What could be your very best place to dwell?
For some, it will be an idyllic village. For others, a futuristic metropolis. From utopian kingdoms to secluded Rousseauian wildernesses, many people have an concept of what our good surroundings could be.
You don’t should go loopy on the fantasy entrance. Even imagining that you just personal and function the nicest restaurant with a superbly designed condo upstairs may very well be the best very best for some aspiring cooks. In actual life, nevertheless, utopian beliefs all the time result in hell on Earth. Listed below are 10 fantasy locations from movie, TV, literature, and video video games that will suck arduous if you happen to needed to dwell there.
10 Willy Wonka’s Chocolate Manufacturing facility
A Enterprise That Requires You To Interact In Slave Labor Practices
The brand new supervisor cowered behind the statue of the place’s founder. He sniffed it and, smelling raspberries, took a lick. “Nougat” he thought. “What a genius.” Then, from the corridors past the barricaded door, he heard a horrible sound:
“Oompa loompa doompety doo, I’ve received one other puzzle for you, oompa loompa doompety dee, what’s going to it take for us to be free?” cried the slave military as they approached the supervisor’s workplace throughout the tyrannical, oppressive chocolate manufacturing unit.
With a track of their hearts, freedom of their souls, and sharpened caramel-mixing paddles of their arms, it was time for the Oompa-Loompas to take away the final impediment that lay earlier than their path to emancipation.”
—Excerpt from Roald Dahl’s seminal novel Charlie and the Chocolate Manufacturing facility III: Charlie’s Useless, Now It’s Your Flip!
In the end, if you happen to’re given the keys to this place, they’ll come for you. Or if you happen to’re a crazed sociopath with sufficient firepower to implement your rule over these unlucky orange-faced elves, then what do you get on the finish of all of it? A damned chocolate manufacturing unit!
This place sucks.
9 The Shire
Finally, You’ll Be Defeated
You’re 106.7 centimeters tall (3’6″). Everybody you already know is across the identical peak. You’re a part of an agrarian society that hates journey and abhors violence. Your land is a bucolic nirvana that’s chock-full of pure sources.
Horse-riding warriors double your peak who simply defeated an evil demigod with a magical ring. You just about grew to become enslaved by an already defeated wizard whose powers have been massively depleted. How will your folks stand as much as an more and more highly effective empire with no quick threats and a have to increase for sources?
Yeah, hobbits are toast. Until . . .
You’ll be able to solely hope for an inflow of like-minded little folks from a equally oppressive state of affairs to hunt refuge within the Shire. Then you definitely’ll band collectively and ship ambassadors to Rohan and Gondor to signal a nonaggression pact whereas coaching your rising inhabitants for some type of sabotage-based, uneven, guerrilla technique for the eventual invasion.
Is that this going to be the beginning of a hobbit–Oompa-Loompa coalition? Are these two universes about to mix? We positive hope not.
8 The County Of Midsomer
The Excellent Rural English County . . . Make Certain You’re Armed
The Shire was J.R.R. Tolkien’s idealized model of the “Residence Counties” of England translated to a excessive fantasy setting. The county of Midsomer from the long-running ITV present Midsomer Murders does the same factor by putting this fictional, idealized space in a much more temporal setting.
The place is almost good with its fairly little villages crammed with stunning floral shows, quaint cottages, bicycles, and tweed-clad, pleasant locals with their 4×4 automobiles that by no means exceed 48 kilometers per hour (30 mph). However the county holds a darkish secret. The homicide price offers the Mexican drug capitals of Tijuana and Juarez a run for his or her cash.
With at the very least 369 murders, 87 tried murders, and a bunch of different deaths (equivalent to escaping killers falling into quarries, suicides . . . y’know, regular countryside stuff), this county is probably not one of the best place to cool down. It’s lower than a two-hour commute to London, although.
A Crime-Ridden City (Subsequent Door To Gotham Metropolis) At The Mercy Of An All-Highly effective Alien
You’re being mugged by a gaggle of ne’er-do-wells. They’re nearly to seize the vintage pocket watch your useless father gave you. Then BANG, the sound barrier is damaged above you. Dropping from the clouds, Superman swoops down to avoid wasting the day.
If you’ll, think about now the a whole bunch extra situations the place Superman is in any other case occupied (say, combating Common Zod). “The place’s your hero now?”
Put apart the truth that Superman shouldn’t be omniscient, doesn’t have godlike judgment, and should get coerced into a lifetime of utilitarian-inspired totalitarianism by charismatic evildoers and kill 99 % of mankind. For those who dwell in Metropolis, you reside proper subsequent door to Gotham Metropolis, the worst metropolis on this planet!
The crime charges are all the time going to be excessive, particularly when gentrification hits East Gotham and all of the costumed supervillains band collectively to hire a two-bedroom brownstone over the river in Metropolis.
6 The Corridor Of Valhalla
The Scariest Ready Sport
Allow us to think about that the afterlife, the gods, and the entire universe are precisely as the traditional Norse peoples imagined them to be. Ragnarok—the all-consuming, world-ending battle the place you and your puny spear will likely be going toe-to-toe with a complete host of monsters—feels like a horrible occasion.
Do you assume that Fenrir, the large wolf and little one of Loki, will wait peacefully for his scrap with Odin (a battle he’s going to win, by the way in which)? Nah, he’s going to wish to fill his stomach with some tasty entrails first. Guess how your entrails style? Fenrir desires to seek out out.
Now, have you ever ever sat in a hospital ready room in anticipation of check outcomes? It’s a waking nightmare. Valhalla is like ready for a check consequence that you already know prematurely will likely be optimistic as a result of bloody Ragnarok is inevitable! You’ll be ready in a glorified conference heart for that day to come back.
However don’t fret an excessive amount of. There will likely be free legs of mutton and horns of mead so that you can take pleasure in. This ensures that you just’ll be fats and drunk when the large Midgard Serpent is able to chew your head off.
Utopia Close to The Dying Zone
This paradisal group from James Hilton’s 1933 novel Misplaced Horizon is nice if you happen to’re from there. He positioned this magical metropolis excessive within the Kunlun Mountains in Tibet.
Very like different idealized locations equivalent to El Dorado (the town of gold), the Backyard of Eden, or Atlantis (earlier than it sank), Shangri-La has all of the hallmarks of Heaven on Earth: plentiful meals, complete concord, and long-living denizens who’re all the time joyful.
However what if you happen to wished to go to?
For those who ever go to the town of Quito in Ecuador, you’ll get a style of what we’re about to stipulate. Very like the fictional Shangri-La, Quito is gorgeous and filled with wholesome folks and lovely structure. It’s a delight to wander round and take within the sights . . . if you happen to grew up someplace that’s a couple of thousand ft above sea stage.
Nevertheless, if you happen to grew up under the clouds like most people, you’ll probably want to sit and catch your breath each few yards. You could even develop altitude illness and want hospitalization.
Don’t fear, although, there are many coca leaves to eat. This helps to stave off altitude illness and increase your power. In Quito, that’s. There are not any coca crops in Central Asia.
Shangri-La could be an incredible place to behold till you ran out of oxygen tanks. Then you definitely both adapt or die. Nonetheless, future vacationers might use you as a approach marker like some unlucky useless climbers on Mount Everest.
4 Hogwarts Faculty Of Witchcraft And Wizardry
The No. 1 Goal For Assault By Highly effective Terrorists
Bear in mind terrorism?
For a protracted whereas, the notion of a small group of ideologically possessed people attacking unassuming residents was thought of the first menace going through mankind. Many individuals should still really feel this manner. Vacationer spots, industrial crops, monetary facilities, and the halls of nationwide governments are the standard targets for these evil terrorist teams.
3 Pepsi City
Heart For The Rising Corporocratic Empire
If Superman turned evil, that will be terrible. Now think about that he labored for Pepsi and wished to discovered a company dictatorship throughout the US or possibly the world? That appears to be the instructed results of the 1999 PlayStation sport Pepsiman.
Enjoying because the eponymous superhero, you navigate your approach by difficult, Crash Bandicoot–model ranges to assist thirsty folks get their repair of this sugary soda. The ultimate stage is in “Pepsi Metropolis,” which we are able to conclude is a complete metropolis owned and operated by PepsiCo, Inc. Wait, what?
If Pepsiman is from Pepsi Metropolis and Pepsi owns them each, what could be subsequent?
Judging by the scary, fascistic promo for the sport, it will be to take over the mainland US and place the nation below the dominance of Pepsi. Fancy a Coke? That’ll be 10 years within the corridor of reeducation for you! Sponsored by Pepsi. Drink!
See You Subsequent Century
Brigadoon is on the heart of a romantic Scottish legend. A small village within the Highlands fell to a horrible curse. The locals made a take care of Almighty God to avoid wasting their souls. The village, together with all its inhabitants, would stay hidden from the world and solely emerge from its invisibility for a single day each 100 years.
At the present time is a time for excellent celebration as a result of Brigadoon might be visited by outsiders. The catch? Not one of the villagers can depart. If anybody does enterprise outdoors the village boundary, the entire place and all of the villagers will disappear without end.
Within the legend, the place is supposed to be superior. So, why would you wish to depart?
Let’s take into consideration this. What if an outsider—posing as a contented vacationer who desires to expertise this once-in-a-lifetime phenomenon—grabs Mrs. MacLeod, the baker’s spouse, ties her in a physique bag, and drags her outdoors the village? Everybody in Brigadoon is gone. So, the place would they go?
Given the deal the villagers struck with God, there are two choices—Purgatory or Hell. If it’s Purgatory, they’ll finally get to Heaven. So, why do they keep in Brigadoon?
It have to be Hell. Think about residing in a group that is still frozen in some in-between, timeless state for 100 years at a time. Then it’s topic to the whim of some feckless vacationers whose dangerous habits might end in your complete group being consigned to damnation for eternity. No thanks.
1 Sunnydale, California
Good Climate, A Zoo, A Museum, Disneyland Close by, And An Adjoining Portal To Hell
California is a state with a great deal of stunning communities. Any sane particular person would promote his proper kidney to dwell in considered one of these locations. Claremont, Solvang, and Hillsborough all look like the proper place to dwell. Sure, Los Angeles and San Francisco have their homelessness and poop-related points. However when you have sufficient money, wouldn’t you wish to dwell in Beverly Hills or Nob Hill?
Properly, the small, nice, fictional metropolis of Sunnydale may very well be excessive on any such record, nestled between Claremont and Hillsborough. The one concern with Sunnydale? You’ll be residing subsequent door to a portal to a monster-filled alternate actuality . . . that’s leaking.
It’s okay, although, since you’ll have a heroine in your midst. A teenage woman named Buffy . . . Shoot, you need to have moved to Solvang. Who doesn’t like chocolate?
About The Creator: C.J. Phillips is a storyteller, actor, and author residing in rural West Wales. He’s just a little obsessive about lists.