The 20 best Chuck Norris facts – Chuck Norris can divide by zero

Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris

In 2005, a series of jokes starting circulating online, possibly inspired by the American comedian and broadcaster Conan O’Brien. Deliberately absurd, and focussing on Norris’s virility, manliness and all-round heroism, a typical “Chuck Norris fact” runs like this: “Chuck Norris has never won an Academy Award for acting… because he’s not acting.” Or: “Chuck Norris can divide by zero.”

  1. Chuck Norris was bitten by a cobra and after five days of excruciating pain… the cobra died.
  2. He who laughs last, laughs best. He who laughs at Chuck Norris, it’s definitely his last laugh. (In his book, The Official Chuck Norris Fact Book, Norris added under this fact: “Now that’s funny. I love to laugh, as do most people.” Most people are still unsure if he was joking.)
  3. The easiest way to determine Chuck Norris’s age is to cut him in half and count the rings. (Norris commented: “Three years ago, at the end of a Nightline interview, ABC host Bill Weir asked me my age and I told him 66. Then I added with a smile, ‘I like to say I’m 39, with 27 years of experience.'”)
  4. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
  5. Chuck Norris doesn’t dial the wrong number. You answered the wrong phone.
  6. Chuck Norris knows Victoria’s secret.
  7. If Chuck Norris was a Spartan in the movie 300, the movie would be called 1.
  8. When Chuck Norris turned 18, his parents moved out.
  9. When Chuck Norris swims in the ocean, the sharks are in a steel cage.
  10. Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn’t nearly foolish enough to attack him.
  11. Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its descendants today are known as giraffes.
  12. Chuck Norris doesn’t breathe air. He holds air hostage.
  13. Chuck Norris can delete the Recycling Bin.
  14. Chuck Norris has already been to Mars. That’s why there are no signs of life.
  15. Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
  16. Chuck Norris’s calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2. No one fools Chuck Norris.
  17. Chuck Norris wears sunglasses so that his eyes won’t hurt the sun.
  18. If you see Chuck Norris crying he will grant you a wish, if your wish is dying.
  19. When Chuck Norris works out he doesn’t get stronger, the machine does.
  20. Chuck Norris does not sleep; he waits.