A Dictionary for Women – “saying what you mean” and “meaning what you say”
(ahr•gyoo•munt) n. A discussion that occurs when you’re right, and continues until he realizes it.
(ayr•hed) n. An act you put on when pulled over for speeding.
(bar•buh•Q) n. You bought the groceries, washed the lettuce, chopped the tomatoes, diced the onions, marinated the meat and cleaned everything up—for the dinner he made for his friends.”
(blahnd joks) n. Jokes short enough for men to understand.
(kant•e•lope) n. Gotta get married in a church.
(kloze drI•yer) n. An appliance designed to eat socks.
(dI•it so•duh) n. A drink you buy at a convenience store to go with a half pound bag of peanut M&Ms.
(dI-mun) n. Something you think should be on your finger but he can only see in a baseball park.
(e•ter•ni•tee) n. The last two minutes of a football game.
(ex•er•siz) v. Walking up and down a mall, occasionally resting to make a purchase.
(grow•sree list) n What you spend half an hour writing, then forget to take with you to the store.
(hare dres•er) n. A magician who creates a hair style you can never duplicate.
(hard•wer stor) n. Similar to a black hole in space: once he goes in, he isn’t coming out any time soon.
(haws•wrk) n. Work around the house including moping and washing dishes.
(chIld•brth) n. You go through 36 hours of contractions. He holds your hand and says, “focus…breathe…push….”
(lip•stik) n. On your lips, a color to enhance your beauty of your mouth. On his collar, a color only a tramp would wear.
(pahrk) v./n. Before children, a verb meaning, “to go somewhere and neck.” After children, a noun meaning “a place with a swing set and slide”.
- No! More Rape – Exclamation points kill! Exclamation points! Kill
- Optical illusions – Perception is everything so have a closer look at these awesome illusions
(pay•shuns) n. The most important ingredient for dating, marriage and children. See also “tranquilizers.”
(wah•tr•pruf mas•ka•ruh) n. Mascara that comes off if you cry, shower, or swim, but not when you try to remove it.
(va•lun•tInz dae) n. A day when you dream of a candle light dinner, diamonds, and romance, but consider yourself lucky to get a card.