Alex Rodriguez And J.Lo Call It Quits Following Affair With Phillie Phanatic

Speculation runs rampant following a rumor that Alex Rodrigues cheated on J.Lo with The Phillie Phanatic. 

Alex himself denies these rumors despite the widespread talk of their truth.

“No, not true at all. Are you kidding me? With him? The Phillie Phanatic? First of all, I’m a former Yankee, I would never cheat on my old team like that. I also wouldn’t cheat on J.Lo like that. I don’t even like green. What, you think I watched that mascot doing all that dancing and I got turned on? You think I followed him to the locker room and started kissing him? You think I railed him in the coach’s office? Disgusting, I would never do that. No way.”

J.Lo also spoke with the press where she too denied any rumors of an affair taking place.

“You think I’m jealous of that furry green slut? Think again, I’m J.Lo! The Phillie Phanatic ain’t a bad bitch like me, I don’t care how thick he is. Sure, he can dance really well but he can’t sing or act, he can’t do anything that I can do. Alex would never sleep with that disgusting little monster. I would like to see him try and take my man, it wouldn’t end well for him. I’ll wear his skin as my costume then I’ll be the new Phillie Phanatic.”

The Phillie Phanatic was reached out to for comment but was only able to respond by doing an elaborate and exaggerated dance number.