Norm Sciatica, Inventor of Breast-Sharpener, Lifeless at 86

My Dream Date With Queen Amina of Zazzau

WAKEFIELD, Mass.  Norman “Norm” Sciatica, inventor of a feminine breast-sharpening implement that revolutionized girls’s vogue within the Nineteen Fifties, died yesterday on the age of 86, in keeping with a spokesman on the Golden Pastures Assisted Dwelling Facility right here.

Eydie Gorme:  All proper already–you’ve made your level.


“Norm was an enormous within the basis undergarment trade,” in keeping with his one-time accomplice Mel Greenberg, with whom he based Dainty-Dot Bras.  “He had the imaginative and prescient to see that servicemen coming back from the Korean Conflict would be interested in girls whose breasts resembled the nuclear warheads they’d spent a lot time dealing with so fastidiously.”

“They’re like vegetation–they’re interested in the solar.”


Greenberg dissolved their partnership, unconvinced that males would heat to “gals” who resembled intercontinental ballistic missiles.  “I like my girls a bit of zaftig if you realize what I imply,” he says with a lump in his throat as he gazes wistfully at a fading {photograph} of the 2 males in entrance of their first plant.  “Norm mentioned a brand new day had dawned, males had been now not afraid of impaling themselves on sharp objects beneath the sweaters of the ladies they met within the office.”

Rocket-based mannequin.


Sciatica practically went bankrupt when his first prototype failed in “alpha” checks as a result of a design flaw.   “He was a pleasant man, however he set the lathe pace up a bit of too excessive,” says Anna Delormino, a neighborhood lady who served as the primary “guinea pig” at Sciatica’s “skunk works” in a dilapidated warehouse in East Boston’s “citation marks” district.  “Fortunately he had it rigged up with a ‘kill’ change, in any other case I’d be carrying my boobs in my pedal pusher pockets.”


After Sciatica made changes, his meeting line started churning out what he dubbed the Good Cone Breast Sharpener, and mass manufacturing meant the fruits of his labors may very well be loved by girls with reasonable incomes.  “Within the Center Ages solely royalty might afford the ‘hennin‘,” a conical hat that was typically used surreptitiously to sharpen a girl’s breasts, Sciatica would observe proudly.  “I introduced pointy boobs inside attain of each American housewife and dealing woman.”

Hennin:  As Casey Stengel used to say, you could possibly look it up.

A memorial service will probably be held this Friday to rejoice Sciatica’s life and work.  In lieu of flowers, the household requests that contributions be made to the Institute for Mammary Research at Seekonk Junior Faculty.

Accessible in Kindle format on as a part of the gathering “Fauxbituaries.”

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