–nah nah na nah nah|

Why doesn’t DOS ever say “EXCELLENT command or filename|”

As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing.

Southern DOS: Y’all reckon? (Yep/Nope)

Backups? We don’ *NEED* no steenking backups.

… File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)

Ethernet (n): something used to catch the etherbunny

An error? Impossible| My modem is error correcting.

Disinformation is not as good as datinformation.

Who’s General Failure & why’s he reading my disk?

RAM disk is *not* an installation procedure.

Shell to DOS…Come in DOS, do you copy? Shell to DOS…

Smash forehead on keyboard to continue…..

Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue…

ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI|

Error: Keyboard not attached. Press F1 to continue.

“640K ought to be enough for anybody.” – Bill Gates, 1981

DOS Tip #17: Add DEVICE=FNGRCROS.SYS to CONFIG.SYS

Hidden DOS secret: add BUGS=OFF to your CONFIG.SYS

Press any key… no, no, no, NOT THAT ONE|

Press any key to continue or any other key to quit…

Excuse me for butting in, but I’m interrupt-driven.

REALITY.SYS corrupted: Reboot universe? (Y/N/Q)

Error reading FAT record: Try the SKINNY one? (Y/N)

Hit any user to continue.

I hit the CTRL key but I’m still not in control|

If debugging is the process of removing bugs, then programming must be the process of putting them in.

Real programmers don’t document. If it was hard to write, it should be hard to understand.