She isn’t a BABE or a CHICK – She is a BREASTED AMERICAN.
She isn’t a BLEACHED BLONDE – She is PEROXIDE DEPENDENT.
She isn’t a BAD COOK – She is MICROWAVE COMPATIBLE.
She isn’t HALF NAKED – She is WARDROBE IMPAIRED.
She doesn’t put on TOO MUCH JEWELRY – She is METALLICALLY OVERBURDENED.
She isn’t CONCEITED – She is INTIMATELY AWARE OF HER BEST QUALITIES.
She doesn’t GAIN WEIGHT – She is a METABOLIC UNDERACHIEVER.
She isn’t a SCREAMER or MOANER – She is VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE.
She isn’t EASY – She is HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE.
She doesn’t TEASE or FLIRT – She engages in ARTIFICIAL STIMULATION.
She isn’t TOO SKINNY – She is SKELETALLY PROMINENT.
She doesn’t WEAR TOO MUCH PERFUME – She commits FRAGRANCE ABUSE.
She isn’t KINKY – She is a NON-INHIBITED SEXUAL COMPANION.
She doesn’t WEAR TOO MUCH MAKEUP – She has reached COSMETIC SATURATION.
She doesn’t have BREAST IMPLANTS – She is GRAVITY RESISTANT.
HOW TO TALK ABOUT MEN AND STILL BE POLITICALLY CORRECT
He doesn’t have a beer intestine – He has developed a Liquid Grain Storage Facility.
He’s not a nasty dancer – He’s Overly Caucasian.
He doesn’t get misplaced on a regular basis – He investigates Different Locations.
He’s not balding – He’s in Follicle Regression.
He’s not a cradle robber – He prefers Generationally Differential Relationships.
He doesn’t get falling-down drunk – He turns into By chance Horizontal.
He doesn’t act like a complete ass – He develops a case of Rectal-Cranial Inversion.
He’s not a intercourse machine – He’s Romantically Automated.
He’s not a male chauvinist pig – He has Swine Empathy.
He doesn’t undress you along with his eyes – He has an Introspective Pornographic Second.
He’s not afraid of dedication – He’s Monogamously Challenged.