1. Put on a hood with one eyehole. Periodically make unusual gurgling noises.
2. After confirming everybody’s names on the roll, thank the category for attending “Superior Astrodynamics 690” and point out that yesterday was the final day to drop.
3. After turning on the overhead projector, clutch your chest and scream “MY PACEMAKER!”
4. Put on a pointed Kaiser helmet and a monocle and carry a using crop.
5. Progressively communicate softer and softer after which abruptly level to a scholar and scream “YOU! WHAT DID I JUST SAY?”
6. Ship your lecture by means of a hand puppet. If a scholar asks you a query straight, say in a high-pitched voice, “The Professor cannot hear you, you will should ask *me*, Winky Willy”.
7. If somebody asks a query, stroll silently over to their seat, hand them your piece of chalk, and ask, “Would YOU like to offer the lecture, Mr. Smartypants?”
8. Pick random college students, ask them questions, and time their responses with a cease watch. Document their instances in your grade e-book whereas muttering “tsk, tsk”.
9. Ask college students to name you “Tinkerbell” or “Surfin’ Chicken”.
10. Cease in mid-lecture, frown for a second, after which ask the category whether or not your butt appears to be like fats.
11. Play “Kumbaya” on the banjo.
12. Present a video on medieval torture implements to your calculus class. Giggle all through it.
13. Announce “you will want this”, and write the suicide prevention hotline quantity on the board.
14. Put on mirrored sun shades and communicate solely in Turkish. Ignore all questions.
15. Begin the lecture by dancing and lip-syncing to James Brown’s “Intercourse Machine.”
16. Ask occassional questions, however mutter “as in the event you gibbering simps would know” and transfer on earlier than anybody can reply.
17. Ask the category to learn Jenkins by means of Johnson of the native cellphone e-book by the following lecture. Vaguely indicate that there shall be a quiz.
18. Have one in all your graduate college students sprinkle flower petals forward of you as you tempo backwards and forwards.
19. Deal with college students as “worm”.
20. Announce to college students that their complete grades shall be based mostly on a single-question oral closing examination. Suggest that this might occur at any second.
21. Flip off the lights, play a tape of crickets chirping, and start singing spirituals.
22. Ask for a volunteer for an indication. Ask them to fill out a waiver as you placed on a lead apron and light-weight a blowtorch.
23. Level the overhead projector on the class. Demand every scholar’s title, rank, and serial quantity.
24. Start class by smashing the neck off a bottle of vodka, and announce that the lecture’s over when the bottle’s finished.
25. Have a band ready within the nook of the room. When anybody asks a query, have the band begin taking part in and sing an Elvis tune.
26. Every now and then, freeze in mid sentence and stare off into house for a number of minutes. After a protracted, awkward silence, resume your sentence and proceed usually.
27. Put on a “digital actuality” helmet and unusual gloves. When somebody asks a query, flip of their path and make throttling motions together with your arms.
28. Point out in passing that you simply’re carrying rubber underwear.
29. Growl continuously and handle college students as “matey”.
30. Commit your math lecture to free verse about your favourite numbers and ask college students to “sit again and groove”.
31. Announce that final 12 months’s college students have nearly completed their class initiatives.
32. Inform your English class that they should know Fortran and code all their essays. Ship a lecture on output format statements.
33. Convey a small canine to class. Inform the category he is named “Boogers McGee” and is your “mascot”. Every time somebody asks a query, stroll over to the canine and ask it, “What’ll be, McGee?”
34. Put on a feather boa and ask college students to name you “Snuggles”.
35. Inform your math college students that they need to do all their work in a base 11 quantity system. Use a sophisticated image you’ve got named after your self instead of the number10 and threaten to fail college students who do not use it.
36. Declare to be a rooster. Squat, cluck, and produce eggs at irregular intervals.
37. Convey a CPR dummy to class and announce that it is going to be the educating assistant for the semester. Assign it an workplace and workplace hours.
38. Have a grad scholar in a black beret pluck at a bass when you lecture.
39. Dash from the room in a panic in the event you hear sirens exterior.
40. Give a gap monologue. Take two minute “industrial breaks” each ten minutes.
41. Inform college students that you’re going to fail them in the event that they cheat on exams or “fake the funk”.
42. Announce that you must ship two lectures that day, and ship them in rapid-fire auctioneer type.
43. Go out dental floss to college students and dedicate the lecture to oral hygiene.
44. Announce that the complete 32-volume Encyclopedia Britannica shall be required studying in your class. Assign a report on Quantity 1, Aardvark by means of Armenia, for subsequent class.
45. Ask college students to listing their favourite showtunes on a signup sheet. Criticize their selections and make notes in your grade e-book.
46. Sneeze on college students within the entrance row and wipe your nostril in your tie.
47. Warn college students that they need to convey a sack lunch to exams.
48. Refer often to college students who died whereas taking your class.
49. Present as much as lecture in a ventilated clear swimsuit. Advise college students to maintain their distance for their very own security and mutter one thing about “that bug I picked up within the subject”.
50. Jog into class, rip the textbook in half, and scream, “Are you pumped? ARE YOU PUMPED? I CAN’T HEEEEEEAR YOU!”