Ripping the Headlines Right now, 5/8/21

Ripping the Headlines Today, 5/8/21

Making enjoyable of the headlines as we speak, so that you don’t must

The information, together with about Oscars 2021, doesn’t must be difficult and complicated; that’s what any new launch from Microsoft is for. And, as within the case with something from Microsoft, to maintain the information from worrying our fairly little heads over, keep in mind one thing new and equally indecipherable will come out quickly:

Actually all it is advisable do is observe one easy rule: barely concentrate and leap to conclusions. So, listed here are some headlines as we speak and my first ideas:

Oscars 2021: Audiences flip away as sluggish ceremony leaves critics chilly

Phrase is Oscars 2021 will probably be listed in subsequent 12 months’s Oscar “In Memoriam.”

Justice Division has charged a Capitol rioter turned in by somebody he matched with on the Bumble relationship app, after he bragged about his exploits on January 6th

Subsequent time he ought to go on OK Silly.

Manhattan to cease prosecuting prostitution

No phrase if that features consideration whores … Asking for a Mayor and a Governor.

‘Intercourse Blimps’ & ‘Abolish Lasagna’: Senator Ernst’s ‘Liberal Fantasy Island’ show savaged on-line

Weren’t the ‘Intercourse Blimps’ the opening act for the ‘Jewish Space Lasers?’

Florida mannequin was providing drunken lap dances to strangers; Cops then stepped in

No phrase but on whether or not that was to provide or get lap dances …

Rep. Matt Gaetz anticipated to be indicted as former Florida official Joel Greenberg has turned on him

Or, because it’s identified in authorized phrases “throwing somebody underneath the varsity bus.”

Blissful 81st birthday Al Pacino

Now when he says Blissful 81st “Hoo Has” might be to eliminate some phlegm.

Kourtney Kardashian passionately kisses Travis Barker in thong bikini picture

Yeah, however, what was she carrying…?

Individuals are passing on getting their second pictures

What do they suppose the illness is? Covid 9.5?

USC broad receiver Amon-Ra St. Brown drafted by Detroit Lions

Phrase is he’ll get a four-year contract however can reduce it in half for good conduct.

NY Publish reporter resigns after ‘ordered’ to report false story about Kamala Harris

Appears just like the Publish could lastly win a Pulitzer…. in Fiction.

It’ll be Pete Davidson such as you’ve by no means seen him earlier than—as Joey Ramone

Is smart, Pete already seems to be sedated.

Mike Pence’s writer refuses to cancel memoir after employees protest

… Oh, to be a fly on somebody’s head for that assembly …

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