Sarcastic One-Liners : Funniest Sarcastic Jokes

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  • If I ever need a heart transplant, I’d want my ex’s. It’s never been used.
  • Take my advice — I’m not using it.
  • I hate when I am about to hug someone really sexy and my face hits the mirror.
  • When I see ads on TV with smiling, happy housewives using a new cleaning product, the only thing I want to buy are the meds they must be on.
  • The difference between “Girlfriend” and “Girl Friend” is that little space in between we call the “Friend Zone”.
  • Farting is like the frozen song. In the public: Conceal, don’t feel… Don’t let them know. At home: Let it go, let it go… Can’t hold it back anymore.
  • People who write “u” instead of “you”. What do you do with all the time you save?
  • Facebook is telling me to ’reconnect’ with my brother…hmmm, I see him everyday 😀
  • I love my life, but it just wants to be friends…
  • I can totally keep secrets. It’s the people I tell them to who can’t.
  • Light travels faster than sound, which is why people like you appear bright—until they open their mouths.
  • If you need so much space, there’s always NASA.
  • Sarcasm is the body’s natural defense against stupidity.
  • Save a tree, eat a beaver! Hurray for Earth Day!
  • Knowledge is realizing that the street is one-way, wisdom is looking both directions anyway.
  • Everyone has the right to be stupid, but you are abusing the privilege.
  • Do you believe in love at first sight or do I have to walk by again?
  • Experience is the name so many people give to their mistakes.
  • Learn from your parents’ mistakes; use birth control.
  • Early to bed, early to rise makes people suspicious.
  • We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.
  • When your only tool is a hammer, all problems start looking like nails.
  • The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.
  • Time doesn’t exist. Clocks exist.
  • Sure, I’d love to help you out … now, which way did you come in?
  • I started with nothing, and I still have most of it.
  • Treat each day as your last; one day you will be right.
  • Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun.
  • To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
  • Yeah! I have done the research.

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