I worked at a secret CIA hospital. This was my first patient.
What I’m about to tell you is highly classified, of course. I know what the penalty for disclosing this information is. But I don’t plan to be in the country anymore by the time this is posted, and I feel like more people should know about this. It’s bound to get out sooner or later anyway.
Before I was hired to work at the facility, I was given Sensitive Compartmented Information (SCI) clearance for the hospital, code word Demon. Yeah. Demon hospital. For those of you not familiar with security lingo, SCI clearance is basically above top secret. You have to be granted special access to even know that the project exists. I guess they don’t trust military guys and politicians with regular top secret clearance to keep this info from getting out.
I was targeted for recruitment just after graduation. I already had a job offer lined up as a surgeon at an ER in Manhattan, but this payed better. Like, a lot better. 7 figures better. About 300% the pay of the average surgeon. Not something I could resist.
I wasn’t told anything about the job at first except that I’d be performing emergency surgeries on government agents at a top secret facility alongside other doctors like myself. So, naturally, I assumed I’d be treating spies and Navy SEALs with gunshot wounds or something. It seemed pretty exciting at the time. I was in for a pretty big shock.
I signed the non-disclosure agreement, got my security clearance, took a polygraph, promised I wasn’t a Chinese spy trying to destroy America, etc etc
Within a week I was relocated to a comfortable apartment in downtown DC. Not my first choice for a city, but not bad either. I was just glad I wasn’t assigned to somewhere in Bumfuck, Montana.
I was given some time to settle in, and told to commute to an address about 30 minutes out of the city on Monday. The details of the location aren’t important, they’ll probably shut the facility down and reopen it somewhere else as soon as they discover this leak.
It was an unassuming old brick building with a CIA logo out front and a single fat security guard. Looked like some sort of office. Probably was an office actually. The actual facility was underground. I entered the building, and an agent was there to escort me. We went through an elevator hidden in a fake maintenance closet in an area of the building regular employees weren’t allowed in. I don’t think the people who worked there knew anything about the hospital or what was going on below them.
I could never tell exactly how far down the elevator went, but I estimated it was something like 40 or 50 feet. We entered into something that looked liken a cold war era bunker retrofitted with modern computers and security. And there was a lot more security than the single fat old guard upstairs. Two men with guns guarded the elevator at all times, and several more were stationed around the facility.
I was told I’d be placed with a team of doctors and nurses in a room outfitted with all the latest in medical equipment and every sort of tool I might need. Our shift would last 8 hours, and during that time we’d need to be on constant standby, prepared to preform surgery on anyone sent in.
For the first week nothing happened. We got there, took a seat in a small adjacent break room outfitted with a minifridge and coffee maker, and did nothing for 8 hours before being relieved by the next shift’s team. I brought books to read. One of the nurses tried to bring a boardgame but couldn’t get it past security. Electronics weren’t allowed, or I would’ve brought a laptop and honed my Rocket League skills.
Then, on the second day of the second week, we got our first patient. We only received a 10 minute warning, and basic information on the patient over the com system. White male. Mid thirties. 6’1″. 170 pounds. Multiple second degree burns, damage to the eyes, foreign inedible objects in digestive system.
We heard him before we saw him. He was screaming something about treasure and secrets, he kept saying he didn’t want to know anymore. Whatever that means. When we first laid eyes on him we had a lot of process.
He was tied down to the gurney he was on with straps, because apparently he kept trying to claw his eyes out when he was being transported here. He was being pushed by two tired looking soldiers. He was completely naked. The burn marks on his skin weren’t random, they formed patterns, like he was carefully branded. And, probably most shocking, there were *snakes * coming out of his throat and anus. Just poking halfway out. Lots of them. And I don’t know that much about snakes, but I’m pretty sure most of them where from different environments. They were killed beforehand so they no longer posed a danger to us. I spotted a diamondback rattlesnake, some sort blue sea snake with black stripes, a black mamba, a cobra, and a death adder. Maybe he fell into a dangerous snake exhibit?
I did a shitty MS Paint drawing of the patterns burned into him. There were three, two big ones on his chest and what looked sort of liked a word repeatedly burned all over his limbs. I think one of the big ones might have been a map.
Anyway, he wasn’t being very cooperative so we gave him a sedative before we got to work. First we set out on removing the snakes. The ones in the throat were easy since the throat is naturally lubricated, we just pulled them out. The others were significantly less pleasant to remove, but I won’t get into that too much.
The burns didn’t go beyond the skin. He’d have permanent scars, but they didn’t kill him, and they weren’t that difficult to treat.
The real trouble came a few minutes after we thought we were finished when he started bleeding internally. Apparently, and nobody told us this beforehand, he had a large amount of gold coins and precious jewels sitting in his stomach. We did our best to try to remove them before they caused more ruptures, but halfway through he woke up.
Now, that shouldn’t really have been possible. We gave him somewhat more than a safe amount of sedatives. But whatever.
He immediately started swinging at us and yelling in a very raspy voice that the treasure belonged to him, not us. He said that the dragon boy showed it to him. Unfortunately, all this swinging and yelling wasn’t good for his stomach, and he died shortly afterwards. Oh well.
I expected somebody to be disappointed with us after he died, but it seems like they expected it. They had us do a full autopsy and remove the markings on his skin to be transported to another facility and studied further.
Afterwards, we went right back to sitting in the room and waiting.
And this, this was just my first patient. Not even close to being the weirdest, or the scariest, or the saddest, or the most dangerous(I did come close to being injured a few times). This patient was actually pretty average. I’ve come to expect snakes and burn marks since then.
We’d usually get a patient about once every couple of weeks. Sometimes we’d get two at the same time. Most of them looked like agents of some kind, middle aged fit males with military haircuts, but occasionally we’d get women, even a couple kids. They’d have us autopsy them when they died and send off any interesting markings or objects for further study. About 20% lived, but I doubted any would ever be sane again.
I quit a couple weeks ago after a too close for comfort encounter with an unusual patient. Enough was enough. I had enough money to do whatever I wanted at that point, so I decided to move out of country. I’m waiting on my plane right now, and by the time this gets posted I’ll be sipping margaritas in my new private practice in a country with favorable extradition laws.
I’ll try to post stories about some of the other patients I’ve had in a few days when my internet gets set up at my new home. Like I said, this is just the tip of the iceberg. I’ve seen a lot of really weird shit, some of which I still can’t explain. Other than snakes and burn marks, some common themes in my time at the hospital were insects, spiders, nonsensical yelling, lacerations, unidentifiable infections, and what looked like medieval torture techniques.
I have to go now. My plane is ready.