Over 800 redneck sayings listed by alphabet – Actual Issues Rednecks Truly Say

A buzzard shit him on a log, and the solar hatched him
A cunt hair quick
A face like a bulldog chewing a wasp
A great run is best than a foul stand
A groundhog case
A room so small you couldn’t yell at a cat with out getting a mouthful of fur
About as low down as whale shit
About as fortunate as a rabbit in a kennel stuffed with hound canines
About as a lot as a tomcat wants a wedding license
About as ineffective as a pocket in your underwear
Ahhh, he’ s juss playin’  possum
Ain’t even wore the tits off the tires
Ain’t you the one, Pearly Mae?
At all times save the final spherical to shoot the information with
An RCH off (pink cunt hair)
And he or she didn’t have sufficient garments on to wad a shotgun
And you may bury that recommendation in a Mason jar
One other wit and also you’ d be a half wit
Apples don’ t fall removed from the tree
As anxious as a one-eyed cat watch’ n two rat holes
As crooked as a barrel of fish hooks
As dumb as a coal bucket
As excited as a fag in a leap frog contest
As comfortable as a ‘ coon in a cornfield with the canines all tied
So long as Pat stayed within the military.
As noisy as a cow in a rail pile.
As fast as a duck on a June bug.
As stressed as a worm in scorching ashes
As tough as a cob
As helpful as a sidesaddle on a pig
Ask her what time it’s & she’ ll let you know how you can construct a clock
Ass is so tight you might not drive an 8 penny nail in it with a ten pound sledge hammer
Ass so candy it’ d make your eyes water
Beat you want a red-headed step youngster
Beats a poke within the eye with a pointy stick
Wager even her canine bites her when she will get dwelling
Higher than a black land farm
Higher than snuff and never close to as dusty
Large enough to combat bear with a swap
Blew up like a jackass in a tin barn
Blew up like a jackass on a 10-acre lot
Blind as a bat

Redneck Pride
Redneck Satisfaction

Blind in a single ear and may’ t see out of the opposite one
Boy, you’ d quite jack off a bobcat as mess with me
Boy, your loved ones tree has no branches
Construct a cup of espresso
Constructed like a brick shithouse
Constructed like a depot range
Busier than a cat masking crap on a marble ground
Busier than a one armed paper hanger
Busier than a one eyed man at a burlesque present
Busier than a set of jumper cables at an black mans funeral
Busy as a cat masking shit
Busy as a whore within the navy yard
Purchase you books, and all you do is learn the covers
Got here inside a gnat’ s whisker
Can’ t by no means might do nothing
Cats take cat fare
Caught between a rock and a tough place
Clear as mud
Shut the barn door
Shut the door; was you raised in a barn
Cock of the stroll
Chilly as a kraut-frog
Chilly as sauerkraut
Chilly sufficient to stay your tongue to the pump deal with
Colder than a brass rest room seat within the Yukon
Colder than a mother-in-laws kiss
Colder than a well-digger’ s ass within the Yukon
Colder than a witches tit, in a brass bra
Colder than striped snake shit
Confused as a child in a topless bar
Confused as a termite in a yo-yo
Cooler than the opposite facet of the pillow
May speak a canine off a meat wagon
Couldn’t catch a chilly if it had handles
Couldn’t fall out of a ship and hit water
Couldn’t hit the facet of the barn from the within with all of the doorways shut
Couldn’t make a plug for a canine’ s asshole with a shit for a sample
Couldn’t arrange a piss-up in a brewery
Couldn’t play the radio
Crazier than a run over canine
Crazier then a pet coon
Loopy as a shithouse rat
Crookeder as a snake crawling up a hog wire fence
Crookeder than a canine’ s hind leg
Cue the dance women
Cuter than a bug’ s ear
Dance with the one which introduced you
Darker than the within of a cow
Darker then a cats asshole
Useless as a door nail
Useless as a hammer
Useless as disco
Satan’ s beating his spouse behind the door
Did the two-twenty volt shuffle
Didn’t have sufficient sense to pour piss out of a boot if the instructions was written on the eel
Didn’t know if he ought to scratch his watch or wind his ass
Does a Rooster have lips
Does a fats child fart
Does a one-legged duck swim in circles?
Does a snake have hips
Doesn’t know child shit from butterscotch
Doing’  the inexperienced apple two-step
Don’ t blow smoke up my ass
Don’ t pee down my again and inform me it’ s raining
Don’ t let the door hit you within the ass on the best way out
Don’ t pee down my again and inform me it’ s raining
Don’ t piss on my head and inform me it’ s raining
Don’ t shit in your individual nest
Don’ t attempt to steal my blessing
Don’ t fear in regards to the mule son, simply load the wagon
Drier than a popcorn fart
Drive it within the floor and bark on the gap
Driving like he’ s in a rush to get to heaven
Drop you want a sack of filth
Drop you want a sack of potatoes
Dropped your sweet within the sand that point
Drunk as a boiled owl
Drunker than Cooter Brown’ s goat
Drunkern’  ten Indians
Drunkern’  seven {dollars}
Dumb as a bag of hammers
Dumb as a field of rocks/bag of hammers
Dumb as a fence publish
Dumber than a field of rocks
Dumber than a coal bucket
Dumber than a leaf of lettuce
Dumber than a potato, so we known as him Spud
Dumber than a sled monitor
Dumber than a marriage invitation
Simple as sliding off a greasy log backward
Eleven kittens couldn’t lick that boy clear
Empty wagons rattle
Each little drop counts, mentioned the previous woman as she pissed within the ocean
Falling off the roof
Quick as a New York minute
Quick as a sailor on a 4-hour cross
Quicker then a deacon in a whorehouse
Feed him with an extended dealt with spoon
Really feel like the bottom ground tenant in a 2 story outhouse
Fell down cup over tea kettle
Fiddle fartin’
Combating me is like combating sandpaper – I may be skinny however I’ll scratch the hell out of you
Finer than a frog hair and solely half as stiff
Finer than a frog’ s hair break up 3 ways
Finer than Burton Snuff
First rattle out of the field
Suits like a saddle on a sow
Filled with piss and vinegar
Funnier than a one legged cat attempting to bury a turd in a frozen pond
Funnier than a wagon load of monkeys
Futher Mucking Bun of a Sich
Gag a maggot off a intestine wagon
Homosexual as previous dad’ s hat band
Get thee behind me, Devil and push, push
Get your ears lowered
Getting cash out of me proper now can be like attempting to shove butter up a wildcat’ s ass with scorching poker
Gnat’s ass
Gnat’s whisker
Go crawl up a hogs ass and have a ham sandwich
Go on about your rat-killin’
Go piss up a rope
Gonna whup you want a redheaded step youngster
Adequate for the galls I run with
Received sufficient cash to burn a moist mule
Gotta lick that calf once more
Granny is so previous she was alive when the useless sea was simply sick
Inexperienced sufficient to develop
Hair like a final yr’ s fowl nest
Happier than a bus stuffed with retards pulling into the Chucky Cheese parking zone
Happier than a gopher in comfortable filth
Happier than a pet with two peters
Blissful as a child in a barrel of tits
Blissful as a coon within the corn subject with all of the canines tied
Blissful as a useless pig within the sunshine
Blissful as a gopher in comfortable filth
Blissful as a brand new born tick on a fats hound
Onerous combat with a brief stick
More durable than a woodpeckers lips
Has extra balls than Carters bought peanuts
Has extra balls than Tom’ s bought peanuts
Hasn’t bought the sense to bell a buzzard
Have a cup of espresso, it’ s already been saucered and blowed
He ain’t definitely worth the powder and fuse it could take to blow him up
He at all times been just a little touched within the head
He and God went to highschool collectively
He carries a flat rock in his pocket to fart on and save the grease
He might reduce himself with an image of a razor
He might fall down strolling’  from the home to the barn
He might promote a condom to a eunuch
He might promote fleas to a stingy canine
He might promote rice to the Chinese language
He might promote snow to an Eskimo
He might shoot the eyebrows off a gnat
He might speak the balls off a pool desk
He died as soon as however Hell wouldn’ t have him
He fell out of the ugly tree and hit each department on the best way down
He goes at it like a home a’ hearth
He bought his neck rung twice and he’ s nonetheless a flopping
He bought picked earlier than he was ripe
He had a glance on his face like a rat consuming crap off a wire brush
He had a smile that would promote used snuff
He has a deep nicely
He has a hole leg
He has bought brass balls
He hasn’ t bought sufficient sense to tote guts to a bear
He’s as trustworthy as he must be
He’s Hell on wheels
He’s operating seven methods from Sunday
He’s so crooked he eats nails and shits screws
He’s so crooked when he dies they should screw him within the floor
He’s so lazy; he wouldn’ t choose his nostril if it didn’t style so good
He’s so tight solely canines can hear him fart
He’s so tight you might shove a lump of coal up is ass and get a diamond
He kicked the bucket
He ran like a scalded dawg
He ran faster than Moody’ s goose
He ran by way of the ugly forest and hit all of the timber
He was plumb knee strolling
He was smiling like a rat consuming onions
He was so ugly they needed to tie a pork chop round his neck to get the canines to play with him
He would pores and skin a flea for the cover and tallow
He would steal the shitball from a blind tumblebug, give him a marble and put him on the unsuitable highway dwelling
He would take the quarters off a corpse’ s eyes
He would desire a new rope to be hung
He wouldn’ t say shit if he had a mouthful
He wouldn’ t say suiee if the pigs had been consuming him
He wouldn’ t work in a pie manufacturing unit
He’ s as nation as cornflakes
He’ s bought brass balls
He’ s operating seven methods from Sunday
Heavy as a useless priest
He’ d desire a new rope to be hung by
Her ass seems to be like twenty kilos of ricotta cheese in a pillowcase
Her driveway doesn’t go all the best way to the highway
Her face seems to be like an unmade mattress
Her face seems to be like thirty miles of dangerous highway
Her face would cease an eight-day clock
Her glasses are so thick when see seems to be at a map she will see folks waving
Right here he comes, hell-bent for leather-based
He’ s a number of bricks shy of a load
He’ s as nation as cornflakes
He’ s as ineffective as dried spit
He’ s as heat as most cancers
He’ s been rode exhausting and put away moist.
He’ s crookeder than a canine’ s again leg
He’ s dumb as a stump
He’ s sooner than Moody’ s goose
He’ s bought a face that would break up kindling’
He’ s bought each toes within the trough
He’ s half a bubble off plumb
He’ s helpful like a tool-belt
He’ s simply as comfortable as if he had good sense
He’ s one of many vilest maggots ever to bore holes in carrion
He’ s rougher than pig iron
He’ s shorter than a mouse gap
He’ s so black he’ d put fingerprints on charcoal
He’ s so attractive the the daybreak isn’ t secure
He’ s so poor he’ d need to borrow cash to purchase water to cry with
He’ s so quick he has to face on a field to kick a duck within the ass
He’ s so skinny he’ s bought to run round within the bathe to get moist
He’ s so skinny, if he turned sideways the caught out his tongue, he’ d appear like a zipper
He’ s so stingy, he might squeeze the copper out of a penny
He’ s so silly his dad and mom ought to have hit him within the head with a hammer and raised a pig on the milk
He’ s so tight he squeaks when he walks
He’ s so tight he would deal flies to a flying spider
He’ s so ugly. When he was a child, his mother carried him the wrong way up for a yr considering he solely had one eye
He’ s tighter than a clam’ s ass with lockjaw
He’ s harder than a pine knot
He’ s wild as a peach orchard hog
Increased than a buzzards nest
Increased than a giraffe’ s ass
Increased than a woodpeckers gap
Increased than giraffe pussy
His daddy should have additionally been his granddaddy
Hit a lick
Homely as a mud fence
Attractive as a 3 dicked billy goat
Hotter than 8 Indians in a lined wagon
Hotter than a 2 peckered Billy goat
Hotter than a festered tit in a wool bra
Hotter than a freshly fucked fox in a forest hearth
Hotter than a June bride in a featherbed
Hotter than a whores moist dream.
Hotter than hell stewed right down to a half-pint
Hotter than two rats fucking in a wool sock
Hotter than two rats fucking within the solar
Hotter than two-forty Hell / six shades of Hell
I ain’t had this a lot enjoyable for the reason that hogs ate junior
I’m going to slap you to the again facet of nowhere
I’m so hungry I’m about to fall by way of my asshole and dangle myself
I’m so hungry my stomach is rubbing a callous on my again bone
I’m so hungry my stomach thinks my throat has been reduce
I banged her like a damaged display screen door in a hurricane
I been within the canine home so many instances that once I meet one other man I don’ t know whether or not to shake his hand or sniff his tail
I can’ t lose this election except I get caught in mattress with a useless lady or a stay boy
I can’ t sing and its too moist to plow
I might chew nails, and fart tacks
I might shit by way of a display screen and never hit a wire
I didn’t know whether or not to shit or go blind so I closed one eye and farted
I didn’t let the door hit me within the ass on the best way out
I don’ t know whether or not to shit or go blind
I really feel like I used to be eaten by a wolf and shit out over a cliff
I really feel like I’ ve been shot off my horse and dragged by way of the sagebrush
I felt like a foreman at a retard home
I bought to go see a person a few horse
I bought to whiz like a racehorse
I gotta go see a person a few canine
I needed to shit within the creek to maintain from setting the woods on hearth
I haven’ t seen him since Hector was a pup
I simply requested you what time it was, not how a watch works
I like children, however I couldn’t eat a complete one
I appear like Annie off the pickle boat
I promised my coronary heart to 1 lady, and Grandma’ s useless so that you’ re outta luck
I need it so quiet in right here I can hear a rat pissing on cotton
I’ll if it harelips hell
I might drag my naked balls over forty miles of floor glass simply to finger fuck her shadow
I might’ t communicate to him if I met him in hell carrying a lump of ice in his hand
I wouldn’ t fuck her with a borrowed dick
I wouldn’ t get in that automobile with no tetanus shot first
I wouldn’ t piss in his ass if his guts was on hearth
I’ d eat a mile of her shit simply to get to kiss her ass
I’ d eat a mile of her shit simply to see the place it got here from
I’ d need to get higher simply to die
I’ d quite be beat with a sack of moist catfish
I’ d quite have his/her nostril stuffed with nickels than all of the ten greenback payments I might carry
I’ d stroll by way of hell in gasoline underwear for you
If a frog had wings he wouldn’ t bump his ass when he hops
If brains was leather-based you couldn’t saddle a flea.
If brains had been dynamite you wouldnt have enuff to blow your nostril
If brains had been lard, he couldn’t grease up a skillet
If he fell into an outhouse he’ d come up smelling like a rose
If I had a canine that regarded such as you, I’ d shave his ass and make him stroll backward
If I’ d ordered a dozen sonzabitches they usually despatched me solely him, I wouldn’ t really feel shortchanged
If ifs and buts had been sweet and nuts, it could be Christmas every single day of the yr
If I’ m lyin’ , I’ m dying
If my aunt had balls she’ d be my uncle
If she was any dumber, we’ d need to water her
If that ain’t proper then grits ain’t groceries
If that don’ t gentle your hearth, your wooden is moist
If that child don’ t depart dwelling I’ m going to interrupt his plate
If issues get any higher, I could have to rent somebody to assist me get pleasure from it
If issues get any higher, I could have to rent somebody to assist me get pleasure from it
If needs had been horses we’ d ALL take a experience
When you ain’t the lead canine the surroundings by no means modifications
When you can’ t hunt with the large canines keep on the porch
When you had a mind you’ d be harmful
When you had half a mind, your head can be tilted
When you play with a pup lengthy sufficient, it is going to lick your mouth
When you taped his mouth shut, he’ d fart himself to demise
When you informed her to haul butt, she must make two journeys
When you had been on hearth I wouldn’ t piss on you to place out
When you’ re going to be a turd go lay within the yard
I’ ll be throughout you want an affordable swimsuit
I’ ll be on you want a hobo on a ham sandwich
I’ ll be on you want a swarm of bees
I’ ll be there in two shakes of a useless sheeps tail
I’ ll wager she might suck the water out of an previous pump
I’ ll wager these legs go all the best way to
heaven
I’ ll hit you so exhausting once you get up your garments shall be out of favor
I’ ll hit you so exhausting you’ ll cough up bones
I’ ll hit you so exhausting your youngsters shall be born dizzy
I’ ll put a knot in your head a calf might suck
I’ ll slap the style out of your mouth
I’ ll slap you bald-headed
I’ ll slap you bare and conceal your garments
I’ ll slap you so exhausting, once you get up, your garments shall be outta fashion
I’ ll slap your enamel unfastened
I’ ll thanks till you get higher pay
I’ m as busy as a farmer with one hoe and two rattlesnakes
I’ m as comfortable as a possum up a gum stump
I’ m as mad as spit on a griddle
I’ m going to beat you want a rented mule!
I’ m going to jerk a knot in your tail
I’ m going to kick you six methods from Sunday
I’ m going to make a river
I’ m going to stomp a mud gap in your ass and stroll it dry
I’ m unsure I perceive all I learn about it
I’ m off like a promenade costume
I’ m on it like an Ethiopian on a cheeseburger
I’ m so comfortable I might kiss a homosexual man
I’ m sober as a choose
In a New York minute
Is a frog’ s ass watertight
Is that the identical mouth you kiss your ma with
Isn’ t that the cat’ s ass
It ain’t no enjoyable when the rabbits bought the gun
It might knock a buzzard off a shit wagon
It rained a lot that the river bought so excessive you might see underneath it
It tastes like an angel peeing on my tongue
It was so scorching as soon as that I used to be plowing the corn and it began to popping; the mule noticed it, thought it was snow and laid down and froze to demise
It’ s been hotter’ n a goat’ s butt in a pepper patch
It’ s come-to-Jesus time
It’ s darker than previous Coalies ass in right here
It’ s so dry, the timber are bribing the canines
It’ ll be a whore home earlier than it’s a church
It’ ll final about so long as Pat was within the Military
It’ s as scorching as a whore home on greenback day
It’ s as scorching as your mother final night time
It’ s as plain as a pig on a settee
It’ s again of past
It’ s been hotter’ n a goat’ s butt in a pepper patch
It’ s hotter than 400 hells
It’ s like a singed cat, it tastes higher than it seems to be
It’ s like the lady with a nosebleed, if it ain’t one rattling factor it’ s one other
It’ s like attempting to push a moist rope up a hill
It’ s snowin’  down south
It’ s so chilly the legal professionals have their palms in their very own pockets
It’ s so dry, the timber are bribing the canines
It’ s so dry, the timber are bribing the canines
It’ s so good it’ ll make you slap your granny
It’ s so humid you might beat the water out of the air with a ship paddle
Similar to squirrels, the woods is filled with them
Similar to tryin’  to push a rope
Maintain it underneath your hat
Conserving their toes to the fireplace
King Shit of Turtle Island
Knee excessive to a gnat
Knock the horns off, wipe its ass, and drag it in
Final night time it snowed so deep, we needed to shit within the shotgun and shoot it up the chimney
Left like final yr’ s newspapers
Let’ s get right down to the place the rubber meets the highway
Let’ s ship it up the flagpole and see who salutes
Like a blind man in a darkish room searching for a black cat
Like a booger which you can’ t flick off
Like a duck on a June bug
Like a fish on a bicycle
Like a hubcap within the quick lane
Like a unfastened mule within the corn patch
Like socks on a rooster
Like throwing a match in a gasoline tank
Like attempting to herd cats
Like attempting to poke a cat out from underneath the porch with a rope
Like attempting to stack BB’ s with boxing gloves on
Like white on rice
Residing in tall cotton
Look what the cat dragged in and the kittens wouldn’ t have
Appears to be like like two pigs in a poke
Appears to be like like two possums in a gunny sack
Loudmouth fucker discovered to whisper in a sawmill
Decrease than a snake’ s stomach in a wagon rut
Decrease than snail shit
Decrease then snake pussy
Lyin’  like a canine a-trottin
Mad as hearth
Mad sufficient to eat barbed wire and spit nails
Madder than a moist hen
Make like a tree and depart
Make like horse shit and hit the path
Makes me so mad I might pull up inexperienced corn and stomp little chickens
Meaner than hen shit
Tousled as a soccer bat
Cash burns a gap in his pocket
Extra room on the surface than there may be on the within
Multiple solution to pores and skin a cat
Mosquitoes sufficiently big to face flat footed and screw a turkey
My stomach’ s so tight a tick would slide off
My cow died final night time so I don’ t want your bull
My canines are barking
My enamel are floating
My, my mentioned the previous blind man’ and he picked up a hammer and noticed
Nervous as an extended tailed cat in room stuffed with rocking chairs
Nervous as a tick on dip day
Nervous as a whore in church
By no means felt higher and had much less
By no means attempt to train a pig to sing, it wastes your time and annoys the pig
Ninjas at all times combat collectively
Noisier than two skeletons fucking on a tin roof
Not on this lifetime
Not a lot hand for work like killing rattlesnakes
Not the brightest crayon within the field
Not the sharpest device within the shed/the brightest crayon within the field
Not value a tinker’ s dam
Now ain’t that sufficient to piss off the pope?
Now let’ s not fly off the deal with.
Now that’ ll throw your hat within the creek
Now you’ re diggin’  the place there’ s taters
Nuttier then a squirrel turd
On him like flies on shit
Yet another time and I’ ll ship you up the highway kicking rocks
One factor for sure and two issues for positive
Solely distinction between a lady and a vulture is {that a} vulture circles not less than as soon as earlier than it chews your ass out
Individuals in hell need ice water too
Pissing within the wind
Pon my honor
Poor as Job’ s turkey
Sensible as a display screen door on a submarine
Purtyer than a brand new set of snow tires
Put that in your pipe and smoke it
Queer as a 3 dollar bill
Fast as a cat on a scorching tin roof
Faster’ n a cat tryin’ to cowl up shit on a marble slab
Quiet as a one-handed clap
Quiet as a spider pissing on a blotter
Stop milking it youngsters, it’ s a steer
Raining like a cow pissing on a flat rock
Raining like a two cuntted cow pissing on a flat rock
Ran like a scalded canine
Rocky mountain barking spiders
Rode exhausting and put away moist
Room on your ass and a gallon of fuel
Rougher than twenty mile of dangerous highway
Working like their toes was on hearth and their asses was catching
Save the remaining to grease your cock ‘ case a pig comes by you wish to screw
Scarce as hen’ s enamel
Scattered from hell to breakfast
Seen extra meat on a hockey stick
Severe as a coronary heart assault
Shaking palms with an previous pal
Shaking like a canine passing razorblades
Shaking like a canine shitting peach pits
Shaking some dew off the lily
Sharp as a bag of moist mice
Sharp sufficient to stay within the floor
Sharper than an previous maid’ s tongue
She will’ t assist being ugly however she might have stayed dwelling
She might fuck up a one-car funeral
She might suck a bowling ball by way of a cocktail straw
She might suck a golf-ball by way of fifty foot of garden-hose
She didn’t have sufficient garments on to wad a shotgun
She provides me a tough on {that a} cat couldn’t scratch
She has not solid a shadow in these components in a honyonk’ s age
She has spherical heels
She is so unfastened even Gus Doorman might rating along with her
She is so unfastened it’s like throwing a hotdog down a hallway
She is so unfastened she makes Houston appear like a virgin
She is so ugly I wouldn’t fuck her with a borrowed dick
She seems to be finer than a brand new set of snow tires
She seems to be like demise consuming a cracker
She sucks cock cleaner than a platoon on latrine responsibility
She positive drove her geese to a foul market
She thinks her shit don’ t stink
She was only a moonshiner’ s daughter however the boys cherished her nonetheless.
She would run into the ladder after you set it up within the shed
She wouldn’t know me from Adam’ s off ox
She’ s so caught up, she’ d drown in a rainstorm
She’ ll drop her drawers for a mop-handle in case you depart it at a forty-five diploma angle
She’ s constructed like a brick shithouse
She’ s finer than frog hair
She’ s bought a face like a blind cobbler’ s thumb
She’ s bought a face that would scare the pores and skin off a snake
She’ s bought extra chins than a Chinese language telephone ebook
She’ s bought extra cousins than Carter’ s bought little capsules
She’ s bought two brains – one’ s lacking and the opposite’ s out searching for it
She’ s attractive as a highway crew gal straddling an orange cone
She’ s limber as a dishrag
She’ s meaner than Moody’ s goose
She’ s so fats it takes two canines to bark at her
She’ s so attractive once you’ re fingering her it appears like a horse consuming an apple
She’ s so skinny fucking her can be like fucking a bag stuffed with elbows and antlers
She’ s so caught up, she’ d drown in a rainstorm
She’ s so ugly, she might scare the maggots off a intestine wagon
She’ s so ugly, when she was a child, her momma needed to feed her with a slingshot
She’ s harder than woodpecker lips
Shining like a diamond in a goats ass
Shit hearth and name the Captain
Shit hearth and fuck a fats lady on a useless run
Shit hearth and save your matches
Shit from apple butter
Shit from Shinola
Six in a single hand, half a-dozen within the different
Slap’ n’ tickle
Sliced so skinny it has just one facet
Slick as a jar stuffed with eels
Slick as deer guts on a doorknob
Slick as grass by way of a goose
Slick as greased owl shit
Slick as pig snot
Slick sufficient to slip on barb wire
Slicker than buttered cats shit in a skillet
Slicker than deer guts on a door knob
Slicker than Owl shit
Slicker than snot on a bald mans head
Slicker than snot on a door knob
Slicker than snot on a glass eye
Slippery as a toad on ice
So bowlegged he might hem a hog up in a ditch
So buck toothed he might eat corn-on-the-cob by way of a key gap
So chilly I noticed canines caught to the sidewalk
So drunk he couldn’t discover his ass with each palms and a freeway map
Thus far up the holler, they need to pipe the daylight in
So fats he’ d need to ship out a search celebration to search out his dick
So fats it takes two canines to bark at her
So high-quality I’ d crawl over a mile of damaged glass simply to listen to her fart over the phone
So good it could make a rabbit spit in a bulldog’ s eye
So good it’ ll make your tongue slap your brains out
So exhausting a cat can’ t scratch it
So hungry I might eat a bowl of lard with a hair in it
So hungry I might eat a cat turd fried in snot
So hungry I might eat a horse and chase the rider
So hungry that I might eat the south finish of a north sure skunk
So nervous he couldn’t discover his ass with each palms and a highway map
So poor if it took a nickel to get world wide I couldn’t get out of sight
So poor they’ d pores and skin a flea for its cover and tallow
So poor we went to Kentucky Fried Rooster to lick different folks’ s fingers
So quick he might sit on the ground and dangle his toes
So quick he’ d play handball off the curb
So skinny he can stand underneath a garments line in a rainstorm and by no means get moist
So skinny they needed to flip round twice to throw a shadow
So cussed she’ d argue with a cease signal
So skinny he has to face twice in the identical place simply to make a great shadow
So skinny, if she turned sideways holding a glass of tomato juice, she’ d appear like a thermometer
So tight you stick a bit o coal up his ass and he’ d shit a diamond
So ugly seems to be prefer it’ s been chasing farts by way of a bag of nails
So ugly she might cook dinner bare at deer camp and no person would discover
One thing right here is half bubble off plumb.
Appears like a breedin’  jackass in a tin barn
Appears like pigs consuming their younger
Appears like anyone beating a child with a cat
Bitter as a lemon gargle
Squeeze a nickel ‘ til the buffalo shits
Keep for dinner have one thing to eat, keep every week in case you don’ t eat no meat
Sew in time saves 9
Strike whereas the iron is scorching
Caught out like a turd in a punch bowl
Sucking on hind tit
Sunday go-to-meeting garments
Sweating like a $2.00 whore in church
Swelled up like a honeymoon pecker
Tasted like shit good factor I didn’t step in it
Tastes so good it’ ll make you combat your grandma
Tastes so good it’ ll make your tapeworm arise and bark
That boy’ s a few half bubble off plumb
That boy’ s as sensible as new paint
That boy’ s fast sufficient to show round and kick himself within the ass
That deer is useless as a doornail
That canine received’ t hunt
That feller is a shit salesman with a mouthful of samples
That lady might suck the chrome off a trailer hitch
That lady seems to be like she might eat an apple by way of a picket fence
That lady seems to be like she might eat corn on the cob by way of a picket fence
That lady’ s a six or seven. Six or seven kicks to the face wouldn’ t harm
That gravy Mom fastened for breakfast was so skinny, I needed to put facet rails on the biscuits
That home is so small you couldn’t change your thoughts in it
That appears like rat-shit rollin’  off a rocky mountain
That makes as a lot sense as horns on a mule.
That ol’  boy is hard as leather-based
That measurement don’ t come no greater
That thar is correct as rain
That went over like a fart in church
That might be like attempting to shove butter up a wildcat’ s ass with a scorching poker
That might make a rabbit hug a hound
That’ s a fart in a windstorm
That’ ll go over like a fart in a spacesuit
That’ ll make a tadpole slap a whale
That’ ll make you sick as a pile of useless infants
That’ ll make your hair curly
That’ s a brand new wrinkle on my previous horn
That’ s a younger shirt/outfit/and many others
That’ s gal’ s hotter than a two greenback pistol
That’ s gonna itch when it dries
That’ s gooder’ n grits
That’ s simply an R C H off (Purple Cunt Hair)
That’ s older than grandma and she or he farts mud
That’ s so good it could make a pet pull a freight prepare
That’ s the great distance ‘ spherical Kelly’ s barn
That’ s UFB. Un fucking plausible.
That’ s when the lightening hit the merry-go-round
That’ s your ass speaking ‘ trigger your mouth is aware of higher
One of the best a part of you ran down your mama’ s leg
The boy must get smarter’  simply to be silly
The satan to pay and no pitch scorching
The Satan’ s getting married (i.e., the solar is shining and it’ s raining on the identical time.)
The fruit by no means falls removed from the tree
The child can tear up an anvil with a rubber hammer
The Lord’ s prepared and the creek don’ t rise
The person you’ re rolling these capsules for is useless
The extra you stir a turd the more severe it stinks
Probably the most do-less man I ever seen
The preachers children are at all times the meanest
The rooster crows, however the hen lays the egg
The rungs on his ladder don’ t go all the best way to the highest
The solar don’ t shine on the identical canines butt on a regular basis
There’s extra means than one to choke a hound
There could also be snow on the roof, however there may be nonetheless hearth within the furnace
There’ s extra hams on a hog than you assume there are
There’ s no jar doesn’t have a lid someplace
They couldn’t hit a bull within the ass with a bass fiddle
They haven’ t bought a pot to piss in or a window to throw it out of
They stay up the holler far as you may stick a knife
They’ re no higher than they need to be
They’ re driving’  me more durable than a rented mule
That is gooder’ n grits
This knife so boring twuldn’ t reduce scorching butter
This’ ll jar your preserves
These 2 are as little as a snakes stomach in a wagon wheel rut.
These legs go all the best way up and make an ass of themselves
Three bagger, one for you, one for her, and one for the canine so he’ ll respect you within the morning
Throw some glass in that pneumonia gap
Tight as a geese butt
Tight as a nuns cunt, so fucking tight it whistles when it pees
Tight as a tick
Tighter than a bull’ s ass in fly time
Tighter than a dick’ s hat band
Tighter than a tick with lock jaw
Tighter than final years swim swimsuit
Until Hell received’ t have it
Too lazy to hit a lick at a snake
An excessive amount of sweet for the penny
Robust as a Wang
More durable than a one eared alley cat
More durable than a pine knot
Two sticks of wooden don’ t make a fireplace
uglier than 1000 toads on a mud fence
Uglier than a home made child
Uglier than a sack of smashed assholes
Uglier than three kilos of shit in a two-pound sack
Ugly as a hat stuffed with assholes
Ugly as a mud lined fence with a crow on every finish
Ugly as home made sin
Ugly sufficient to make a freight prepare take a dust highway
Uncomfortable as a whore in church
Up a creek with no paddle
Uppity as shit on a stick
Ineffective as a one leg man at a butt kicking contest
Wait broke the bridge
Get up and odor the espresso
Wandering round
Effectively bless my Annie’ s ankle
Effectively bust my britches
Effectively butter my butt and name me a biscuit
Effectively I’ ll be dipped in shit
Effectively it’ s higher than a poke within the eye with a pointy stick
Effectively it’ s what the cat mentioned after it bought its tail run over with a rocking chair received’t be lengthy now
Effectively knock me down and steal muh tooth
Effectively pon my honor
Effectively nicely, nicely’ three holes within the floor
Effectively, butter my butt and name me a biscuit!
Went to the outhouse to do his enterprise and the hogs ate him
What crawled up within you and died?
What crawled up your ass and died?
What I’ d prefer to know is who pulled your chain
What’ s unsuitable? You appear like you simply kissed the unsuitable finish of a child
When all is alleged and accomplished, its the politicians who say it and the taxpayers who pay and do it
When God mentioned let there be gentle, he hit the swap
When that gal walks, her hips appear like two bobcats in a sack
Once you lie down with canines, you’re going to get fleas
Once you’ re as much as your ass in alligators, it’ s exhausting to keep in mind that you got here to empty the swamp
Once you’ve bought a hammer, all the things’ s a nail
Who died?
Who peed in your Cheerios?
Why don’ t you go fry your self a snowball.
Why is there extra horses asses than horses
Wider than a double large
Wipe your nostril and pull up your socks
Want in a single hand, shit within the different and see which will get crammed up faster
Gained’ t pull a greasy string out of a cat’ s ass
Nugatory as a cunt stuffed with cold piss
Nugatory as tits on a boar
Nugatory as tit’ s on a fish
Would you not meet a person within the center
Wouldn’t hit a lick at at snake with a stick
Wound up tighter’ n a two-dollar watch
Ya’ ll are a bunch of Sally’ s
Yeah, and if a frog had wings it wouldn’t bump it’s ass on the bottom
Yeah, if a frog had a pocket do you assume he would carry a pistol
Yesterday known as, it needs its data again
You higher measure twice and reduce as soon as
You may bury that recommendation in a Mason jar
You may get glad in the identical pants you bought mad in, and if not, you may go change them
You may take that & put it again within the horse
You may’ t get there from right here
You may’ t contact pitch and determine to not get soiled
You couldn’t hit sand in case you fell off a camel
You can’ t whip half my ass if the opposite facet was serving to’  you
You couldn’t yell at a cat with out getting a mouthful of fur
You don’ t have an STD till your recognized
You haven’ t bought the ambition God gave an earthworm
You simply received your self a five-gallon pail of whoop-ass
You left the barn door open
You appear like death-warmed-over
You appear like refried shit
You appear like you been drawn by way of a knot-hole backwards
You have to have had an oral enema this morning, you’ve been speaking shit all day
It’s good to rely your fingers after shaking palms with him
You set the large pot within the toddler
You sound like a hog in a coal pile
You’re a day late and a greenback quick
You’re gonna shove a bee up his ass
You’re pissing within the ocean
You’d by no means see that from a galloping horse
You’d quite sandpaper a bobcats ass in a telephone sales space than mess with me
Your cooking is so dangerous that the canine licked its butt to get the style out of it’ s mouth
You’re a virgin till you’ve filmed it
You’re as awkward/swish as a 3 legged duck
You’re as goofy as purple shit
You’ re as swish as a 3 legged duck
You’ re as fast as grandma operating backwards
You’ re as fast as yesterday
You’ re as weak as seven days
You’ re driving your geese towards a mighty poor pond
You’ re so sharp we are able to stick you within the floor and so inexperienced you’ll develop
You’ re candy as a pickled peach
You’ve bought a thoughts like a cutworm
You’ve gotten sufficient miles outta that highway
You’ve rode that wagon until the wheels have fallen off

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