Star Trek meets Hitchhiker’s Information to the Galaxy

star trek“Captain, Borg ship approaching! At…. at… warp 13.6!
however that is unattainable sir!” Wesley reported.

Riker pressed a button on the console and mentioned, “You had it set
for the outdated warp settings!”

“Oh. It is coming at us at warp 9.95” Wesley corrected.

“On display screen.” Picard ordered.

The Borg ship loomed nearer to the Enterprise on the display screen.
The bridge crew stared at it, and Picard ordered, “Open a hailing
channel.”

“They will not have a lot to say.” Worf commented whereas he opened the
channel.

“I do know, but it surely’s a important a part of the story.” Picard defined.

On the display screen a big, bloated inexperienced alien appeared, and struck
terror into the Enterprise’s crew with these phrases.

“I’m Prosentic Vogon Geltz of Borg. Resistance is Ineffective!
You can be asimiliated.”

Then, the Vogon added these phrases:

“However first, I wish to learn you a few of my poetry.”

Then they had been REALLY scared.

Picard ordered, “Information, what can we learn about Vogon poetry?”

Information responded, “Vogon poetry is the third worst poetry within the identified
universe, Captain. It’s used as punishment on many planets for the
criminals whose crimes are so extreme that extraordinary torture will
not suffice. The integrity of the ship is not going to final lengthy.”

Picard grimaced, after which barked out “Emergency plan Omega!”

The crew checked out him in shock. They did not know what Omega was,
however Omicron was dangerous sufficient itself, Omega needed to be REALLY nasty.

They re-assembled in Engineering. Picard mentioned “The Borg adapt
to every weapon we use. Due to this fact, they have to be destroyed in
one shot, in order that they won’t be able to adapt.”

Information requested “Sir, which weapon will you be utilizing? We’ve got a number of
designs for planet-cracker weapons, a couple of nova bombs, a pair
Genesis gadgets, and diverse subspace mines to create subspace
rifts.”

Picard cleared his throat and introduced “No, these is not going to
suffice. They’re far to innocuous and weak for our functions.
We should use THE final weapon. I feel everyone knows what that
is.”

His crew turned a shade of pale even lighter than Information,
and fell to their knees begging him to rethink.
Information merely requested to make use of varied genetic weapons. “I wish to
see what they do to actual dwelling tissue. I am unable to wait to seek out out…
I imply can’t wait…” he mentioned nervously as a his face started to
twitch with a nervous tick.

Picard steped to the cosole. “Emergency plan Omega. Authorization
Picard Omega Three.”

Riker went to the opposite console and mentioned “Riker concurrs.
Authorization Riker Omega 4.”

The pc responded with “You actually should get harder
passwords. I’m pressured to provide the following briefing
earlier than permitting entry to Omega. The unauthorized use of Omega
has lately been made an offense punishable by the dying penalty.
Press one if you happen to perceive, and settle for the dangers, or press the
pound signal.”

Riker and Picard each pressed the ‘1’ key directly. Worf and
his complete safety employees pointed phasers, phaser canons
and different weapons at Riker and Picard. Worf himself held his
batlheth at Picard’s again. “Sorry Sir. Regualtions. A part of
the Omega plan.”

Picard responded “Fairly all proper, Mr. Worf. I wrote plan
Omega myself.”

“Mr. LaForge, make it so.” Picard ordered. Geordi opened the
seals on the amin engines, and held his finger on a deadman
swap, that will blow the engines if he slipped even barely.
Had he identified what Picard was going to make use of, he would have launched
the swap instantly.

Picard opened communications himself. The Vogon/Borg mentioned
“First the poetry, then the assimilation. Resistance, is,
as all the time, Ineffective. Oh freggled gruntbuggly, thy micturations
are to me as wurdles on a lurgid be. Groop, I implore thee, they
footingturlingomes……”

The ship lurched. Information reported “The ship is not going to stand up to an
assault like this very lengthy! It is time to use Omega!… It’s,
I imply” as he tried to cowl his nervous tick.

Picard steeled himself, and took Omega out of a case of duranium
6 ft thick. Omega was a PADD. Or a minimum of on a PADD:
He braced himself, and commenced to learn: “Felis Catus, is that
not your nomenclature?….”

The primary line shook the Borg ship, the subsequent one destroyed it.

Information reported “The Borg ship went growth…. simply attempting out idioms.”

Riker sighed and mentioned “However at what price?”

Information responded “Destroying the ship, or my idioms?”

“Each, truly.” Riker mentioned thoughtfully.

Worf approached, sporting thick protecting gloves, positioned
Omega within the vault, sealed it, and mentioned to Picard, “I’ll have
to arrest you now. Sorry about that.” With that, he escorted
Picard to a cell.

“Captain’s Log: StarDate 976-ENT-D
The Enterprise is secure, though a number of of the crew truly
heard Omega, and would require years of remedy. I’m awaiting
trial on DS9. It was set for StarBase 14, however they thought it
would make a very good crossover. I think that I will likely be let off
simple. 6 months in a Cardassian torture camp. I can stay with
that. These poor Borg, who not solely needed to hear Omega, however
needed to stay with day by day Vogon poetry… A minimum of their distress is
over…..”

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