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The real meaning of real estate terms
- Unusual location: In the path of a projected motorway.
- Local authority grants available: About to be condemned.
- Period residence: Built in the last two years.
- Select neighborhood: Beside sewage works.
- Compact: Tiny.
- Country gentleman’s residence: No longer suitable for agricultural tenants.
- Unusual features: No roof.
- Delightful rural location: In flight path of nuclear bomber base.
- Box room: Suitable for accommodating one or two large cardboard boxes, Folded.
- A wealth of period features: Your self, dry rot, rising damp and an electrical circuit best operated in rubber gloves and wellies.
- Quite, secluded setting: On site of proposed dormitory town.
- Well situated: In full view of the neighbors.
- Within easy distance of: Next door to a pub and opposite a sex shop local amenities.
- Rare opportunity to buy: No one else want’s it.
- For the gardening enthusiast: Grounds like a jungle.
- Extensively modernized: Former DIY owner had a breakdown under the strain.
- Unspoilt: Planning permission granted for field next door.
- Deceptive appearance: It looks terrible.
- Partial central heating: The room above the boiler can get warm in summer.
- Easily maintained: Requires at least two gardeners and live-in maid.
- Useful outbuildings: No inside toilet.
- Much sought after: It’s been on the market at least twice before and still no one wants it.
- By private treaty: If it went to auction it would never reach the reserve price.
- Owner eager to sell: If it goes within a week the subsidence cracks won’t be noticed.
- Subject to new instructions: They have just discovered death watch beetle.
- Sold: Unless idiots like you offer a higher price.
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