How To Be Actually Annoying

annoying* Inform your mates, 4 days previous to their social gathering, that you would be able to’t attend since you’re not within the temper.

* Sit in your entrance yard pointing a hair dryer at passing automobiles, to see in the event that they decelerate.

* Follow making faxmodem noises.

* If in case you have a glass eye, faucet on it sometimes together with your pen whereas speaking to others.

* Alter the tint in your TV so that every one the individuals are inexperienced, and demand to others that you simply “prefer it that means”.

* Drum on each obtainable floor.

* Take away each line of somebody’s .newsrc file besides the entry for alt.intercourse.fetish.hamster.duct-tape.

* Sing the Batman theme incessantly.

* Staple papers in the midst of the web page.

* Ask 800 operators for dates.

* Produce a rental video consisting totally of dire FBI copy warnings.

* Sew anti-theft detector strips into individuals’s backpacks.

* Cover dairy merchandise in inaccessible locations.

* Write the shock ending to a novel on its first web page.

* Specify that your drive-through order is “to go”.

* Set alarms for random occasions.

* Be taught Morse code, and have conversations with mates in public consisting totally of “Beeeep Bip Bip Beeeep Bip…”

* Purchase giant portions of mint dental floss simply to lick the flavour off.

* Order a facet of pork rinds together with your filet mignon.

* As a substitute of Gallo, serve Evening Prepare subsequent Thanksgiving.

* Depart your 9 Inch Nails tape in Nice Uncle Ed’s stereo, with the quantity correctly adjusted.

* Publicly examine simply how slowly you can also make a “croaking” noise.

* Honk and wave to strangers.

* Costume solely in garments coloured Hunter’s Orange.

* Change channels 5 minutes earlier than the tip of each present.

* Tape items of “Sweating to the Oldies” over climactic components of rental films.

* Put on your pants backwards.

* Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and easily eat their complimentary mints by the money register.

* Start all of your sentences with “ooh la la!”

* Rouse your roommates from slumber every morning with Lou Reed’s “Metallic Machine Music”.

* Depart somebody’s printer in compressed-italic-Cyrillic-landscape mode.

* ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE.

* solely sort in lowercase.

* do not use any punctuation both

* Purchase a big amount of orange visitors cones and reroute complete streets.

* Pay to your dinner with pennies.

* Tie jingle bells to all of your garments.

* Repeat every thing somebody says, as a query.

* Write “X – BURIED TREASURE” in random spots on all of somebody’s road maps.

* Inform everybody you meet of your private Kennedy assassination/UFO/ OJ Simpson conspiracy theories.

* Repeat the next dialog a dozen occasions: “Do you hear that?”

“What?”

“By no means thoughts, it is gone now.”

* Mild highway flares on a birthday cake.

* Wander across the restaurant, asking different diners for his or her parsley.

* Depart ideas in Bolivian foreign money.

* Demand that everybody handle you as “Conquistador”.

* Push all of the flat Lego items collectively tightly.

* On the Laundromat, use one dryer for every of your socks.

* When Christmas caroling, sing “Jingle Bells, Batman smells” till bodily restrained.

* Put on a cape that claims “Magnificent One”.

* As a lot as doable, skip moderately than stroll.

* Stand over somebody’s shoulder, mumbling, as they learn.

* End the 99 bottles of beer track.

* Sing the “That is the track that by no means ends…” track. (Ya know, Lamb Chops?)

* Depart your flip sign on for 50 miles.

* Faux your mouse is a CB radio, and speak to it.

* Attempt enjoying the William Inform Overture by tapping on the underside of your chin. When almost carried out, announce “no, wait, I messed it up”, and repeat.

* Drive half a block.

* Title your canine “Canine”.

* Inform others that they exist solely in your creativeness.

* Ask individuals what gender they’re.

* Reply to every thing somebody says with “that is what YOU suppose.”

* Lick the filling out of all of the Oreos, and place the cookie components again within the tray.

* Domesticate a Norwegian accent. If Norwegian, have an effect on a Southern Drawl.

* Overlook the punch line to a protracted joke, however guarantee the listener it was a “actual hoot”.

* Routinely handcuff your self to furnishings, informing the curious that you do not wish to fall off “in case the large one comes”.

* Comply with a number of paces behind somebody, spraying every thing they contact with a can of Lysol.

* Intentionally hum songs that can stay lodged in co-workers’ brains, similar to “Feliz Navidad”, the Archies’ “Sugar” or the Mr. Rogers theme track.

* Whereas making displays, sometimes bob your head like a parakeet.

* Lie clearly about trivial issues such because the time of day.

* Make beeping noises when a big individual backs up.

* Depart your Christmas lights up and lit till September.

* Change your title to John Aaaaasmith for the nice glory of being first within the telephone ebook. Declare it is a Hawaiian title, and demand that individuals pronounce every A.

* Sit in your entrance yard pointing a hair dryer at passing automobiles to see in the event that they decelerate.

* Chew on pens that you have borrowed.

* Invent nonsense pc jargon in conversations, and see if individuals play alongside to keep away from the looks of ignorance.

* Put on a LOT of cologne.

* Ask to “interface” with somebody.

* Hearken to 33rpm data at 45rpm pace, and declare the sooner pace is critical due to your “superior psychological processing”.

* Sing alongside on the opera.

* Mow your garden with scissors.

* At a golf event, chant “swing-batatatatatata-suhWING-batter!”

* End all of your sentences with the phrases “in accordance with prophesy”.

* Ask the waitress for an additional seat to your “imaginary pal”.

* Go to a poetry recital and ask why every poem does not rhyme.

* Ask your co-workers mysterious questions, and scribble their solutions in a pocket book. Mutter one thing about “psychological profiles”.

* Incessantly recite annoying phrases, similar to “sticky wicket is not ricket.”

* Stare at static on the TV and declare you may see a “magic image”.

* Choose the identical track on the jukebox fifty occasions.

* Scuff your toes on a dry, shaggy carpet and hunt down victims.

* Don’t add any inflection to the tip of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you’re going to be saying extra any second.

* By no means make eye contact.

* By no means break eye contact.

* Sign {that a} dialog is over by clamping your fingers over your ears.

* Assemble elaborate “crop circles” in your entrance garden.

* Assemble your personal faux “tricorder”, and “scan” individuals with it, asserting the outcomes.

* Give a play-by-play account of an individual’s each motion in a nasal Howard Cossell voice.

* Holler random numbers whereas somebody is counting.

* Make appointments for the thirty first of September.

* Invite plenty of individuals to different individuals’s events.

* Ship fifty copies of this checklist to everybody .

* Name in sick, then present up.

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