Tagged: Condom

Trojan Sponsored This Bizarre CollegeHumor Comic Clip About A Sex-Positive Horror Movie Villain

This short CollegeHumor Trojan  clip manages to three counts: it is funny, it is disturbing and, uh, promoted prominently for a well-known condom brand.

[embedyt] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xjltPmjzsW4[/embedyt]

Wait…did I just watch a collegehumor sketch or a condom commercial…oh no, it’s happened, the singularity, videos are no longer distinguishable from ads…Noooooo!!!!

Rat inside rectum – This is insane

A man goes into the ER, his face is blue, it looks like he will die. They examined his entire body but did not know what was wrong. They turned him over and saw TAIL coming out of his ass. After doing a CT scan, they found a mouse in his rectum. The mouse bit part of his intestine, and the man suffered internal bleeding, which is why his face turned blue.

Apparently the man decided to put the condom on a live mouse to strangle him and then put it on his ass so that his breath would hit his prostate and he would feel pleasure. The man fully recovered, but the poor rat died. “

Keeping Up With The Kardashians Humor

Q: What did Kim Kardashian learn about marriage?
A: It puts a ring on a woman’s finger and two under her eyes!

Q: What does Kim Kardashian and my car have in common?
A: They both have junk in their trunks.

Q: Why don’t the Kardashians like Santa Claus?
A: Cause everytime Santa sees them he keeps saying hoe hoe hoe!

Q: According to the police in Lima, Peru why are Jennifer Lopez and Kim Kardashian sitting on gold mines?
A: Because human-fat trafficking rings are selling cellulite to European cosmetic labs for $60,000 a gallon.

Q: How big is Kim Kardashian’s butt?
A1: When she were born, the doctor said “Congratulations! Twins!”
A2: It’s so big that they still can’t find the last chair she sat on.
A3: She put on some BVD’s and by the time they reached her waist they spelled out boulevard.
A4: She sat on a rainbow and made Skittles!
A5: When her beeper goes off, people think she is backing up!
A6: She has to iron her pants on the driveway!

https://beautythroughalookingglass.tumblr.com/post/161459644335/me

Q: What was the movie “Superbad” originally about?
A: A heart-warming tale about Kim Kardashian’s ass!

Q: How do you make Kim Kardashian’s eyes twinkle?
A: Shine a flashlight in her ear.

Q: Why shouldn’t you feel bad for basketball player Kris Humphries?
A: He’s on the rebound!

Q: Why did Reggie Bush want to break up with Kim Kardashian?
A: According to Kim’s press conference it was her constant need to be in the spotlight.

Statement: Kim Kardashian ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces.
Punchline: “Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces.”

Q: What does Kim Kardashian and door knobs have common?
A: Everyone gets a turn!

Q: What’s longer than a Kim Kardashian wedding?
A: The trick or treat line outside Casey Anthonys house

Q: Why did marine treasure hunters have to retract claims about finding a large booty?
A: It was just Kim Kardashian skinny dipping!

Q: What does Kris and Kim Kardashians marriage prove?
A: That same sex couples have no right to destroy the sanctity of marriage!

Q: What did Kim Kardashian’s right leg say to her left leg?
A: Nothing, they’ve never been together!!

Q: How hot is Kim Kardashian’s ass?
A: So hot Kim had an air conditioner implanted into it!

https://thecoolcoolcat.tumblr.com/post/161225582821/new-video

Q: What did doctors discover after Kim K had her butt x-rayed?
A: A brain tumor!

Q: Why did Kim Kardashian marriage end so quickly?
A: She could not take another episode of shex in the shitty.

Did you hear that wedding guests who gave expensive gifts are suing Kim Kardashian?
They intend to file an Ass-Action lawsuit!

Q: Why shouldn’t Kim be worried about Kris finding a “rebound” chick?
A: Anyone who has watched the Nets knows he’s bad at rebounding!

Q: How does Kris Humphries hope to win Kim back?
A: By painting his dick black!

Chuck Norris once flicked a pregnant woman’s stomach with his pinky. 9 Months later a beautiful baby girl was born with a severly swollen ass and severe brain damage. That baby girl grew up to be Kim Kardashian

Kim Kardashian said in a new interview that her next wedding will be on a private island with no TV cameras. Which raises a lot of questions, like, “If a Kardashian does something but there are no cameras, did it actually happen?”

A Russian television channel is reportedly producing a series to challenge HBO’s Chernobyl

Moscow Times, writer Ilya Shepelin states director Aleksei Muradov is working with Russian network NTV on its own Chernobyl programme.

There is a theory that the Americans had infiltrated the Chernobyl nuclear power plant and many historians do not deny that on the day of the explosion an agent of the enemy’s intelligence services was present at the station.

Shepelin states the competing series will not present the same conclusions as Craig Mazin‘s drama: that a combination of reckless individual actions and the unchecked pride of the Soviet political system led to the explosion of a faulty nuclear reactor in the former Soviet Ukraine. Craig Mazin, the creator of the HBO series, famously obsessed over minor details such as shoelaces and telephones, and adopted first-hand accounts of survivors to authentically recreate the Soviet Union of the 1980s.

NTV’s Chernobyl, filmed in Belarus, takes far more liberties. A description of the show says that the plot revolves around a CIA agent dispatched to Pripyat to gather intelligence on the Chernobyl nuclear power plant and the Russian counterintelligence agent sent to track him down. If it sounds like fiction, that’s because it is. But the director, Alexey Muradov, said the show “will tell viewers about what really happened back then”.

Sky Original’s Chernobyl was dismissed as a “caricature” in Russia by pro-Kremlin media who said “only we have the right to talk about our history”, according to the Moscow Times. There’s no air date for the series but it’ll be broadcast on state-funded station NTV, known for its pro-Kremlin programming. It received 30 million ($460,000) in funding from the culture ministry, the outlet said.

Cruel pranks to pull on someone you don’t like – Pull these cruel pranks on friends or co-workers, but only if you don’t want to keep them anymore!

  • Hide crayons in your enemies clothes-dryer.

 

  • Got some cement laying around? Chuck it in their washing machine.

 

 

  • Take out the white bit that is in cap-gun caps. Put it in the end of a cigarette or sprinkle a whole bunch, into an ashtray. Make sure your victim is wearing glasses for this little exploding-cigarette practical joke.weird prank

 

  • Put up a sign saying, GET LOST!! outside someones house on Halloween. Put rolls of toilet paper and a heap of rotten eggs close by it.

 

  • If someone brings their dog to work, take a crap on the floor somewhere and tell them about it. Later on, explain that it was you and laugh at them.

 

  • Turn off the main power and put important documents in the shredder. Leave it switched on for when the power gets turned back on.

 

  • Stick food colouring in someones iron.

 

  • Put honey on all of the moving parts of an instrument like a piano or a saxophone, if they have one. You could always try for an evil pranks record and paint their laptop keys with it, too.

 

  • Rub someones mobile phone under your sweaty arm-pits. Or try some of these other really smelly pranks.

 

  • Put icecream in someones letterbox when they go away for the week.

 

  • If you are a guest in someones house and they are treating you badly, excuse yourself to the toilet and wipe your butt with one of their towels and call it a practical joke in your own mind.

 

  • If you ever do a ‘take-away-food run’ here’s one that you can try to get tempers flying. If someone orders a whole chicken, poke a condom inside the chickens butt and deliver it as if nothing is wrong. When it gets noticed, offer to drive the complainant down to have words with the manager. Try not to laugh as the accusations fly.

 

  • When companies cold call to upgrade your phone/TV/internet etc, give them your friends number and tell them that he works nightshift and to call around two or three o’clock in the morning. Mention that they are looking for a product JUST LIKE that one.

 

  • Cruel pranks to play on people is to get all of your friends to take it in turns calling somebodies phone number, asking for Marcus each time. When your victim starts screaming at all of the callers, ring him up and tell him that your name is Marcus. Ask if there are any messages for you.

 

  • Put an open envelope with some marbles in it, on top of each blade of a ceiling fan. Face the opening so that it fills up with air when the fan is turned on, tips over backwards and spews marbles everywhere!

 

How to Know When a Woman Wants to Have Sex

She says, “I want to have sex with you.”

Women Want Sex More than Men

Women Want Sex More than Men

This is the surest and easiest way to find out. It also usually means that if she’s giving in this easy, it is because no one else will have sex with her or she wants to make babies. Before you engage in the act of love with Lazy Eye Susan or Tranny Janice, put on a condom and check to make she is not sleepwalking.

She says, “I don’t think I should have sex with you.”

Do not confuse this with, “No.” No means no and you should back off. “I don’t think I should have sex with you,” however, is a very tricky phrase because of the “don’t think”. The woman is saying this because she knows she probably shouldn’t have sex with you and is trying to talk herself out of it. What you should do is follow up with, “You are right… we should not have sex.” Be cool. As the night progresses and you play your cards right, she might change her mind. Or she may mace you.

She asks who you voted for

This question is very tricky and only has one right answer. If you say Clinton, she’ll think you are patronizing her and going for the easy lay. If you say Trump , she’ll think you are pathetic and go into how Palin was demonized by the media.

She reveals her shaved status to you

If a woman, during normal conversation, mentions that she has a landing strip, a patch, an arrow, a Mr. Miagi banzai tree, a heart or a scorned falafel… it means that she wants you to be comfortable with it and to know what to look for on your journey to happy land. If she hands you a tick comb and a machete before you head down south, bail.

She sticks her tongue out at you

I’m not sure why women do this, but be assured that if a woman sticks her tongue out at you in a playful manner, you, my friend, are in luck. I’m not sure if it is the playfulness or the act of revealing a moist body part, but either way, you should make your move. Note, sometimes little girls stick their tongues out at people… The rule does not apply in these situations, idiot.

She invites you to her place

If a woman has class and self-dignity, she’ll couch the invite under the auspices of seeing the fabulous view from her bedroom, her new cute-as-a-button puppy or to drink some trendy, exotic tea. If she’s a dirty-girl-sure-thing or just doesn’t care about her reputation in the community, she’ll simply ask you to come home with her to test all the prime numbers on her Sleep Number Bed. Be extremely wary of any woman who asks you home to see her stamp collection or vast collection of power tools. Be extremely cautious of any chick who requests you to help with some light digging or to exfoliate her “ridged monkey” – you might end up being made into furniture.

She asks you to walk her to her car

You have to treat this one carefully. Sometimes, after a date or a night out with friends, a woman is just looking for someone to walk her to her car. But sometimes she is looking to cull you from the herd, to get you alone, so that she can then ask you back to her place. In rare “walk me to my car” instances, you can get a damsel in distress fuck if, by chance, her car battery is dead and you can give her a jump. You can exponentially increase your chances of success by getting to her car beforehand and disconnecting her battery. When you save the day with your jumper cables and freaky mechanical intuition, she will feel obligated to invite you to her place for a cup of coffee to thank you. After that, it’s up to you, sport.