Tagged: Dildo

Keeping Up With The Kardashians Humor

Q: What did Kim Kardashian learn about marriage?
A: It puts a ring on a woman’s finger and two under her eyes!

Q: What does Kim Kardashian and my car have in common?
A: They both have junk in their trunks.

Q: Why don’t the Kardashians like Santa Claus?
A: Cause everytime Santa sees them he keeps saying hoe hoe hoe!

Q: According to the police in Lima, Peru why are Jennifer Lopez and Kim Kardashian sitting on gold mines?
A: Because human-fat trafficking rings are selling cellulite to European cosmetic labs for $60,000 a gallon.

Q: How big is Kim Kardashian’s butt?
A1: When she were born, the doctor said “Congratulations! Twins!”
A2: It’s so big that they still can’t find the last chair she sat on.
A3: She put on some BVD’s and by the time they reached her waist they spelled out boulevard.
A4: She sat on a rainbow and made Skittles!
A5: When her beeper goes off, people think she is backing up!
A6: She has to iron her pants on the driveway!

https://beautythroughalookingglass.tumblr.com/post/161459644335/me

Q: What was the movie “Superbad” originally about?
A: A heart-warming tale about Kim Kardashian’s ass!

Q: How do you make Kim Kardashian’s eyes twinkle?
A: Shine a flashlight in her ear.

Q: Why shouldn’t you feel bad for basketball player Kris Humphries?
A: He’s on the rebound!

Q: Why did Reggie Bush want to break up with Kim Kardashian?
A: According to Kim’s press conference it was her constant need to be in the spotlight.

Statement: Kim Kardashian ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces.
Punchline: “Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces.”

Q: What does Kim Kardashian and door knobs have common?
A: Everyone gets a turn!

Q: What’s longer than a Kim Kardashian wedding?
A: The trick or treat line outside Casey Anthonys house

Q: Why did marine treasure hunters have to retract claims about finding a large booty?
A: It was just Kim Kardashian skinny dipping!

Q: What does Kris and Kim Kardashians marriage prove?
A: That same sex couples have no right to destroy the sanctity of marriage!

Q: What did Kim Kardashian’s right leg say to her left leg?
A: Nothing, they’ve never been together!!

Q: How hot is Kim Kardashian’s ass?
A: So hot Kim had an air conditioner implanted into it!

https://thecoolcoolcat.tumblr.com/post/161225582821/new-video

Q: What did doctors discover after Kim K had her butt x-rayed?
A: A brain tumor!

Q: Why did Kim Kardashian marriage end so quickly?
A: She could not take another episode of shex in the shitty.

Did you hear that wedding guests who gave expensive gifts are suing Kim Kardashian?
They intend to file an Ass-Action lawsuit!

Q: Why shouldn’t Kim be worried about Kris finding a “rebound” chick?
A: Anyone who has watched the Nets knows he’s bad at rebounding!

Q: How does Kris Humphries hope to win Kim back?
A: By painting his dick black!

Chuck Norris once flicked a pregnant woman’s stomach with his pinky. 9 Months later a beautiful baby girl was born with a severly swollen ass and severe brain damage. That baby girl grew up to be Kim Kardashian

Kim Kardashian said in a new interview that her next wedding will be on a private island with no TV cameras. Which raises a lot of questions, like, “If a Kardashian does something but there are no cameras, did it actually happen?”

Best and Popular South Park Quotes & One-Liners

South Park Sayings South Park Quotes, South Park Quotations. Sayings and One-liners from popular TV show.

And now Best from South Park

Eric Cartman: Hippies. They’re everywhere. They wanna save the earth, but all they do is smoke pot and smell bad.

Stan: Dude, dolphins are intelligent and friendly.
Cartman: Intelligent and friendly on rye bread with some mayonnaise.

Chef: You know what they say: You can’t teach a gay dog straight tricks.

Stan: You know, I think that if parents would spend less time worrying about what their kids watch on TV and more time worrying about what’s going on in their kids’ lives, this world would be a much better place.

Kyle: I think that parents only get so offended by television because they rely on it as a babysitter and the sole educator of their kids.

The level at which South Park takes it’s detail is ridiculous , look at he audience

south park demotivator

Satan: Without evil there could be no good, so it must be good to be evil sometimes.

Benjamin Franklin: I believe that if we are to form a new country, we cannot be a country that appears war-hungry and violent to the rest of the world. However, we also cannot be a country that appears weak and unwilling to fight, to the rest of the world. So, what if we form a country that appears to want both.
Thomas Jefferson: Yes, yes of course, we go to war and protest going to war at the same time….
Benjamin Franklin: And that means that as a nation, we could go to war with whomever we wished, but at the same time act like we didn’t want to. If we allow the people to protest what the government does, then the country will be forever blameless.
John Adams: It’s like having your cake and eating it too.
Anonymous Hick Redneck Founding Father: Think of it: an entire nation founded on saying one thing and doing another.
John Hancock: And we will call that country the United States of America.

Eric Cartman: Stan, don’t you know the first law of physics? Anything that’s fun costs at least eight dollars.

Chef: Don’t do drugs kids. There is a time and place for everything. It’s called college.

Kyle: Dude, Cartman, look! Your mom is on the cover of Crack Whore magazine.

Kyle: The fat bitch won’t let us.
Bus Driver: What did you say!?
Kyle: I said rabbits eat lettuce.

Sportscaster Frank: I haven’t seen an Englishman take a blow like that since Hugh Grant!

Sportscaster Frank: I haven’t seen a Jew run like that since Poland, 1938!

Cartman: Mom–Kitty is being a dildo.
Mrs. Cartman: Well, I know a little kitty who is sleeping with Mommy tonight.

Kyle: Kick the baby!
Ike: Don’t kick the goddamn’ baby.

Terrance: I have good news and bad news for you. The good news is that you’re perfectly healthy. The bad news is that you have cancer.

Stan’s Mom: Stan, what did I tell you about watching the Osbournes? It’s going to make you retarded!

Cartman (on a goat sent to him and his friends by some kids in Afghanistan): It’s an Afghanistan goat, so it can’t stay here, or else it’ll choke on the sweet air of freedom.

Stan: I don’t want to shoot the bunny.
Uncle Jimbo: No nephew of mine is going to be a tree hugger.
Cartman: Yeah, hippie. Go back to Woodstock if you don’t want to shoot anything.

Other Mom: Can Eric spend the night?
Mrs. Cartman: No, I’m sorry, Eric is grounded for trying to exterminate the Jews last week.

Mr. Garrison: No, that’s wrong, Cartman. But don’t worry. There are no stupid answers, just stupid people.

Mr. Garrison: Gay people, well, gay people are EVIL. Evil right down to their cold black hearts which pump not blood like yours or mine, but rather–a thick, vomitous oil that oozes through their rotten veins and clots in their pea-sized brains; which becomes the cause of their Nazi-esque patterns of violent behavior. Do you understand?

Eric Cartman: Attention shoppers! Outside today, we have a cripple fight. Cripple fight, outside!

Uncle Jimbo: Hell, everything’s legal in Mexico. It’s the American way!

Mr Garrison: Genetic engineering is man’s way of correcting God’s hideous mistakes, like German people.

Eric Cartman: I hate hippies! I mean, the way they always talk about ‘protectin’ the earth’ and then drive around in cars that get poor gas mileage and wear those stupid bracelets – I hate ’em! I wanna kick ’em in the nuts!

Mr. Garrison: Who was in charge of the feminist movement of the early ’60’s?
Cartman: A bunch of fat old skanks on their periods.
Mr. Garrison: Right. But who was the fattest, oldest skank on her period?

Eric Cartman: Well, I looked in my mom’s closet and saw what I was getting for Christmas, an UltraVibe Pleasure 2000.

Teacher: Kyle, concentrate!!!
Cartman: Maybe he should be sent to a concentration camp.

Porn parodies with creative titles

These porn parodies have unique and cool names… The titles are better than original movies themselves.

Airport 69
All the President’s Women
Ally McSqueal
America’s Horniest Home Videos
American Hair Pie
Anal-ize This
Analtasia
Anus and Andy
Apackolips Now
As Hard As It Gets
Ate Men Out
Bachelorette Party
Battlestar Orgasmica
Beat the Cock
Beaverjuice
Beaverly Hills Cop
The Big Sleazy
The Bitches of Westwick
Blast from the Pants
The Blown Ranger
Boobarella
Broadcast Nudes
Buttman and Bobbing
Captain Hooker and Peter Porn
Chinny Chinny Gang Bang
Choke-A-Hontas
A Clockwork Orgy
CockTale
Cumming Holmes
Crocodile Blondie
Dances with Foxes
Dangerous Lesions
Das Booty
Debbie Does Deliverance
Deeper Impacts
The Deer Humper
Dick, Tracy?
Dickman and Throbbing
Dirty Panting
Dr. Speckle and Ms. Hyde
Drilling Miss Daisy
E3: The Extra-Testicle
Easy Ride Her
Edward Penishands
Endless Lust
Erectnophobia
Facial Attraction
Ferris Bueller’s Jack Off
First Times at Cherry High
Fists of Fury
Flashpants
Flesh Gordon
The Flintbones
For Your Thighs Only
Forrest Hump
Frankenpenis
Friday the 69
Frosty the Blowman
FudgePac Man
G*A*S*H
The gAy Team
Genital Hospital
Ghostbangers
The Girl From S.E.X.
Gonad the Barbarian
The Good, The Bad, And the Horny
Good Will Humping
Great Sexpectations
Hannah and Her Blisters
Hannah Does Her Sisters
Headtv
The Hindlick Maneuver
Honey, I Blew the Kid
I Know Who You Did Last Summer
In and Out in Beverly Hills
Independence Nights
Indiana Bones in the Temple of June
Inspect Her Gadget
Intercourse with a Vampire
Interview with a Vibrator
Jennifer Ate
Jungle Beaver
Jurassic Pork
King Dong
Kinky Business
L.A. Raw
The Last Anal Hero
Lawrence of a Labia
Lethal Weapons
Little Shop of Whores
Looking for Mr. Goodsex
The Lust Boat
The Lust Bug
Lust in America
Lust in Space
Mad Maxine Beyond Thunderbone
The Man With the Golden Penis
Married With Hormones
Mary Bobbings
Miami Spice
A Midsummer Night’s Wet Dream
Mousecunt
Murphy’s Brown
My Bare Lady
My Three Sluts
National Pornographic’s Animal
Kingdom
Navy Squeals
A Nightmare on Dyke Street
NYDP Blew
On Golden Blonde
Pee-wee Sperming’s Big Adventure
The Pink Lagoon
Pleasure Island
PocaHotAss
Poop Dreams
Porn on the Fourth of July
Pornocchio
Pulp Friction
The Queer Hunter
Rambone
Rambutt
Robofox
The Rockford Piles
The Rocky Porno Video Show
Romancing the Bone
Rosemary’s Beaver
Satisfaction Jackson
Saturday Night Beaver
Saving Ryan’s Privates
Schindler’s Lust
The Sex Family Robinson
The Sex Files
Sex Lives of the Rich and Famous
The Sexorcist
Shakespeare in Lust
The Sheets of San Francisco
Sinderella
Single White Nympho
The 69 Olympics with Mark Spits and
Greg Largeanus
Snatch Adams
The Sperminator
Sperms of Endearment
Splatman
Star Whores
Starship Poopers
Star Trek: Erection
Star Trek: The Next Penetration
Studsky and Snatch
Suck Rodgers in the 69th Century
Summer of 69ing
2069, A Space Orgy
The T & A Team
Tales from the Dark Hole
Tango and Gash
Terms of Endowment
The Texas Dildo Massacre
Three Men and a Babe
Threesomes Company
To Live and Shave in LA
Top Buns
Total Reball
Turn Her and Hootch
The Twilight Bone
Twin Cheeks
The Wadd Squad
Waddzilla
Watersports World
A Wet Dream on Elm Street
When Harry Ate Sally
Where the Boy’s Aren’t
White Men Can’t Hump
Who Reamed Robin Rabbit?
Whore of the Worlds
Willy Wonka and the Hershey Highway
Yank My Doodle, It’s a Dandy
You’ve Got Male!