Tagged: Atheism

Spelling Bee Jokes and Puns

A child was competing in a spelling bee and was doing quite well, until the moderator said: “your word is ‘inward’ “….
Spelling bee contestant: “N-I-G-G…”
Moderator: “Jesus no, stop please! ”

Q: Is there a word in the English language that uses all the vowels including “y” ?
A: Unquestionablely!

Q: What is the longest word in the English language?
A: Smiles. (There is a mile between the first letter and the last letter.)

Spell ICUP

Spell pig backwards and say lemonade

Matt: are you smart?
Brad: Yes.
Matt: spell it.
Brad: s-m-a-r-t
Matt: No, i said spell “it”

Q: Why are t and m the most unused letters in the alphabet
A: MT (empty)

Q: How do you spell mousetrap?
A: C-A-T.

What ten letter word starts with g-a-s?
Automobile.

Can you spell a pretty girl with two letters?
QT

Q: “What letter of the alphabet has got lots of water?”
A: “The C”

Q: “What letter of the alphabet is always waiting in order?”
A: “The Q. (queue)

Q: What begins with T, ends with T and has T in it?
A: A teapot.

Q: When I was young there was only 25 letters in the Alphabet?
A: Nobody new why.

Q: What is heavy forward but not backward?
A: Ton.

A boy is at a spelling bee.
Judge: “Your word is ‘buffering’.”
Boy: “Let me know when it’s loaded.”
Judge: “It’s not ‘loaded’. It’s ‘buffering’.”
Boy: “No problem, just tell me when…”
Judge: “Buffering!”
Boy: “Oh, OK…”
Judge: “No, it’s actually B-U-F-F-E-R-I-N-G.”

Q: Which letters do Tuesday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday have in common?
A: None! None of them have “c”, “o”,”m” or “n” in them.

Q: How do you make seven even?
A: Remove the ‘s’

Q: Why can’t you find the letter X in Church?
A: Because it was X-communicated.

Q: What’s the difference between here and there?
A: The letter T.

Can your moms name with two letters?
EZ.

How can you spell too much with two letters?
XS

I know 25 letters in the alphabet I don’t know Y.

Q: What five-letter word becomes shorter when you add two letters to it?
A: Short

Q: What is the most important thing a witch needs to learn in school?
A: Spelling.

Q: What’s the longest word in the dictionary?
A: Rubber-band — because it streches.

Q: What is at the end of the world?
A: The letter ‘d’

Can you spell eighty in two letters?
A-T.

Best Woody Allen Jokes and Funny Puns

All men are mortal. Socrates was mortal. Therefore, all men are Socrates.

As the poet said, “Only God can make a tree” — probably because it’s
so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.

Don’t knock masturbation, it’s sex with someone I love.

Her figure described a set of parabolas that
could cause cardiac arrest in a yak.

It’s not that I’m afraid to die.
I just don’t want to be there when it happens.

Sex without love is an empty experience, but
as empty experiences go, it’s one of the best.

The lion and the calf shall lie down together but
the calf won’t get much sleep.

There are two types of people in this world, good and bad. The good
sleep better, but the bad seem to enjoy the waking hours much more.

To you I’m an atheist; to God, I’m the Loyal Opposition.

When I was in school, I cheated on my metaphysics exam.
I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.

What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists?
In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet.

Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food:
frequently there must be a beverage.