From Non secular Message Board – A Non secular Analogy

This morning there was a knock at my door. After I answered I discovered a properly groomed, properly dressed couple. The person spoke first:

John: “Hello! I am John, and that is Mary.”

Mary: Hello! We’re right here to ask you to come back kiss Hank’s ass with us.”

Me: “Pardon me?! What are you speaking about? Who’s Hank, and why would I need to kiss His ass?”

John: “If you happen to kiss Hank’s ass, He’ll offer you one million {dollars}; and when you do not, He’ll kick the shit out of you.”

Me: “What? Is that this some form of weird mob shake-down?”

John: “Hank is a billionaire philanthropists. Hank constructed this city. Hank owns this city. He can do no matter he desires, and what He desires is to present you one million {dollars}, however He cannot till you kiss his ass.”

Me: “That does not make any sense. Why…”

Mary: “Who’re you to query Hank’s present? Do not you need one million {dollars}? Is not it value just a little kiss on the ass?”

Me: “Effectively perhaps, if it is legit, however…”

John: “Then come kiss Hank’s ass with us.”

Me: “Do you kiss Hank’s ass usually?”

Mary: “Oh sure, on a regular basis…”

Me: “And has He given you one million {dollars}?”

John: “Effectively no. You do not truly get the cash till you permit city.”

Me: “So why do not you simply go away city now?”

Mary: “You may’t go away till Hank tells you to, or you aren’t getting the cash, and He kicks the shit out of you.”

Me: “Have you learnt anybody who kissed Hank’s ass, left city, and received the million {dollars}?”

John: “My mom kissed Hank’s ass for years. She left city final yr, and I am certain she received the cash.”

Me: “Have not you talked to her since then?”

John: “In fact not, Hank does not permit it.”

Me: “So what makes you suppose He’ll truly provide the cash when you’ve by no means talked to anybody who received the cash?”

Mary: “Effectively, he provides you just a little bit earlier than you permit. Perhaps you may get a elevate, perhaps you may win a small lotto, perhaps you may simply discover a twenty-dollar invoice on the road.”

Me: “What’s that received to do with Hank?”

John: “Hank has sure ‘connections.'”

Me: “I am sorry, however this seems like some form of weird con sport.”

John: “Nevertheless it’s one million {dollars}, can you actually take the possibility? And bear in mind, when you do not kiss Hank’s ass He’ll kick the shit of you.”

Me:”Perhaps if I might see Hank, speak to Him, get the main points straight from him…”

Mary: “Nobody sees Hank, nobody talks to Hank.”

Me: “Then how do you kiss His ass?”

John: “Generally we simply blow Him a kiss, and consider His ass. Different occasions we kiss Karl’s ass, and he passes it on.”

Me: “Who’s Karl?”

Mary: “A pal of ours. He is the one who taught us all about kissing Hank’s ass. All we needed to do was take him out to dinner just a few occasions.”

Me: “And also you simply took his phrase for it when he mentioned there was a Hank, that Hank wished you to kiss His ass, and that Hank would reward you?”

John: “Oh no! Karl has a letter he received from Hank years in the past explaining the entire thing. Here is a duplicate; see for your self.”

From the desk of Karl

1.Kiss Hank’s ass and He’ll offer you one million {dollars}
while you go away city.
2.Drink solely sparsely.
3.Kick the shit out of people that aren’t such as you.
4.Eat proper.
5.Hank dictated this record Himself.
6.The moon is made from inexperienced cheese.
7.All the things Hank says is correct.
8.Wash your fingers after going to the lavatory.
9.Do not use alcohol.
10.Eat your wieners on buns, no condiments.
11.Kiss Hank’s ass or He’ll kick the shit out of you.

Me: “This seems to be written on Karl’s letterhead.”

Mary: “Hank did not have any paper.”

Me: “I’ve a hunch that if we checked we might discover that is Karl’s handwriting.”

John: “In fact, Hank dictated it.”

Me: “I believed you mentioned nobody will get to see Hank?”

Mary: “Not now, however years in the past He would speak to some folks.”

Me: “I believed you mentioned He was a philanthropist. What kind of philanthropist kicks the shit out of individuals simply because they’re completely different?”

Mary: “It is what Hank desires, and Hank’s all the time proper.”

Me: “How do you work that?”

Mary: “Merchandise 7 says ‘All the things Hank says is correct.’ That is ok for me!”

Me: “Perhaps your pal Karl simply made the entire thing up.”

John: “No method! Merchandise 5 says ‘Hank dictated this record himself.’ Moreover, merchandise 2 says ‘Use alcohol sparsely,’ Merchandise 4 says ‘Eat proper,’ and merchandise 8 says ‘Wash your fingers after going to the lavatory.’ Everybody is aware of these issues are proper, so the remaining should be true, too.”

Me: “However 9 says ‘Do not use alcohol.’ which does not fairly go along with merchandise 2, and 6 says ‘The moon is made from inexperienced cheese,’ which is simply plain flawed.”

John: “There is not any contradiction between 9 and a pair of, 9 simply clarifies 2. So far as 6 goes, you have by no means been to the moon, so you possibly can’t say for certain.”

Me: “Scientists have fairly firmly established that the moon is made from rock…”

Mary: “However they do not know if the rock got here from the Earth, or from out of area, so it might simply as simply be inexperienced cheese.”

Me: “I am probably not an skilled, however I believe the speculation that the Moon was someway ‘captured’ by the Earth has been discounted*. Moreover, not figuring out the place the rock got here from does not make it cheese.”

John: “Aha! You simply admitted that scientists make errors, however we all know Hank is all the time proper!”

Me: “We do?”

Mary: “In fact we do, Merchandise 5 says so.”

Me: “You are saying Hank’s all the time proper as a result of the record says so, the record is correct as a result of Hank dictated it, and we all know that Hank dictated it as a result of the record says so. That is round logic, no completely different than saying ‘Hank’s proper as a result of He says He is proper.'”

John: “Now you are getting it! It is so rewarding to see somebody come round to Hank’s mind-set.”

Me: “However…oh, by no means thoughts. What is the take care of wieners?”

Mary: She blushes.

John: “Wieners, in buns, no condiments. It is Hank’s method. Anything is flawed.”

Me: “What if I haven’t got a bun?”

John: “No bun, no wiener. A wiener with out a bun is flawed.”

Me: “No relish? No Mustard?”

Mary: She seems positively stricken.

John: He is shouting. “There is not any want for such language! Condiments of any form are flawed!”

Me: “So an enormous pile of sauerkraut with some wieners chopped up in it will be out of the query?”

Mary: Sticks her fingers in her ears.”I’m not listening to this. La la la, la la, la la la.”

John: “That is disgusting. Just some form of evil deviant would eat that…”

Me: “It is good! I eat it on a regular basis.”

Mary: She faints.

John: He catches Mary. “Effectively, if I might recognized you the place a kind of I would not have wasted my time. When Hank kicks the shit out of you I will be there, counting my cash and laughing. I will kiss Hank’s ass for you, you bunless cut-wienered kraut-eater.”


SOURCE UNKNOWN If the writer doesn’t need it posted, I will take away it nevertheless I might like to maintain it as part of this website.

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