My Life on Planet Earth: ALF’s Secret Diary

ALF House Log Entry

684.1 2:45 P.M.

Los Angeles, Cal.

Earth Expensive House Log, As I make yet one more entry in my journal, I look again by means of the mustard and gravy stains of my previous entries and sincerely hope that these chronicles usually are not written in useless. It’s my want sometime that they will fall into the fitting fingers and I am going to get an enormous advance for the publishing and film rights. Arduous to imagine that it has been greater than two years since my spaceship landed on Earth. Though, technically, it wasn’t actually a touchdown.

Landings are made proper facet up at lower than Mach 2, and with out tooth flying across the cabin. So let’s name it a “managed crash” that simply occurred to demolish all the things in it is path. Which jogs my memory, I nonetheless have not heard from Mutual of Melmac about my insurance coverage declare. I assume my insurance coverage agent’s been fairly busy because the planet blew up. I can perceive that, however mass devastation is not any excuse for poor service. N

ever do enterprise together with your brother-in-law. Not that I had a selection or something, however I take into account myself fairly fortunate having ended up on Earth. I may have accomplished worse. I may have ended up on Weinberger, a pitless planet inhabited by mimes. It is pathetic to look at a whole inhabitants faux to be trapped inside a glass field. Anyway, Earth was a fairly fortunate break. At first I believed one of the best factor about it was that it was in a single piece, however as soon as I received used to all of the foolish guidelines it was OK. It is wonderful what number of issues are precisely the oposite on Melmac. Like, do you bear in mind my previous pal Lippity Lepiner from the Cat-Snackers Membership who was carted off to jail as a result of he did not finish a sentence with a preposition?

Effectively, he would possibly nonetheless be within the slammer if he lived right here, however for cat-snacking, not illiteracy. Go determine. Oh, and talking of cats, dig this. You understand how I hoped to land within the Persian Gulf, ‘trigger that is the place I believed cats had been from? Not true… they’re all over the place, even right here in California. That is the place I ended up, California, and that was fairly fortunate too, as a result of you know the way I all the time needed to be in present enterprise? I am in it. I’ve even received my very own tv present. Me and Geraldo, who would have figured? I am going to admit at first I used to be slightly reluctant to get into TV. Particularly after I noticed what it did for Bruce Jenner’s Profession. I wanted a job and the provides weren’t precisely pouring in. It was a selection between starring in a sitcom or being Willard Scott’s stunt toupee.

The gamble paid off. Right here I’m, two years later with a success tv present, my very own condo, and a lady named Ramona who is available in twice per week to vacume me. I can not complain. I additionally made a number of new associates right here, and most significantly, I’ve received followers. Followers who care about me. Followers who ship me scratch-and-sniff photographs of their pets. I actually admire the eye and the kindness, and I really imagine that Earthlings are principally good. Certain, there are a number of dangerous apples within the upholstery enterprise, however that is a given. So far as my future goes, who is aware of? I might prefer to possibly be remembered as an envoy from one other planet who introduced good will and ideas. Perhaps even a chuckle or two. If there’s one factor I’ve discovered about Earthlings, It is that they take themselves too severely.

I am making an attempt my finest to set an instance by dwelling as much as the previous Melmacian proverb: “Eat, drink and loosen up, for tomorrow you would possibly get audited.” I might prefer to see this planet take that recommendation. Earth is a superb place. Everybody right here ought to know that. Perhaps in the event that they did, they’d take higher care of it. I discovered that lesson the exhausting means. You’ll be able to actually miss your planet as soon as it is gone. Until subsequent time…. ALF

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