Jokes

The real meaning of real estate terms

Unusual location: In the path of a projected motorway.
Local authority grants available: About to be condemned.
Period residence: Built in the last two years.
Select neighborhood: Beside sewage works.
Compact: Tiny.
Country gentleman’s residence: No longer suitable for agricultural tenants.
Unusual features: No roof.
Delightful rural location: In flight path of nuclear bomber base.
Box room: Suitable for accommodating one or two large cardboard boxes, Folded.
A wealth of period features: Your self, dry rot, rising damp and an electrical circuit best operated in rubber gloves and wellies.
Quite, secluded setting: On site of proposed dormitory town.
Well situated: In full view of the neighbors.
Within easy distance of: Next door to a pub and opposite a sex shop local amenities.
Rare opportunity to buy: No one else want’s it.
For the gardening enthusiast: Grounds like a jungle.
Extensively modernized: Former DIY owner had a breakdown under the strain.
Unspoilt: Planning permission granted for field next door.
Deceptive appearance: It looks terrible.
Partial central heating: The room above the boiler can get warm in summer.
Easily maintained: Requires at least two gardeners and live-in maid.
Useful outbuildings: No inside toilet.
Much sought after: It’s been on the market at least twice before and still no one wants it.
By private treaty: If it went to auction it would never reach the reserve price.
Owner eager to sell: If it goes within a week the subsidence cracks won’t be noticed.
Subject to new instructions: They have just discovered death watch beetle.
Sold: Unless idiots like you offer a higher price.

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