Tagged: God

Oh my god how many brain cells can one individual lack

Mine was a cat, then a dog, then a hamster, now he says he is super mario. Changing identity is becoming a time consuming process and he is only 4! Well, parents are allowed to make stupid decisions on behalf of their children. If we allow people to treat their children’s pneumonia with essential oils, indoctrinate them into cults and mutilate their genitalia, how’s this any different?

Celebrating fertility and the “power” of the penis – This is also called Shinto fertility festival

How about we book a day to worship the penis? Well, that is what the people of Kawasaki in Japan have made; they decided to celebrate fertility and the “power” of the penis.

via GIPHY

It is also called Shinto fertility festival of Shinto beliefs of use of the opening of the nature and deliberate simplicity. Shinto is a Japanese religion, it emphasizes ritual practices to execute diligently to establish a connection between Japan and present its ancient past. This interesting ritual takes place annually on the first Sunday of April, with all sorts of phallic ongoing activities.

There is also a mikoshi (portable shrine) parade many giant phallus noon. Transvestites men wear “Elizabeth Mikoshi” pink offered by a drag queen club called Elizabeth. The high profits from the event go in search of HIV.

Here are some backstory. Kanayama Shrine was popular with sex workers of local tea houses praying for protection against sexually transmitted diseases. Two gods of mining and blacksmiths, and Kanayamahiko Kanayamahime, are entrenched in what may seem quite unrelated phallus. But the Japanese legend says they healed the Shinto goddess Izanami after she gave birth to a god of fire. People prayed for STDs, birth regarding etc. because of this myth. Another story tells of a devil fell in love with a woman and hidden in her vagina, biting the penis of her husband newlyweds twice. She then sought the help of a blacksmith, who made him a metal phallus. He broke the teeth of the devil and sent it for good. They later enshrined in Kanayama shrine as a kind of commemoration.

A radio host likens Donald Trump to “the King of Israel”, Nothing but respect for our King of Israel

In August 2019 President Donald Trump claimed “every Jew who vote for Democrats” display “good total lack of knowledge or great disloyalty.” It was the latest in a list of inflammatory statements by Trump that some considered anti-Semitic. In 2015, the Times of Israel wrote then-candidate Trump called “offensive stereotypes” when he told a group of Czech Jews, “I am the negotiator as you are a negotiator,” before asking, “Is there anyone in this room who does not negotiate the offer?” In April 2019, he raised eyebrows when he responded Czech Jews called Israeli leader Benjamin Netanyahu as “prime minister to you.”

Not long after the “infidelity” of his comments Trump retweeted a comment by right-wing radio host Wayne Allen Root, which insists on “Jews in Israel love [Trump] as he is the King of Israel. They loved him like he was the second coming of God .. . But American Jews do not know him or like him. ” According to the New York Daily News, Internet users observe that the Jews do not believe in “the second coming of God” and the phrase “King of Israel” used to mock Christ before his crucifixion.

kalhh / Pixabay

The roots are not alone in praising Trump relations with Israel. Media Matters reported that Fox News host Jeanine Pirro, who previously has advocated jailing critics Trump, agreed to keynote “Jexit,” directed Democratic fundraiser Jewish assured that Donald Trump “is the greatest friend to Israel and the Jewish people.”

Thousands of people ask Netflix to cancel Amazon Prime Good Omens

More than 20,000 Christians have signed a petition for the cancellation of Good Omens, the television series adapted from the fantasy novel by Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman of 1990, which unfortunately is directed to Netflix when the series is made by Amazon Prime.

The six-part series was released last month, starring David Tennant as the demon Crowley and Michael Sheen as the angel Aziraphale, who collaborate to prevent the arrival of the antichrist and an impending apocalypse. Pratchett’s last request to Gaiman before he died was that he adapt the novel they wrote together; Gaiman wrote the script and worked as a showrunner in the BBC / Amazon co-production, which Radio Times called “a devilishly funny love letter to the book.”

But Christians organized by the Return to Order campaign, a branch of the United States Foundation for a Christian civilization, do not agree. More than 20,000 supporters have signed a petition saying Good Omens is “another step to make satanism seem normal, light and acceptable,” and “mocks the wisdom of God.” God, they complain, it is “expressed by a woman” – Frances McDormand – the antichrist is a “normal child” and, most importantly, “this kind of video brings to light Truth, Error, Good and Evil , and it destroys the barriers of the horror that society still has for the devil. “They are calling Netflix to cancel the program.

Return to Order is based on the writings of author John Horvat II. “He calls on Americans to put the principles into practice by working towards what is called an organic Christian society.” Another request in April called on Walmart to “stop selling satanic products” after a protest in 2018 against a “blasphemous ice cream chain called Sweet Jesus.”

Books for children you’ll newer see

“Pop! Goes The Hamster …. And other cool games for microwaves”

“You were an accident”

“Strangers have the best candy”

“The little ladybug that got hooked”

“Some kittens can fly!”

“Get more chocolate in your face”

“Where would you like to be buried?”

“Kathy was so bad that her mother stopped loving her”

“The Wild Animals Book of the Association of Attention Deficit Disorders
North America – Hey! Let’s ride our bikes!

“All dogs go to hell”

“The children’s hitchhiking guide”

“When mom and dad do not know the answer, they say God did it”

“Garfield contracts feline leukemia”

“What is that dog doing to that other dog?”

“Why is Mr. Fork and Mrs. Electrical Outlet not friends?”

Bi-curious george”

“Daddy drink because you cry”

“The policeman eats his service revolver”

“You’re different and that’s bad”

“Dad’s new wife, Timothy”

“Homemade parachute test using only the pets in your home”

“The Hardy Boys, the Barbie Twins and the Vice Squad”

“Babar meets the taxidermist”

“Curious George and the high-voltage fence”

“The child who died by eating all his vegetables”

“Start a real estate empire with the change of your mother’s bag”

“The emerging book of human anatomy”

“Things that rich kids have, but you never will”

“The Care Bears attacks some campers and they are shot dead”

“How to become the dominant military power in your elementary school”

“Controlling the playground: respect through fear”

Dumbest 911 Calls They’ve Ever Received

  • The unidentified woman was stationed in a Walgreen store in Kissimmee. “My car does not start, I’m locked inside my car,” said the unidentified woman. “Nothing works with electricity, and it’s very hot here and I do not feel well.” The dispatcher then suggested lifting the lock. The woman tried and managed to open the door successfully.
  • John Triplette, a 45-year-old unemployed, was accused of abusing the 911 emergency line: he made more than 27,000 calls to 911.
    The police say he was a lonely man who would call the dispatchers for company, sometimes hundreds of times a day. It would also make several noises, including grunts and other bodily noises, minimal conversations with a disguised voice, beeps from the touch pad, etc. The prank calls to 911 were made from a T-Mobile cell phone that led to his arrest after the police tracked the signal on his cell phone. The police said they apologized for the calls. He said he did them “because they were free.” He faces a $ 1,000 fine and / or six months in jail.
  • Angry because her local McDonald’s was outside of Chicken McNuggets, a Florida woman called 911 three times to report on the “emergency” of fast food. Latreasa Goodman, 27, called the police to complain that a cashier would not give her a refund. When the cops responded to the restaurant, Goodman told them, “This is an emergency, if I had known they did not have McNuggets, I would not have given my money, and now she wants to give me a McDouble, but I do not want one.” She was arrested and the police filed charges for misuse of the 911 system.
  • A frustrated German housewife called the police because her husband did not stop watching porn movies. The 44-year-old woman from Aachen dialed the emergency police number and told the dispatcher in a weeping voice that there was an emergency. But when the agents arrived on the scene, they found her walking around the apartment while her husband, 46, sat in front of the television watching a blue movie. However, she was told that there was nothing the police could do in such a case, but she referred her to a counselor to help her.
  • A 4-year-old boy named Johnny decided to call 911 when he needed help with his math homework. Surprisingly, the dispatcher really helped; The video is a must.
  • A woman called 911 to report that she did not have as many shrimp as she wanted in her fried rice at a restaurant in the Fort Worth area. The angry customer told the dispatcher: “to bring a police officer here, what has to happen?” The client also said: “He did not even put extra shrimp there.” The annoying customer was gone when an officer arrived the next day. Restaurant workers said the woman had been denied a refund after she left with her order, and then returned to complain. The cook said there was nothing wrong with the food.
  • A woman called the local 911 in China after her boyfriend refused to warm his cold feet. Police officer Xiao Deng of Ningbo received two consecutive calls, one from the woman who complained that her boyfriend refused to warm her feet, the other from the man who said his girlfriend was too demanding. Deng went to the rental apartment, near the University of Ningbo, to try to solve the problem, but found the couple still rowing. Finally, he persuaded the boyfriend that it was a man’s job to warm his girlfriend’s feet, but he told the woman not to leave his feet there for long. The young couple put aside their differences and thanked him for coming out to solve his problem.
  • A man in Beaverton, Oregon, called 911 when a nightclub refused to let him in. Employees at the nightclub “The Caribe” in Beaverton said they did not let in Edgar Dieguez-López because he was too intoxicated. Dieguez-Lopez then called 911 and complained to the dispatchers that he had been denied entry. The dispatchers explained through a translator that the club has the right to refuse the service and they asked him to wait outside for the police. The officers responded to the club and found cocaine inside one of Dieguez-López’s socks. He was arrested on drug charges.

Powerball numbers – Lottery Jokes

Powerball
Interviewer: “Congratulations on winning the $1 billion dollar Powerball lottery.”

Farmer: “Thank you.”

Interviewer: “Do you have any special plans for spending all of that money?”

Farmer: “Nope. Not really. I’m just going to buy some more farmland and keep farming until the lottery money is all gone.”

Blonde
A blonde wanted to win the lotto so she prayed to god, and she lost.
Next week she prayed to god again, and she lost.
The week after she prayed to god, and she lost.
She said to god, why wont you let me win?
God actually replied, How about buying a ticket first?

Financial Trouble
Bhojali finds himself in dire trouble.His business has gone bust and he’s in serious financial trouble. He’s so desperate that he decides to ask Ganesh for help. He goes into the temple and begins to pray.”Oh Ganesh,please help me,I’ve lost my business and if I don’t get some money, im going to lose my house as well. Please let me win the lottery.”Lotto night comes and somebody else wins it.Bohjaji goes back to the temple. “Ganesh please let me win the lotto. I’ve lost my business, my house and I’m going to lose my car as well.” Lotto night comes Bholaji still has no luck.Back to the temple he goes. “My Ganesh,why have you forsaken me.? I’ve lost my business, my house, my car and my wife children are starving.I don’t often ask you for help and I have always been a good servent to you. Why wont you just let me win the lotto this one time so I can get my life in order?”Suddenly there is a binding flash of li ght as the sky parts open and Bholaji is confronted by the voice of God.”Bholaji, buy a lottery ticket first.

What’s the difference between a man arguing with his wife and a man with a lottery ticket?
The man with a lottery ticket actually has a chance to win.

Did you hear about the new $5 million dollar Kentucky State Lottery?
The winner gets $5 for a million years.

The quickest way to double your money playing the lottery is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.

Why did the pig buy a Powerball ticket?
He wanted to be filthy Rich.

How does a yak win the Mega Millions lottery?
By winning the yak-pot.

What does a blonde and an instant win scratch lottery ticket have in common?
Simply scratch the box to win.

The Powerball: A tax on people who are bad at math.

Chuck Norris won the Powerball jackpot with a Mega Millions ticket.

If Mitt Romney ever becomes President, I’m guessing his secret service codename will be Mega Millions

The sad thing is I have a better chance of winning the lottery, than my boss giving me a holiday bonus.

Poor people don’t believe in anything except the lord and the lottery.

The chances of you dying on the way to get a lottery ticket is greater than you actually winning it.

Is you mom the lottery lady on TV? Because I’m picturing her holding up my balls.

Spelling Bee Jokes and Puns

A child was competing in a spelling bee and was doing quite well, until the moderator said: “your word is ‘inward’ “….
Spelling bee contestant: “N-I-G-G…”
Moderator: “Jesus no, stop please! ”

Q: Is there a word in the English language that uses all the vowels including “y” ?
A: Unquestionablely!

Q: What is the longest word in the English language?
A: Smiles. (There is a mile between the first letter and the last letter.)

Spell ICUP

Spell pig backwards and say lemonade

Matt: are you smart?
Brad: Yes.
Matt: spell it.
Brad: s-m-a-r-t
Matt: No, i said spell “it”

Q: Why are t and m the most unused letters in the alphabet
A: MT (empty)

Q: How do you spell mousetrap?
A: C-A-T.

What ten letter word starts with g-a-s?
Automobile.

Can you spell a pretty girl with two letters?
QT

Q: “What letter of the alphabet has got lots of water?”
A: “The C”

Q: “What letter of the alphabet is always waiting in order?”
A: “The Q. (queue)

Q: What begins with T, ends with T and has T in it?
A: A teapot.

Q: When I was young there was only 25 letters in the Alphabet?
A: Nobody new why.

Q: What is heavy forward but not backward?
A: Ton.

A boy is at a spelling bee.
Judge: “Your word is ‘buffering’.”
Boy: “Let me know when it’s loaded.”
Judge: “It’s not ‘loaded’. It’s ‘buffering’.”
Boy: “No problem, just tell me when…”
Judge: “Buffering!”
Boy: “Oh, OK…”
Judge: “No, it’s actually B-U-F-F-E-R-I-N-G.”

Q: Which letters do Tuesday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday have in common?
A: None! None of them have “c”, “o”,”m” or “n” in them.

Q: How do you make seven even?
A: Remove the ‘s’

Q: Why can’t you find the letter X in Church?
A: Because it was X-communicated.

Q: What’s the difference between here and there?
A: The letter T.

Can your moms name with two letters?
EZ.

How can you spell too much with two letters?
XS

I know 25 letters in the alphabet I don’t know Y.

Q: What five-letter word becomes shorter when you add two letters to it?
A: Short

Q: What is the most important thing a witch needs to learn in school?
A: Spelling.

Q: What’s the longest word in the dictionary?
A: Rubber-band — because it streches.

Q: What is at the end of the world?
A: The letter ‘d’

Can you spell eighty in two letters?
A-T.