Sings You Are Not quite ready for summer

  • Summer girlsStill trying to untangle the Christmas lights from the Weedwhacker.
  • The pool boy shows up with a backhoe.
  • Putting on last year’s bathing suit requires Vaseline and a shoe horn.
  • Used all your bikini wax to polish your hardwood floors during the winter.
  • Your new batch of ads featuring a pierced Joe Camel on a surfboard are three weeks behind schedule.
  • Your belly has more rolls than Sara Lee, and besides, you’re still hungover from spring break.
  • You refuse to visit any beach not personally guarded by David Hasselhoff.
  • You’re so white, even the Boston Celtics refuse you.
  • Vacation plans include a ValueJet flight to a Club Med Zaire.
  • Recent guilty verdict on all 11 counts means you can kiss that Summer Patriot Training Camp trip goodbye.
  • Without flood relief from slow Congress, you’re still *living* in your bass boat.
  • Despite therapy, you’re still not prepared for the coming endless airplay of “Kokomo.”
  • The sun’s reflection off your phosphorescent white skin actually damaged one of Mir’s solar panels.
  • Still confusing the George Clooney Batman with the Val Kilmer Batman.

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