* During your initial consultation he tries to sell you Amway.
* He tells you that his last good case was a Budweiser.
* When the prosecutors see who your lawyer is, they high-five each other.
* He picks the jury by playing “duck-duck-goose.”
* He tells you that he’s never told a lie.
* He asks a hostile witness to “pull my finger.”
* A prison guard is shaving your head.
Attorney Season: Rules of Engagement
* Any person with a valid Texas hunting license may harvest attorneys.
* The taking of attorneys with traps or deadfalls is permitted. The use of currency as bait is prohibited.
* The killing of attorneys with a vehicle is prohibited. If accidentally struck, remove roadkill to roadside and proceed to nearest car wash.
* It is unlawful to chase, herd, or harvest attorneys from a helicopter or other aircraft.
* It shall be unlawful to shout, “whiplash,” “ambulance!” or, “Free Perrier!” for the purposes of trapping attorneys.
* It shall be unlawful to use cocaine, young boys, $100 bills, prostitutes, or vehicle accidents to attract attorneys.
* It shall be unlawful to hunt attorneys within 200 yards of whorehouses, health spas, gay bars, ambulances, or hospitals.
* If an attorney is elected to government office, there will be a $500 bounty on the pelt.
* Stuffed or mounted attorneys must have a state health department inspection for AIDS, rabies, and vermin.
* It shall be illegal for a hunter to disquise himself as a reporter, drug dealer, pimp, female law clerk, sheep, accident victim, bookie, or tax accountant for the purposes of hunting attorneys