Dirty & Funny Pickup Lines – Dirty Jokes

dat ass

Do you come here often? Because I’m about to come here right now.
If I flip a coin, what are the chances of me getting head?
Hi, I’m a birdwatcher and I’m looking for a Big-Breasted Bed thrasher, Do you know where i can find one?
Hey, how about you sit on my face and let me eat my way to you heart?
Are you a cupcake? (No….why…?) Cause you probably taste really sweet!!!!
Do you like lollipops? Cause I’ll take you to my candy shop.
Are you from Ireland? Cause when I look at you my penis is Dublin.
I can’t make a cherry pop, but I can make a banana cream.
Ever stuck a hot dog in a donut? Do you want to?
I want to be pooh so i can stick my nose in your honey.
Can I put my magic wand in your Harry Potter.
Girl, I would love to lick your belly button……from the inside!
Do you give head to stangers? No. Well let me intruduce myself.
Your so hot that even on a cold winter night my dirty penis would stand for you.
I’m an astronaut & my next mission is to explore uranus!
Hey baby can you please calm my monster down.
He: Do you wanna go to my stable? She: Why? He: So you can ride my pony!!
Hey, I’m from the Middle East, and i have a weapon of mass destruction in my pants.
Do you wanna be my kangaroo so we can hop all night.
Do you want to be like my speedo and hug my balls?
Do you like Backstreet Boys. Good, because my penis is larger than life.
I’ll give you a nickle if you tickle my pickle….ill give you a dime if you take your time.
While behind someone at a fast food place say; you should order a number 69; ( what’s that?) an order of fries and a coke with me on the side.
The trojans loved helen so much they jumped into a horse, i love u so much i wanna jump into a trojan.
guy: my mom told me to never look at pretty girls because i will turn into a statue! In fact i can feel myself getting hard right now!
I would be honored if I could park my beef bus in tuna town.
I’m Irish, wanna taste my lucky charms?
I wish I were a burger, so I can get between those buns.
You must be my new boss because you just gave me a raise.
I’m a french fry and you’re ketchup. Can i get in you?
Just like a tootsie roll pop, I’d liked to find out how many licks it takes to get to your center.
You’re a pile of leaves… I wanna jump right in!
If you jingle my bells I can promise you a white Christmas.
Nike took my motto: Just Do It.
For women: when he asks to get into your pants just say, No thanks I have one dirty asshole in there already!
Do you like to party? Then crawl up my leg and have a ball!
I was just wondering could those lips pull a ten pound vacuum on a onion sack?
Screw me if I’m wrong, but isn’t that Elvis over there?
Hi, i’m peter pants-less. wanna go to never-neverland?
You’re on fire. Can I stop drop and roll with you?
I just got the shocks changed on my car. Want to try them out?
I’m a fireman, wanna see my hose?
Remember my name. you’ll be screaming it later.
You are what you eat, and tonight I want to be you.
So can we hang out with my wang out or what?
Do you have a gynecologist… cause i just got my degree.
I got the F-C-K. All I need is U.
There’s a snickers in my pants….hungry why wait?
I’m learning about sex in biology…wanna experiment?
You look good in that shirt, but you would look even better with it off.
Are we In Alaska because I feel like a sexkimo!
Are you a mechanic? because you should be screwing me.
Your eyes are like wrenches ….. they make my nuts tighten.
What time do your legs open?
I’m good at math U+I=69.
Hey, want to play house. I could be the door and you could slam me all night long.
Girl your like a cream puff…hard to get into..but once you do its like a dream…silky and smooth.
Will you sleep with me tonight? Cuz I’m afraid of the dark.
Are you with the Cingular plan? Because you got my bar raised!
What’s a slut like you doing in a high class place like this?
Girl, you’re like a pickup truck. It takes more than one load to get the job done.
Hey, I’ve got something to show you! Stand back it takes more room! (As you reach for your zipper).
Guy: Are you Catsup? Girl: No, Why? Guy: Cause i’m mustard, we should get together on a weiner.
(He) I’m not very good at my hobby (She) What’s your hobby (He) keeping it in my pants.
Do u like the taste of chicken? We’ll then suck on this it tastes foul.
I taste like candy. If you don’t believe me why don’t you try some.
If I was a skateboard I would grind you all night.
I’m like a snow storm,i’ll give you 8 to 10 inches and keep you inside for the whole weekend.
I’m like budweiser, always fills you up never lets you down.
I just made my bed. Ya wana help me mess it up again?”
You make me want to have an affair.
It won’t be a late night.. you’ll be in bed by 7 and home by 11.
Give me a dollar and I’ll make you holler.
Do you know the difference between a Quarter Pounder with cheese and a blowjob? Well then, let me take you out to lunch.
Were you born on a farm? because you really know how to raise a cock!
Hey, do you like France? (If yes:) So do I! Let’s go and French!
What are you doing tonight? Besides me?
All I want is peace and quiet, give me a piece and I’ll be quiet.
You must be this tall (hold up hand as if to measure height) to ride the (your name).
You wanna go skinny dipping… in my water bed?
There’s a little man in my pants and he would really like you to pet him.
Wanna play some football? We can both be skins…
Shall we shag now or shag later?
Baby, I want to strap you on like a feedbag. One leg over each ear!
You know, sex is like golf. It sucks until you finally get the ball in the hole yourself.
You’re like a light switch..You turn me on.
There’s a little man in my pants and he wants to meet you.
I’ve got a fire in my pants and you’re the only one who can put it out.
I’m tired. You’re tired. Let’s sleep together!
Baby, I’m like a firefighter, I find ’em hot and leave ’em wet!
Around you I’m like a complex word, long and hard.
guy:::: How do you scare a bee??
girl:::: i don’t know how?
guy::::BOOBIE!!((grab her boob)))
I do floors, doors, windows, and you.
Can I use your thighs as dirty earmuffs??
I have a math equation for you. You + me + whipped cream = a good idea.
Are those fuck me eyes, or fuck you eyes?
Are those space pants you’re wearing? Because your ass is out of this world.
Believe it or not, gettin’ laid is still hard when you’re this good-looking.
Do you have a mirror in your pocket? She will say, “Why?” You will reply,
“Cause I could see myself in your pants.
Do you know the difference between a hamburger and a blow job? [No!] Do you want to do lunch?
Do you know what would look good on you? Me.
Do you sleep on your stomach? No. Can I?
Do you work for UPS? I thought I saw you checking out my package.
Excuse me, I am about to go home to masturbate and needed a name to go with the face.
Excuse me, is that dress felt? Would you like it to be?
Excuse me. I’m from the FBI, the Fine Body Investigators, and I’m going to have to ask you to assume the position.
Fuck me if I am wrong, but you want to screw me, don’t you?
Hey baby, you must be a light switch, coz every time I see you, you turn me on!
Hey baby, you’ve got something on your butt: my eyes.
How do you like your eggs: poached, scrambled, or fertilized?
I love every bone in your body – especially mine
I wish you were a screen door….. [Why?] So I can slam you all day long!
If said you had a nice body, would you hold it against me?
If you and I were squirrels, could I bust a nut in your dirty hole?
If your left leg was Thanksgiving and your right leg Christmas, can I visit you between the Holidays?
Is that a keg in your pants? ‘Cause I would love to tap that ass!
Is your dad a farmer? (No, why?) Because you got some melons.
Let’s bypass all the bullshit and just get naked.
Tickle your pussy with a feather? (What?) I said, “Particularly nice weather.”
Let’s have a party and invite your dirty pants to come on down.
Wanna play carnival? You sit on my face and I guess how much you weigh.
Was your father a mechanic? Then how did you get such a finely tuned body?
Would you like to try an Australian kiss? It is just like a French kiss, but down under
You know, I’ve got the f, the c and the k, so all I need is you
Your daddy must have been a baker, ’cause you have a nice set of buns.
You’ve got the whitest teeth I’d ever want to cum across.
Life is like a dick. When it gets hard, “Fuck it”.
May I end this sentence with a proposition?
My face is leaving in fifteen minutes. Be on it.
My magical watch says you aren’t wearing any panties. Oh, you are? It must be an hour fast!
Nice shoes, wanna fuck?
Pick a number between 1 and 10. You lose now take off your clothes.
Roses are red, violets are blue. I like spaghetti, let’s go screw.
Take an ice cube to the bar, smash it and say: “Now that I’ve broken the ice, will you sleep with me?
That dress looks very becoming on you. Of course, if I were on you, I’d becoming too!
The word of the day is “legs.” Let’s go back to my place and spread the word.
There must be a keg in your pants, cuz I want to tap that dirty ass.