Lame and stupid jokes

A termite walks into a bar room and asks, “Is the bar tender here?”

Two peanuts were walking down a spooky road at night… One was assaulted.

“Waiter! This coffee tastes like mud.”

“Yes sir, it’s fresh ground.”

What’s brown and sticky? A stick.

Why are proctologists so gloomy?

They always have the end in sight.

What do you call a sleepwalking nun?

Roamin’ Catholic.

What did the apple say to the orange?

Nothing stupid, apples don’t talk.

What do you do with a dog that has no legs?

Take him out for a drag.

Why can’t a chicken coop have more than 2 doors?

Because if it had 4 doors it would be a chicken sedan.

Famous last words of a mafia hitman: “Who put the violin in the violin case?”

How does it change many dyslexics to take a lightbulb?

What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the car?

Robin, get in the car.

What’s brown and sounds like a bell? Dung.

  Woman of his dreams

What do you call a guy who never farts in public?

A private tutor.

What do you call spending the afternoon with a cranky rabbit?

A bad hare day.

Have you ever seen an elephant hiding behind a flower?

That’s because he hides well.

What was the centerpiece of the annual Anorexia and Bulimnia sufferers convention?

A cake jumping out of a girl.

Where do kings keep their armies?

In their sleevies.

Why don’t anteaters get sick?

Because they’re full of anty-bodies.