I believe animal testing is a horrible concept; they get all nervous and provides the flawed solutions.
— A Little bit of Fry and Laurie
The hypothalamus is likely one of the most necessary elements of the mind, concerned in lots of sorts of motivation, amongst different features. The hypothalamus controls the “4 F’s”: 1. combating; 2. fleeing; 3. feeding; and 4. mating.
— Psychology professor in neuropsychology intro course
What’s a committee? A gaggle of the unwilling, picked from the unfit, to do the pointless.
— Richard Harkness, The New York Instances, 1960
Slogan of 105.9, the traditional rock radio station in Chicago: “Of all of the radio stations in Chicago … we’re one in every of them.”
With each passing hour our photo voltaic system comes forty-three thousand miles nearer to globular cluster 13 within the constellation Hercules, and nonetheless there are some misfits who proceed to insist that there isn’t any such factor as progress.
— Ransom Okay. Ferm
Insanity takes its toll. Please have precise change.
Making use of laptop know-how is solely discovering the fitting wrench to pound within the right screw.
The graduate with a Science diploma asks, “Why does it work?”
The graduate with an Engineering diploma asks, “How does it work?”
The graduate with an Accounting diploma asks, “How a lot will it value?”
The graduate with a Liberal Arts diploma asks, “Would you like fries with that?”
Karate is a type of martial arts wherein individuals who have had years and years of coaching can, utilizing solely their palms and toes, make among the worst motion pictures within the historical past of the world.
— Dave Barry
I’m not a vegetarian as a result of I really like animals; I’m a vegetarian as a result of I hate crops.
— A. Whitney Brown
An amazing many individuals suppose they’re considering when they’re merely rearranging their prejudices.
— William James
By no means underestimate the bandwidth of a station wagon filled with tapes hurtling down the freeway.
— Andrew Tannenbaum
We must be cautious to get out of an expertise solely the knowledge that’s in it – and cease there; lest we be just like the cat that sits down on a scorching stove-lid. She is going to by no means sit down on a scorching stove-lid once more, and that’s effectively; but in addition she is going to by no means sit down on a chilly one anymore.
— Mark Twain
There’s a lot comedy on tv. Does that trigger comedy within the streets?
— Dick Cavett, mocking the TV-violence debate
If a girl has to decide on between catching a fly ball and saving an toddler’s life, she is going to select to save lots of the toddler’s life with out even contemplating if there are males on base.
— Dave Barry
I’m sick unto loss of life of obscure English cities that exist seemingly for the only lodging of those so-called limerick writers and even sicker of their residents, all of whom undergo from bodily deformities and spend their time dismembering family at fancy costume balls.
— Editor of the Limerick Instances (Limerick, Eire)
When cryptography is outlawed, bayl bhgynjf jvyy unir cevinpl.
Lazlo’s Chinese language Relativity Axiom: Regardless of how nice your triumphs or how tragic your defeats, roughly one billion Chinese language could not care much less.
Some mornings, it is simply not value chewing by way of the leather-based straps.
— Emo Phillips
Writing about music is like dancing about structure.
Expertise is that marvelous factor that lets you acknowledge a mistake if you make it once more.
— F. P. Jones
Human beings, who’re nearly distinctive in being able to study from the expertise of others, are additionally exceptional for his or her obvious disinclination to take action.
— Douglas Adams, Final Probability to See
As your lawyer, it’s my responsibility to tell you that it isn’t necessary that you just perceive what I am doing or why you are paying me a lot cash. What’s necessary is that you just proceed to take action.
— Hunter S. Thompson’s Samoan Lawyer
Once I informed the individuals of Northern Eire that I used to be an atheist, a girl within the viewers stood up and mentioned, “Sure, however is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you do not consider?”
— Quentin Crisp
Boundary, n. In political geography, an imaginary line between two nations, separating the imaginary rights of 1 from the imaginary rights of one other.
— Ambrose Bierce, The Satan’s Dictionary
I believe that each one right-thinking individuals on this nation are sick and bored with being informed that bizarre, first rate persons are fed up on this nation with being sick and drained. I am actually not! However I am sick and bored with being informed that I’m!
— Monty Python
Might the forces of evil turn into confused on the best way to your home.
— George Carlin
Sorry, however my karma simply ran over your dogma.
Those that make peaceable revolution inconceivable will make violent revolution inevitable.
— John F. Kennedy
Life might haven’t any which means. And even worse, it might have a which means of which I disapprove.
— Ashleigh Sensible
My opinions might have modified, however not the truth that I’m proper.
— Ashleigh Sensible
Drawing on my tremendous command of language, I mentioned nothing.
All the time attempt to do issues in chronological order; it is much less complicated that means.
Primarily based on what you understand about him in historical past books, what do you suppose Abraham Lincoln can be doing if he had been alive at this time?
1. Writing his memoirs of the Civil Battle.
2. Advising the President.
3. Desperately clawing on the within his coffin.
— David Letterman
As soon as at a social gathering, Gladstone mentioned to Disraeli, “I predict, Sir, that you’ll die both by hanging or of some vile illness”. Disraeli replied, “That every one relies upon, sir, upon whether or not I embrace your ideas or your mistress.”
For 3 days after loss of life, hair and fingernails proceed to develop however cellphone calls taper off.
— Johnny Carson
An important factor within the programming language is the identify. A language is not going to succeed and not using a good identify. I’ve just lately invented an excellent identify and now I’m searching for an appropriate language.
— D. E. Knuth, 1967
A slipping gear may let your M203 grenade launcher hearth if you least anticipate it. That will make you fairly unpopular in what’s left of your unit.
— Within the August 1993 problem, web page 9, PS journal, the Military’s journal of preventive upkeep
Calvin: Individuals suppose it have to be enjoyable to be an excellent genius, however they do not notice how arduous it’s to place up with all of the idiots on the earth.
Hobbes: Is not your pants’ zipper alleged to be within the entrance?
On one event a scholar burst into his workplace. “Professor Stigler, I do not consider I deserve this F you have given me.” To which Stigler replied, “I agree, however sadly it’s the lowest grade the College will permit me to award.”
Don’t be concerned about temptation–as you get older, it begins avoiding you.
— Previous Farmer’s Almanac
G: “If we do occur to step on a mine, Sir, what can we do?”
EB: “Regular process, Lieutenant, is to leap 200 toes within the air and scatter oneself over a large space.”
— Someplace in No Man’s Land, BA4
The thoughts just isn’t a vessel to be stuffed however a hearth to be kindled.
The one distinction between me and a madman is that I’m not mad.
— Salvador Dali
I hate to advocate medicine, alcohol, violence, or madness to anybody, however they’ve all the time labored for me.
— Hunter S. Thompson
Sacred cows make the perfect hamburger.
— Mark Twain