The CDC Just Released a Comprehensive List of Everything You Can Do Once You Have the COVID Vaccine

Batman Vaccinated

You can now deliver your $12 birthday check to your grandson, in person.

You can now eat a Bloomin’ Onion inside Outback Steakhouse, as God intended.

You can now put your arms out and expect birds to alight on them, in song. 

You can now correctly spell and say Worcestershire.

You can now always pick the most perfectly ripe avocado. 

You can now know the exact right time to leave a conversation before it gets dull. 

You can now pee in a pool and it WON’T turn blue. 

You can now flawlessly parallel park, even with someone watching. 

You can now remember all your passwords. 

You can now remove the tags off mattresses without getting in trouble.

You can now juggle plates, bowling pins, and, if you received the Pfizer vaccine, fire.

You can now go to the beach and not get sandy holes. 

You can now predict the weather and guess what? It’s always sunny.

  I guess he had no other way of cleaning.

You can now cut to the front of the line at the DMV. 

You can now fly.

You can now solve crimes. 

You can now avenge your parents’ grisly murder.

You can now live with a very old man who tends to your cave of sadness.

You can now be Batman. 

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