To be a physician shouldn’t be the simplest job particularly when there are these sorts of sufferers to make their job even tougher. Sometimes the facepalm is the best expression for situations like this.
1. “Sufferers can not go into asystole if they’ve a pacemaker.” Granted, it was 2:00 am and I needed to wake the doctor, who clearly was not absolutely awake.
2. “It’s inconceivable to enter asystole if you’re in atrial fibrillation.” The nurse then requested the doctor if atrial fibrillation was the key to everlasting life.
3. “I can not come to work right now as a result of my grandmother simply died.” This was the sixth grandmother to die inside 2 months. I notice that with right now’s blended households, it could be doable to have six folks one might contemplate as grandmothers. Nonetheless, it appeared a bit coincidental to me that they every died on the weekend.
4. “I have no idea what to do about this affected person. He’s a total enigma to me.”
5. A outstanding nurse in the neighborhood was admitted to a telemetry unit with an exacerbation of bronchial asthma. One other affected person within the unit developed chest discomfort. The telemetry nurse ordered an electrocardiogram (ECG) after which took the ECG to the affected person with bronchial asthma and requested her to interpret it. The nurse did.
6. A affected person was admitted to a vital care unit with standing asthmaticus. One of many nurses within the unit requested the affected person, “Is it actually doable to die of bronchial asthma?”
7. “Drainage from the chest tube was 200 mL of urine.”
8. The physician acknowledged to the nurse that the affected person’s coronary heart sounds had been regular. The nurse requested, “How are you aware this because you had positioned the stethoscope on the affected person’s chest however uncared for to insert the earpieces into his ears?”
9. “Ladies would not have coronary heart illness.”
10. “I’m too drunk to come back in and see this affected person.” A minimum of the doctor was trustworthy, however he was on name.
11. “I’m on a ship in the course of the river and can’t get there for a number of hours.” Once more, the doctor was on name. I despatched the coast guard to get him. A minimum of he was sober.
12. “Why do we now have to present change of shift experiences on the sufferers’ bedsides? Will not they hear us?”
13. “The affected person spontaneously recovered from ventricular fibrillation with any intervention. It needed to be a miracle.”
14. “Nurses shouldn’t be allowed to carry out defibrillation. When my affected person codes, name me earlier than beginning cardiopulmonary resuscitation and don’t do the rest till I get there, together with drugs and defibrillation.”
15. “I withheld the digoxin as a result of the affected person’s coronary heart price was 120.”
16. “Nobody is allergic to aspirin.”
17. “Are you able to imagine this man? He was very allergic to peanuts however cherished them. So he would begin driving to the emergency division and eat peanuts alongside the best way. By the point he received to the ED, he was extraordinarily in need of breath.” This occurred 4 or 5 occasions a yr.
18. “There have been no apparent indicators of bleeding however I needed to change the dressing a number of occasions a day as a result of it was saturated with blood.”
19. “My affected person is in VD. Convey the crash cart.”
20. “Do I actually need to do the assignments on this class?”
21. “The enema was administered by the nasogastric tube.”
22. “Hallelujah!! The affected person got here again to life all by herself.”
23. “The affected person clearly was faking her coma. I began to shine her fingernails when she advised me she didn’t like that coloration. After I grew to become stunned at her ‘awakening,’ she started to fake her coma once more. I later came upon that she solely went right into a coma when she needed to.”
24. “Cigarette smoking is nice for you. It doesn’t trigger any of these dangerous ailments.”
25. “I only smoke when I am pregnant. It retains me from gaining an excessive amount of weight.”